Help Ultraworld finding a girlfriend

[Bozo Erectus]

Originally posted by naervod

Now, on to my problem. A lot of advice on this thread is about how to meet girls and what to do when you have a girlfriend. However, my problem is asking them. It's been a good year or two since I've had a girlfriend and since then I haven't been too lucky asking others. I recently met quite a few nice girls at the school dance yesterday and at my friend's party today, some of which I wouldn't mind sharing a long-term relationship with. My fear here is getting rejected, as out of the four girls I have asked out since my first girlfriend broke up with me, all of them have rejected me, leading to an extreme fear of rejection. I worry about the consequences of getting rejected (I still would want to be friends with her, but in the past, girls that have rejected me have generally stayed away from me for a few months after I asked them) and the depression I would face after getting rejected. I was wondering if anyone could tell me when a good time is to ask out someone that I like, where a good place might be (in school, church [yes, there is a girl from church I like] call her [I would like to find a good way to get a number too], IM her, etc.), and how close we should be as friends already. Any advice would be greatly appreicated.

Naervod

Hi Naervod. Based on the info you gave, Im assuming youre a teenager or young adult, that youre a decent church-going lad and that what you most desire right now is to be in a relationship, not just "score", get laid, etc. You seem to be involved in church activities so thats great, girls you meet at these church functions will have the same interests and out look on things as you do. Right off the bat, this gives you lots of stuff to talk with them about which is a major hurdle removed from the word go. That was always my problem, going up to a complete stranger I know nothing about and striking up a conversation with her. About your fear of rejection: that tends to become a self fullfilling prophecy if you dont take steps to overcome it. Try to think of it like going to the pool. You know its going to feel freezing at first so you hesitate and your instinct is to half heartedly inch your way in little by little. But really the best way is to jump in headfirst and get it over with. In a minute or two the water will feel fine. When you see the girl you like at church, dont think about asking her out, JUST DO IT! Dont give yourself a chance to scare the living daylights out of yourself. Go talk to her before you even have a chance to get nervous. Easier said than done I know, but you CAN do it. One way to get around this is to ask her out to go to a movie or whatever along with some of your friends. Its much more casual that way : "Hey there Peggy Sue, we're all going to the movies, want to come along?"

 

[naervod]

Thanks so much for all the advice guys. I was up late last night so I didn't go to church this morning, but i will try something on Monday. This will probably help me immensely.

 

[Desmond Hawkins]

I said it once, and I will say it again. If you are aged 18 to 21, aiming a few years younger will always do the trick.

 

[EdwardTking]

Originally posted by smalltalk
This is from the Life and Death Magazine for the Elimination of Truth.

Beware of sarcasm, irony and misogynism!


Ten tips on finding a bride

We asked Dr Katherine Jenkins, world-renowned expert on male/female psychology, to devise a list of the best methods for seducing women. Here is what she came up with!

1) Establish a career for yourself. This should be your highest priority. A woman likes to see a flash porsche to go with your smile. It shows her you are genuine. It reveals that you are prepared to sacrifice your entire life for the sake of a woman's well-being.

2) Learn to be unconscious, like a boy. Women hate consciousness in a man: it immediately implies he is against her. A man who continually removes himself by way of reflection clearly shows that he is capable of independent action and is therefore not to be trusted.

3) Learn to cultivate a violent disposition. Woman love violent men and mastering them. If you can manage to be aggressive towards everything in the world except the woman you love, you can be sure she will regard you as a good man. If you can then manage to be aggressive towards her as well, she will be yours forever.

4) When approaching a woman for the first time, don't worry overly much about your "opening line". The words you use are far less important than the messages given out by your body language. A woman is not so much interested in a man's linguistic dexterity as in his ability to promise a rosy future. Always remember that the first thing a woman looks at in a man is his shoes. She thinks: Is he reliable? Will he be able to pay the bills? Will he be a good father to the kids? Or is he just a self-serving creep? All these questions are assessed and resolved within the first moment of the initial introduction, so if she accepts your offer of a drink, you could well be on the brink of a long and loving relationship.

5) Learn how to make women laugh. This more than anything could ensure your success in winning them over to your side. The trick is to appear harmless, like a clown.

6) If at first you don't succeed, try and try again. In the matter of seducing girls, persistence always pays off. Always be ready to flatter. Tell her how beautiful she is. Lie if you have to - a woman will always take it as a compliment.

7) If in doubt, buy her flowers. Flowers are magical pieces of vegetable matter capable of totally overwhelming the female mind and producing in it strong feelings of goodwill to the man who gave them to her. The man may have recently confessed to being a multiple murderer and serial rapist, but in her eyes he is the sweetest man in the world. All of you should take note of this marvel.

8) Having captured her, the next task is to keep her.

9) The perfect husband is a chameleon, capable of adapting to the ever-changing moods of his wife. He is, alternately, a provider, protector, stud, little boy, wife-beater and girlfriend - depending on what her needs are at each particular moment. Therefore, you would be well-advised to shed your own personality completely. This is but a small sacrifice and not as painful as you might think.

10) Good Luck!

Is that all you have to do?

Blimey! That sounds as much fun as being invited into a railway carriage by an Austrian with a silly moustache to sign a deal.

