Girl Problems? Ask

[Neonanocyborgasm]

I have to mention one thing about the process of attraction.

I don't have much of a problem playing the game, but I have found that it is tedious and tiresome. I can act the role of the "player" but truthfully, it is not my personality. I consider myself a laid-back, straightforward, and nice guy. At some point, I like to be able to relax and let my guard down without feeling like I'm going to be pounced on like prey. Unfortunately, I have not found this moment. As soon as I start acting like my natural self, and quit "playing", women try to take advantage of me, and if they succeed once, they think they can do it again and again.

This is, in fact, my Holy Grail: to find a woman that doesn't insist on playing these games and just behaves in a consistent manner. I have been looking for such a woman since I was 17, and every time I think I've found her, I find out that I've made a mistake.

 

[Shaihulud]

I have recently attracted the attention of a very attractive girl, the problem is that she is more worldly, younger and wealthier and socialable than me now before anyone congratulate me, i would like to say that it is the most peripheral of attraction from me to her. I am however determined to win her if it is at all possible, i have an advantage in that we don't know each other very well, but she definitely notices me when i am around. I just hope that its not wishful thinking on my part.

 

[Captain2]

okay, i recently asked out someone who was a friend, she accepted, what should I be careful about doing/not doing?

because I really dont want to ruin this but i really dont want to go on not knowing about if this could work

 

[Civrules]

okay, i recently asked out someone who was a friend, she accepted

Cool, congrats!

what should I be careful about doing/not doing?

because I really dont want to ruin this but i really dont want to go on not knowing about if this could work

That's the problem. Have no expectation of the outcome. Do not put too much weight on what happens after this moment. If you do, you have a chance of getting hurt because with this, there's naturally a lot of drama. Don't be affected by it if something doesn't go as planned.

Just thinking that you "really don't want to ruin this" isn't a good idea. Relax and have no expectation of the outcome. Just be yourself and don't stress yourself out.

The good thing is this:
After asking a girl out, treat everything as a learning experience. So if it goes bad, or if it goes very well, you still learn from it.

If it goes bad, move on and be happy.

One of the most powerful mindsets you can have is to not be affected by what happens next.

Good luck.

 

[BCLG100]

okay, i recently asked out someone who was a friend, she accepted, what should I be careful about doing/not doing?

because I really dont want to ruin this but i really dont want to go on not knowing about if this could work

What i'd advise is not throwing up over her, wetting yourself etc. Just act like you normally do around her, she went out with you because she liked you how you were so carry on like that.

 

[Captain2]

well I can only hope so, I've tried to smooth over the whole *omg we r goin out* kinda awkardness with joking and its worked nicely, i can only hope I can do this without being wierd, since I have the feeling in the back of my head if I mess up it'll get akward

the only reason i'm nervious though is because shes a friend

keeping it casual...

What i'd advise is not throwing up over her, wetting yourself etc

damn, there goes my opening

 

[azzaman333]

What i'd advise is not throwing up over her, wetting yourself etc. Just act like you normally do around her, she went out with you because she liked you how you were so carry on like that.

I dont think I want to know why you would mention throwing up or wetting yourself...

 

[aneeshm]

I have to mention one thing about the process of attraction.

I don't have much of a problem playing the game, but I have found that it is tedious and tiresome. I can act the role of the "player" but truthfully, it is not my personality. I consider myself a laid-back, straightforward, and nice guy. At some point, I like to be able to relax and let my guard down without feeling like I'm going to be pounced on like prey. Unfortunately, I have not found this moment. As soon as I start acting like my natural self, and quit "playing", women try to take advantage of me, and if they succeed once, they think they can do it again and again.

This is, in fact, my Holy Grail: to find a woman that doesn't insist on playing these games and just behaves in a consistent manner. I have been looking for such a woman since I was 17, and every time I think I've found her, I find out that I've made a mistake.

This is exactly what I'm looking for. Even I've become disillusioned, and I'm close to giving up hope of finding anyone who doesn't instinctively try to take advantage of trust.

And it is turning out like the quest for the Holy Grail.

 

[Civrules]

This is exactly what I'm looking for. Even I've become disillusioned, and I'm close to giving up hope of finding anyone who doesn't instinctively try to take advantage of trust.

And it is turning out like the quest for the Holy Grail.

And you are not going to find it. So get used to it...

This is the "human mating ritual." No matter how much "different" we see ourselves from other animals; we still operate under the same biological principles.

Just like some male birds dance around their female potential mate, make themselves appear larger, and/or display more colors to her in order to impress her, we also have our own hard-wired program for that.

Girls take advantage of trust, play hard to get, and all other "games" because she is testing you in order to see how you put up. If you fail, there is certainly a male out there with better genes who's able to handle her challenges and be a man.
This is the girl's method of filtering through guys. It's about survivability. I don't care how advanced we think we are, the number one principle for us is to survive and reproduce on this planet. That's pretty heavy, so you can't just expect there to be no challenges. How would we then choose who we pass on our genes to ensure the best chance of survivability?

It's like taking a bird who just refuses to the-whatever-dance in front of a female he wants. It's just not going to happen.
Either learn it or forget about it. And if you learn it, enjoy it.


We think we are so advanced that we get proud and arrogant about it, and ironically that literally dumbs us down because we look to find the "logical" explanation rather than the "biological" explanation. And the logical explanation just isn't there.

 

[Captain2]

okay, what if like myself you actually act as a funny guy to get girl, yet thats how you constantly are, that means you arent jumping though hoops

I know some guys act differently for awhile, but i tend to act exactly the same because I feel that they may like how I act for the begining, but i never want them to be able to say i used to be nicer, funnier, cooler whatever at the begining and that i've changed

 

[Civrules]

You should never "act."

