Heh...could you imagine a Civ IV forum for the AI?

[Churchill's Hat]

Thread: HELP!!! The Human tricks me!
Mao

So I had one city near Finland and the rest in Asia in an Earth 34 Civs map, right? Anyway, I had three vassals and Portugal, my enemy, had some riflemen, cav, grens, and cannons in a nearby city. Although I had lesser technology, I had about twice his number, and three vassals to boot! Anyway, so he declares war on me. Naturally, I march my stack right up next to his city. The next turn, he attacked and killed most of my guys, and then mopped up after I stayed there to heal. What am I doing wrong?

Isabella: You think you had it bad, he warrior rushed me on the third move... How am I supposed to attack a warrior on a forested hill? How?!

Elizabeth: He attacked me and his GG killed my warrior...

Mao: Maybe you could stop getting off topic. Besides, why didn't you build something else? It was like 300 BC and you had two warriors! You couldn't even settle any other cities in Britain!

 

[mechaerik]

Cathy AI: For 500 gold + 3 technologies I may think about it.

Cathy AI: Aha, well, most tempting... Perhaps I can do to you some... 'little favors' so I can perhaps get 700 gold instead...? *blinks to Isabella and put a finger in her mouth*

Isabella AI: AHH, BURN IN HELL YOU !@#$~@$%^*&0! HOW CAN YOU EVEN THINK OF THAT?!?!! I SHALL HAVE YOUR SOUL!!!

Dude, that's EPIC WIN!!!!

 

[Lemon Merchant]

From the "Heh...could you imagine a Civ IV forum for the Human?" Thread:

Suliman: Um...
Monty: Uh, well...
Lincoln: Oh jeez...
Hatty: C'mon you guys. Somebody must have an idea.
Gandhi: Well, it takes some creativity to come up with something. Some forethought... Skills we all lack.
Louis: Mais oui! It requires talent and intelligence.
Asoka: I must say I'm drawing a blank here...
Washington: Wait! Wait! I got one!

Lemon Merchant: Guess what everyone, I won a game!!!

Monty: LOL, That's priceless!
Lincoln: Very good, very good.
Boudica: I don't get it...
Gandhi: What, we have to explain this to you?
Boudica: Well, I'm not that bright...
Monty: I don't get it either.
Lincoln: You just said it was priceless.
Monty: That was the RNG talking.

 

[bestbrian]

Get out. Who are you and what have you done with Lemon?

 

[Lemon Merchant]

Get out. Who are you and what have you done with Lemon?

Cathy: We have her. She is a guest. For, how you say? Safe keeping. We give her back when we have examined brain. We will have secrets of Lemon Mod. Then watch out!

 

[mechaerik]

This thread is funny stuff; i refuse to let it die.

 

[bestbrian]

That's why I necro'd it in the first place.

Now if only we could come up with clever things to keep it alive...

 

[Turquoiside]

Topic: "We reject your empty threats!"
Creator: Capac

Post: What makes the human say this? I thoughe was supposed to give in, but as of late he has been dening me! Now I can't invade him with Maceman buecause he wouldn't give me MachinerY!

Re: "We reject your empty threats!"
Monty: Just be meaner. Even if your a wimp, if you tech well, like me, the human will give in. Next time, don't trade unless you get 10% more beakers than the human would.

RE: "We reject your empty threats!"
Augustus: I also find stealing wonders to be a good way to make them say yes.

Re: "We reject your empty threats!"
Capac: Thanks guys. Next game I'll steal more wonders and demand more outragous trades.

RE: "We reject your empty threats!"

Capac: It didn't work! In fact, I got invaded instead! Help!

 

[Rusty Edge]

This thread is funny stuff; i refuse to let it die.

It's a classic.

 

[Dumanios]

The I won a game thread!!!
by Salad Guy

Salad Guy:I won a game at 1400 BC!!!I Praet rushed the human!

Skull Man:So?

Salad Guy:Have you won a game?

Skull Man:No...

Scourge of the Humans:I've won at 3000BC.

Salad Guy:No way.

Skull Man:I think something weird will happen.

Dumanios:Surprise Noobs!!!

 

[Shylock]

Hannibal: Sweet the capitulation deal I signed with the Romans got lifted somehow!

Hannibal: Oh God... Oh God.... OH GOD.

Hannibal: I lost to the Romans (who else?) but at least I took out their arty. Stupid human kept saying something about "rolling a hard six".

 

[bestbrian]

Aztec Admiral: Sire, Privateers have appeared outside our coastal cities. They've plundered our fishing boats, and blockaded our ports.

Monty: Build Caravels in all our cities. I don't care how many it takes, just build Caravels, smite our enemies, and drive them from the seas!!!

Admiral: Yes, Sire.

Monty: What does our intelligence agency report? Who's responsible for this assault upon Mighty Aztecland? They shall feel the wrath of my Jaguars!!!

Admiral: No indications, Sire. All the coastal cities in all the lands are being blockaded by pirates, except for Brianland. So we have no idea.

Monty: Nothing?

Admiral: Not anything. However, on an unrelated note, Brianland has produced a number of Great Generals, which is something we may want to stay aware of.

Monty: Who are they at war with?

Admiral: Noone.