I think I (grand old age of 47) shall retire into a sad and lonely old age as a bachelor, reduced to a fate of drinking beer, window shopping the cuties from a nice cafe, and playing Civ instead.

 

[DvR]

Originally posted by naervod
[I would like to find a good way to get a number too]

- "Hi, I'm writing a phonebook.. Can I have your number please?"

- "Hey there, I forgot my phonenumber.. Could you give me yours?"

- "Can I buy you a drink, after which you give me your phonenumber? or would you rather have something to eat?"

Or after having a little bit of a conversation first you could just act normal and ask her if you can call her sometimes..

 

[Japanrocks12]

Ok here's my real advice... Pretend to be a friend, then flirt, then ask her out

 

[Benderino]

You know what sucks? The nice guys always lose.

 

[jack merchant]

But 'nice guy'-ness is not an unalterable character trait ! The fault of the nice guy is that you give women the wrong impression - they really believe that if some guy is attentive to them and listens to them it means that that guy genuinely wants to be their 'friend'. So that's the wrong way to go about it.
It's not that hard to show people that you are in fact nice without having to pick on the whole 'nice guy'persona. At some point, you'll also have to show some assertiveness. Practice !

Not that I'm all that good at taking my own advice, of course

 

[Benderino]

Yeah, I guess that's my problem. I'm too much of 'just a friend'.

So how do we 'nice guys' of the world go about being 'macho'?

 

[jack merchant]

Quintessential 'nice guy' that I am, I can only say 'practice' (I wouldn't presume to give advice here if I didn't know what I was talking about from practical experience )! Next time you meet a girl you like, give her a compliment ( and a true one - they recognize when it's phoney), then ask her out - you can always be friends later.

or so I've been told

 

[Bozo Erectus]

Originally posted by Benderino
So how do we 'nice guys' of the world go about being 'macho'?

When I decided to start being macho I had to throw away my videos of 'Fried Green Tomatos' and 'Divine Decrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood'.

 

[Benderino]

Originally posted by Dumb pothead


When I decided to start being macho I had to throw away my videos of 'Fried Green Tomatos' and 'Divine Decrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood'.

Oy gevult, you're in worse shape than me.

 

[bobgote]

Originally posted by jack merchant
But 'nice guy'-ness is not an unalterable character trait ! The fault of the nice guy is that you give women the wrong impression - they really believe that if some guy is attentive to them and listens to them it means that that guy genuinely wants to be their 'friend'. So that's the wrong way to go about it.

Being a boyfriend AND a friend at the same time? That's crazy (but just so crazy it might work )

 

[Archer 007]

Working from the ground up is much better then being a friend first. All of my "friend first" work has failed on a grand scale.

 

[The Yankee]

Originally posted by Benderino
Yeah, I guess that's my problem. I'm too much of 'just a friend'.

So how do we 'nice guys' of the world go about being 'macho'?

Depends on the definition of macho, or being a man. A man will take responsibility and will also persevere, which are traits I like to give off, it always attracts a higher class girl. Some macho will just lift weights, grunt, and be far too aggressive. I think something like "machoness" is best left to moderation.

 

[Pongui]

About asking her number. Innocent shyness can render this little trifle vague, shifty, even creepy. Best be direct and specific:

"I want to phone you Thursday to talk about a possible date, because I'm taking a liking to you."

Or one could state a wish to discuss the lady's underwear. The request should be explicit. Explicitly tender is OK.

 

[thestonesfan]

Originally posted by Benderino
Yeah, I guess that's my problem. I'm too much of 'just a friend'.

So how do we 'nice guys' of the world go about being 'macho'?

Well, I'd forget the macho thing. I don't think that any woman you'd want will go for that. You can be masculine without being macho.

Although if you are in high school, which I seem to remember is the case, the rules are much different. Girls don't see a guy's real virtues at that age, or they don't care about them, anyway. High school can be quite rough in that department.

 

[Xen]

ya know... I wonder if all the female posters come here and giggle at the silly guys talking as if we have a clue on how the female mind works, and how to pleas it enough to go out with us

 

[Xen]

Originally posted by thestonesfan


Well, I'd forget the macho thing. I don't think that any woman you'd want will go for that. You can be masculine without being macho.

Although if you are in high school, which I seem to remember is the case, the rules are much different. Girls don't see a guy's real virtues at that age, or they don't care about them, anyway. High school can be quite rough in that department.

DEFINANTLEY!

though i find that alot of the info here dosent conform to standards in my area... girls seem more pleased to go out with guys they have been friends with for a little while...

 

[The Yankee]

Originally posted by thestonesfan


Well, I'd forget the macho thing. I don't think that any woman you'd want will go for that. You can be masculine without being macho.

Although if you are in high school, which I seem to remember is the case, the rules are much different. Girls don't see a guy's real virtues at that age, or they don't care about them, anyway. High school can be quite rough in that department.

Which is why I never even bothered to worry about things like relationships in high school. The girls seemed to want to go after guys not because of what they were like, but because of these odd social titles that people had...athlete, playa, higher on the economic scale...so on. It'd be a waste of time and energy....besides, I didn't find anyone I liked....and I wasn't going to go try to find a relationship just for the sake of it.