This is a learning process. When you finish 10 years of college, do you "act" educated, or ARE you educated?

This is the same thing. You develope a personality because you want to change yourself and be attractive to girls.
If I were to ever "act" on something, I'd really have to try hard acting how I used to be earlier this year. Because that's just not me anymore.

Either that, or I'd have to be a hired actor somewhere.

 

[BCLG100]

I dont think I want to know why you would mention throwing up or wetting yourself...

Well if you do you've got a good conversation topic to open with.

 

[aneeshm]

And you are not going to find it. So get used to it...

This is the "human mating ritual." No matter how much "different" we see ourselves from other animals; we still operate under the same biological principles.

Just like some male birds dance around their female potential mate, make themselves appear larger, and/or display more colors to her in order to impress her, we also have our own hard-wired program for that.

Girls take advantage of trust, play hard to get, and all other "games" because she is testing you in order to see how you put up. If you fail, there is certainly a male out there with better genes who's able to handle her challenges and be a man.
This is the girl's method of filtering through guys. It's about survivability. I don't care how advanced we think we are, the number one principle for us is to survive and reproduce on this planet. That's pretty heavy, so you can't just expect there to be no challenges. How would we then choose who we pass on our genes to ensure the best chance of survivability?

It's like taking a bird who just refuses to the-whatever-dance in front of a female he wants. It's just not going to happen.
Either learn it or forget about it. And if you learn it, enjoy it.


We think we are so advanced that we get proud and arrogant about it, and ironically that literally dumbs us down because we look to find the "logical" explanation rather than the "biological" explanation. And the logical explanation just isn't there.

I'm not talking about the initial ritual, I'm talking about the time after the games have all been played out and I think I can afford to be honest. It never works. I make it explicitly clear that I'm lowering my guard because I think that the woman is worthy of trust, and every time it turns out she isn't, really.

 

[C~G]

I just realized how narrowly certain people see the whole concept of human mating and into what kind of logical fallacy they fall into.

(not related to you aneeshm)

 

[Civrules]

I'm not talking about the initial ritual, I'm talking about the time after the games have all been played out and I think I can afford to be honest. It never works. I make it explicitly clear that I'm lowering my guard because I think that the woman is worthy of trust, and every time it turns out she isn't, really.

Okay, there's no such thing as "after the games have all been played out." The games are always on. (With animals, of course, it is different because most of the time they tend to not "marry.") Only after years can firm trust be established, in some cases, not even that helps. You can never lower your guard.
The way I see it, you HAVE to keep doing what you were doing initially to stay in that relationship. It's like a stuttering affect. You can't really let your guard down. Because... as everyone knows, once you have something, you tend to move on.
That's what is happening with the women you are with. They know they have you, so they tend to move on. There has to be some mystery with you. You can't get boring and let your actions be predictable.
It's another biological mechanism that makes humans strive for bigger and better things. Once something is a "sure thing," we just move on.

I hope that makes sense as to why the woman isn’t worthy of trust.
Keep her on her toes...

 

[Civrules]

I just realized how narrowly certain people see the whole concept of human mating and into what kind of logical fallacy they fall into.

(not related to you aneeshm)

Elaborate?

xcl...

 

[Sophie 378]

Update: it's been two weeks, and he hasn't contacted me. I think I'm more relieved than anything else. If/when he does, I shall just tell him - sorry, not interested, don't waste your time. Thanks for the advice, guys.

...

Reading over the thread, it's interesting to see the advice for men. It makes me realise that quite a few people who I thought were just being irritating (minor insults, ignoring me etc) might have actually been trying to pick me up by acting alpha-male.

 

[Brighteye]

I'm not talking about the initial ritual, I'm talking about the time after the games have all been played out and I think I can afford to be honest. It never works. I make it explicitly clear that I'm lowering my guard because I think that the woman is worthy of trust, and every time it turns out she isn't, really.

Oh yes, almost every time. Once they've won your trust they regard it as a resource to be used. Which, to be fair, it was, way back in uncivilised times: a man's care was something a woman instilled because she needed help to raise a child and protect it and her.
For people who romanticise relationships, women have a very utilitarian approach to them when actually in them...
although I do think I've found your holy grail. She hasn't tried to take advantage even once, in complete contrast to a previous girl who tried to take advantage in the most unsubtle ways you can imagine. Things like 'but I thought you cared', 'All my other boyfriends did', 'it's only right' and 'but it's what I deserve' all emerged from her lips.
I can laugh now, but it was rather frustrating always to be saying no and arguing about it. It'd be nice to be able to treat a girl as an equal without being pushed to treat her as a superior. Because then I have to push back, taking in equal proportion to her, making a relationship a game of take-take and full of tension. It seems that the only way to cope is to take control entirely. But if I wanted a sex doll that I was in complete control of I wouldn't enter a relationship with it. I'd simply use it.

Hmm... sounds familiar doesn't it? This is why girls who test men most (who tend to be the most attractive ones) also tend to have emotional problems. It's because the men they hook up and fall in love with are the controlling/ nasty ones who just use them. And they then have the temerity to blame men for their problems, which are caused by their behaviour.

I'll stick with an unassuming girl who only expects what I've promised and no more. A nice, traditional English virtue. Shame that English youth isn't very keen on virtues or tradition.

 

[Civrules]

Reading over the thread, it's interesting to see the advice for men. It makes me realise that quite a few people who I thought were just being irritating (minor insults, ignoring me etc) might have actually been trying to pick me up.

If they were successful and you went with them, then they were trying to pick you up. If nothing happened, then you can't really tell if that was their intention or not.

 

[Sophie 378]

Note use of the word might.