Historical Joke Thread

[FriendlyFire]

People in russia have the oddest habits
Like queueing for no reason this is because of the shortage of all goods. So once a queue starts everyone joins the line because there is something to actually "buy"

Anyway afterfollowing a 2 block queue my teacher whom was a tourist found out it was some poor quality shoes for sale. (certainly an interesting tale of the times)

 

[Emperor2]

I think this is in someone's sig:

Peasant: Oh, Commissar, we have grown so many potatoes that if we piled them up they would reach the feet of God!
Commissar: But this is the Soviet Union. There is no God!
Peasant: That's ok. There are no potatoes.

RONALD REAGAN, BEST PRESIDENT EVER

 

[Emperor2]

This is not mine, just so im not in trouble. This was on a different forum site. And this is paraphrased.

An Englishmen, a Frenchmen and a Russian were talking about the nationality of Adam and Eve.

The Englishman said: "They were English. Eve liked the apple so much, she offered it to Adam. Genuine British manners."

The Frenchman said: "No, they were les Francias, they were both naked."

The Russian said: "I can prove beyond doubt they were Russian.

1. They had no cloths
2. They had no heat
3. They had ONE apple and they called it paradise."

 

[Emperor2]

The Communists ALMOST succeded in creating a classless society. Take away the dictators powers and everyone is poor, with nothing to eat.

 

[Pokurcz]

-Why won't Stalin just shoot all "enemies of the people"?
-Because then there wouldn't be anyone left to work in the factories.

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-How are you, my soviet brother?
-Worse then yesterday, but better then tomorrow!

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An elderly man has ben deported to Central asia and sees a camel for the first time in his life.
-Look ,he says, what the communists have done with that horse!

 

[Cheezy the Wiz]

RONALD REAGAN, BEST PRESIDENT EVER

LOL that was a good one!

 

[Emperor2]

I was serious.

 

[Dragonlord]

I was serious.

That's what makes it so funny....

 

[Lone Wolf]

Continuing Soviet anecdotes:

USSR, 1970's. A man standing in a queque begins to express his discontent loudly:
- We have no sausage, no meat... Where all that is coming to?!
Two men in civilian clothing immediately take him to a corner and say:
-In 1930's people were shot for such remarks! You'd better be quiet!
The complaining man is shoked:
-Our bullets are finished too?!

 

[Mirc]

Continuing Soviet anecdotes:

USSR, 1970's. A man standing in a queque begins to express his discontent loudly:
- We have no sausage, no meat... Where all that is coming to?!
Two men in civilian clothing immediately take him to a corner and say:
-In 1930's people were shot for such remarks! You'd better be quiet!
The complaining man is shoked:
-Our bullets are finished too?!

I've got a similar one:

Romania, 1985:
500 people were standing in a queue. At some point, a man there started shouting:
- What is with this queue?! Why do we have to wait so long for milk? Why? WHY??! I'll shoot him, I'll leave right now and shoot him!!! [Ceausescu]
He returns in 2 hours. The queue didn't advance at all. Some old woman there recognizes him and asks him:
- So, how did it go, did you shoot him?
The man, disappointed:
- Nah... the queue was even bigger.

 

[Cheezy the Wiz]

I was serious.

Stop...STOP!!

 

[TheLastOne36]

Continuing Soviet anecdotes:

USSR, 1970's. A man standing in a queque begins to express his discontent loudly:
- We have no sausage, no meat... Where all that is coming to?!
Two men in civilian clothing immediately take him to a corner and say:
-In 1930's people were shot for such remarks! You'd better be quiet!
The complaining man is shoked:
-Our bullets are finished too?!

That one was a good one.

I have one to. About rome.

Teacher: How was the roman empire cut in half?
Pupil: With a pair of Ceasers!

another one:

First Roman: We had wild boar for dinner last night.

Second Roman: Wild?

First Roman: Well, he wasn't too pleased about it!

 

[qwert]

Fidel Castro dies and goes to heaven. There he encounters God who says to him:
But you can´t enter here, only good people can, you will have to go to hell.
So Castro is sent to hell were Satan treats him with all respect. After half an hour the dictator notices that he has left his suitcases at the gates of the heaven, so Satan offer him that two of his devils will go to bring the suitcasses down.
When the two devils appear at Heaven and God sees them he exclaims:
"Its incredible, Fidel Castro has been in Hell for only half an hour and there are soon two refugees!"


This is an anecdote that i hear once (i don´t know if its true):

After the Cuba revolution the factory of the Coca Cola company was nationalized. Of course Coca Cola ceased to send some of the ingredients which were produced in the US.
In order to solve this matter some Cuban chemists are put to work in order to replicate it. After they have succeed, the factory is put to work again.
Ernesto "Che" Guevara which at that time was ministry of industry, was invited to the inaguration.
It is said that after drinking the Cuban Cola she exclamed:
"It may be a sh**t, but it´s ours"

I don´t remember any more at the moment.

 

[ParkCungHee]

People in russia have the oddest habits
Like queueing for no reason this is because of the shortage of all goods. So once a queue starts everyone joins the line because there is something to actually "buy"

My favorite variant of that story is that one Ivan gets to the front of the line finally he asks "Can I buy meat here?"
The Shopkeep replies, "Of course not, this is where you can't buy fish. The place where you can't buy meat is next door!"