Title : OMG PWNZORED AGAIN ! by Mansa Musa
Body :
These humans are bloodthirsty maniacs, i tell you !
Here we are on a landmass, and I have a great start, a really great one, y'know what I mean ? I had 3 food resources in my capital's cross, and lots of lovely jungle to turn into cottages around, I was happy! More, my best friend Darios is my neighbour, I know we'll have a trade fest for thousand of years ! There's Brennus, who founds Taoism before you can say "stupid zealot" (the human picked "choose religions"), and Tokugawa, the ugly man who never speaks to anyone. And finally there is the human, who plays Alexander of the Greeks : he seems a normal guy, spamming cities and cottages all around, someone sane. Taoism spreads, we all convert and that's such a lovely family, we all get along great !
Then out of nowhere the human attacks Brennus ! Can you imagine that ? He was pleased with him, I swear, and he attacks him anyway ! Who does that ? I think that Brennus shouldn't have settled these cities so close of the human, he was obviously trying to culture-steal his resources and you know how humans are greedy but still, attacking him, like that... Phalanx run all over the place, there's a lot of violence, that's really disgusting. Anyway, I don't do anything but researching, you know how I like that. After a while, Brennus capitulates to the human after losing the Holy City and some others around, I didn't really pay attention.
Darius and me were researching great, we traded everything, and even the human player couldn't catch up with us. Serves him well for having one of those fancy brains instead of good logarithms like a normal person. He was searching odd techs like Horse Riding and Engineering, while we were following the Aesthetics path. I built shiny wonders, you wouldn't believe : the Great Library, the Parthenon, all in my capital. It's sooo lovely now ! Meanwhile, my general (I only have one, yes. It's my nephew, and he's an horrible scientist, so I gave him the job) was happy because we succeed in some stupid quest named Greed : well, we succeeded by accident, because our borders expanded after the human took a Celt city. But my nephew was so happy ! He trained four macemen, I think they're called, and gave them to me. Now what am I supposed to do with that ? I have like two longbowmen in each city, nobody would dare attacking me. I put them somewhere and forget about it.
And then the human declares war on me and bribes Tokugawa to do the same ! How's that fair ? He has maybe 40 units, how am I supposed to compete with that ? He already took me three cities before I can say "ouch", and he's coming for my capital. He wants my wonders ! I can't train anything but longbows, he has taken my mine of iron I gained by accident, and blew up my mine of copper with a spy !
Help me ! What do I do ?
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