Monty: Well, stop distracting me with this Great General nonsense. Where are these pirates coming from? I know! Ghandi! It's always Ghandi!!! That peace-loving four-eyed creep shall beg for mercy on my Sacrificial Altar!!!

 

[K.K.]

Topic: Early in the game...

...and there are 10 Queuahchas (?) controlled by a human outside my capital. What could they possibly want? Seems a little overkill for scouting... Anyway I just finished the Great Wall so I should be safe.

 

[kooboo]

Topic: Power Rating ignored?

Artificial Intelligence: Hey, so I was first in power rating, with my 115 caravels I got attacked by the Intelligence. I mean WTH, I was like two times stronger than the second best player in game! That was like, omg!
He totally ignored might of my navy. He had only one galley which I gleefuly sank (my only success in that war )
Worst of all, he razed my AP city...
What am I doing wrong?

 

[Rusty Edge]

BOUDICA- The secret to dealing with humans is Diplomacy! Open that screen as often as you can . The longer they stare at you, the dumber they get.(They do this - )They'll even gift you wine,gold and jewels. Ask them for favors, ask them to protect you, and if they decline say "Not even for a good friend?"
It works on 90% of them all of the time!

VICTORIA- I've never seen such a thing you must play with different settings...
And the other 10% ?

BOUDICA- Inexplicably they seem to treat me with jealousy and contempt.

 

[bestbrian]

BOUDICA- The secret to dealing with humans is Diplomacy! Open that screen as often as you can . The longer they stare at you, the dumber they get.(They do this - )They'll even gift you wine,gold and jewels. Ask them for favors, ask them to protect you, and if they decline say "Not even for a good friend?"
It works on 90% of them all of the time!

VICTORIA- I've never seen such a thing you must play with different settings...
And the other 10% ?

BOUDICA- Inexplicably they seem to treat me with jealousy and contempt.

JOAO: Just ask him for tech every turn. Eventually, he'll give in.

SITTING BULL: Oh, and keep blowing up his Mines, Cottages, Farms, etc. It heep big fun.

 

[Monsterzuma]

Just a bit of random fun. Hope noone minds if I stray from the original idea for a bit.

Gandhi: woohoo!! I did it!

Mehmed: congrats!

Catherine: grats, handsome you ready for another peace treaty now?

Ramses: why you little...!!

Ramses has left the game.

Tokugawa: another 377 in the bag!

Louis XIV: You've got a wonder? Just one? Yawn. And who ever builds the Pyramids anyway... *switches production to the parthenon*

Mansa musa: what's the point? I've teched Constitution already.

Shaka: what's the point? I've just coerced Mansa into giving me Constitution.

Sitting Bull: Mansa, I know you're annoyed with me, and I've never been a very good Hindu up to this point, but will you give me Constitution pretty pretty please...?

Montezuma: uhm, Mansa, hold on while I take care of this. I need this pile of rocks to unlock Police State. Then, I'm coming to get my protection fee from you.

Montezuma has declared war on Gandhi.

Mansa: gah. This planet is too violent for my tastes. I'll just have to go look for another one.

Mansa Musa wins a space race victory!!

All except Mansa: D'oh!

 

[Lemon Merchant]

From the What is going on? thread...

Advisor: Madam... Madam... Madam...

Cathy: What? Oh, sorry. Was thinking about horse. What you want?

Advisor: Madam, there are 77 Advanced Main Battle Tanks, 200 Mechanized Infantry, and 115 Mobile artillery units at the gates of Moscow...

Cathy: What?

Advisor: Madam, please do not slap me, I am only giving you the news.

Cathy: How this happen? Who let this happen?

Advisor: Actually Madam, I think it happened while you were beating up Gandhi. And there's a woman here to see you.

Cathy: Who? What she want? I'm busy.

Advisor: A Natasha O'Something-or-other, Madam, and I believe she wants Moscow.

Cathy: Not stupid Irish woman again! Ever since she read strategy articles I can't get rid of her! Send her away! And attack those tanks!

Advisor: Madam, we have nothing stronger than Musketmen. You were so busy REXing, we had no money to build anything else...

Cathy: Fine, send stupid woman in...

Lemon: Hi Cat! Fancy a little capitulation?

Cathy: Nyet! How come you win all the time now? You used to be so stupid.

Lemon: All in the suit that you wear Darlin'. Now, how 'bout Moscow?

Cathy: Well, that is nice suit. Versace?

Lemon: Nope. Donna Karan. I don't war in Versace. It might get dirty.

Cathy: (sigh) I don't have fashion sense. Look at silly hat I wear. Hmmm, how about I give Moscow, you give fashion tips. Maybe we go for horseback ride?

Lemon: I'm not riding your horse, I might get trampled.

Cathy: That is only myth!

AI MOD: Thread closed.

 

[Dumanios]

Topic:MUITIPLAYER!!!!1
By Skull Man

Skull Man:What is the big deal with multiplayer anyway?

Salad Guy:It will have more human players playing.

Wondermaniac:It gives u moar hoomans!!!

Bushido:Are you on Crack?

Wondermaniac:No,I bin drinkin win all day long.

Skull Man:Freak...

Dumanios:LOL.

Spoiler :

If you can guess who all of these posters are,you win 4 internetz!

 

[6K Man]