How real are you?
- Thread starter Terxpahseyton
- Start date
Hygro
soundcloud.com/hygro/
I think about this a lot.
Are you scrubbing? Are you too cautious? If you're scrubbing, and not just making a mistake, it means you are putting on an act and out of your depth. Are you too cautious? You aren't playing to your potential.
Are you too nerdy or too bro? If you're too nerdy, you aren't acting fast enough on what you know, so you aren't being real with yourself. If you're too bro, you aren't checking the facts and you're stumbling over those who know better.
Are you too greasy or dry? If you're too greasy, you're sliming your way into things you are neither qualified nor a good fit for. You can easily end up with the wrong person (or, say, job) before you both realize you don't actually like each other. If you're too dry, you're getting caught up on things that don't matter relative to what you could be doing. Too dry and you won't get the job or find the person(s) you match up with.
Are you thinking in pure tropes or are you thinking in only the literal words?
My quest is to learn my ever-adjusting limits, my level of cool, and do my best. And that takes being genuine, which takes learning and practicing.
I think that it's also important to intuit someone's boundaries early on and not impact them with being more open than they want or can handle, but otherwise just be raw and honest.
The downside: Sometimes, though, people are so busy reading between the lines or listening for ulterior motives that when you're honest, they think you mean something other than what you said and take offense. Like, take offense at something they completely imagined. I found in-person people have occasionally begun taking offense at things I never said nor intended nor suggested ever since I've been speaking much more plainly and directly this past year.
***
A side anecdote, last year just back from Burning Man where you get a real intense experience of what's real (much of it) and what's fake (some of it) and what's pretending/playing but in an authentic way (a lot). I was in a bar in Oakland and this dude wearing a hat was annoyed I found his friend a more interesting rando conversant, because this guy was more outgoing etc and wanted attention, and the friend was chillin' and didn't. Anyway, the dude interjects about my hair loss (lol really man?) and I forget what he said but I was like, pretty unperturbed at the time and then asked him why he was wearing a hat. Turned out he had a few grays in his 30s.
Eventually, I was just pretty blunt, "you just gotta love yourself".
He tries to get me on being a hippy, which is a compliment when you think about it, but he dodges over to "I mean, I think I'm pretty awesome" like that could be the same.
I don't really know how to describe it better, but I felt that was the core of how he wasn't fully honest with himself. Seemingly subtle shifts to avoid the painful truth, that he didn't actually like himself. The guy was blunt and open and didn't outwardly lie as far as I witnessed, but he wasn't full real. And he hurt.
Are you scrubbing? Are you too cautious? If you're scrubbing, and not just making a mistake, it means you are putting on an act and out of your depth. Are you too cautious? You aren't playing to your potential.
Are you too nerdy or too bro? If you're too nerdy, you aren't acting fast enough on what you know, so you aren't being real with yourself. If you're too bro, you aren't checking the facts and you're stumbling over those who know better.
Are you too greasy or dry? If you're too greasy, you're sliming your way into things you are neither qualified nor a good fit for. You can easily end up with the wrong person (or, say, job) before you both realize you don't actually like each other. If you're too dry, you're getting caught up on things that don't matter relative to what you could be doing. Too dry and you won't get the job or find the person(s) you match up with.
Are you thinking in pure tropes or are you thinking in only the literal words?
My quest is to learn my ever-adjusting limits, my level of cool, and do my best. And that takes being genuine, which takes learning and practicing.
I think that it's also important to intuit someone's boundaries early on and not impact them with being more open than they want or can handle, but otherwise just be raw and honest.
The downside: Sometimes, though, people are so busy reading between the lines or listening for ulterior motives that when you're honest, they think you mean something other than what you said and take offense. Like, take offense at something they completely imagined. I found in-person people have occasionally begun taking offense at things I never said nor intended nor suggested ever since I've been speaking much more plainly and directly this past year.
***
A side anecdote, last year just back from Burning Man where you get a real intense experience of what's real (much of it) and what's fake (some of it) and what's pretending/playing but in an authentic way (a lot). I was in a bar in Oakland and this dude wearing a hat was annoyed I found his friend a more interesting rando conversant, because this guy was more outgoing etc and wanted attention, and the friend was chillin' and didn't. Anyway, the dude interjects about my hair loss (lol really man?) and I forget what he said but I was like, pretty unperturbed at the time and then asked him why he was wearing a hat. Turned out he had a few grays in his 30s.
Eventually, I was just pretty blunt, "you just gotta love yourself".
He tries to get me on being a hippy, which is a compliment when you think about it, but he dodges over to "I mean, I think I'm pretty awesome" like that could be the same.
I don't really know how to describe it better, but I felt that was the core of how he wasn't fully honest with himself. Seemingly subtle shifts to avoid the painful truth, that he didn't actually like himself. The guy was blunt and open and didn't outwardly lie as far as I witnessed, but he wasn't full real. And he hurt.
Traitorfish
The Tighnahulish Kid
I have no idea. I can't really sustain facades for any length of time, because I very quickly begin to see through them and assume that everyone else will as well. Problem is, I do this so much and so reflexively that I lose the ability to tell when I'm actually being sincere.
I'm probably more sincere online, because I have (or at least feel that I have) a greater control over how I appear, so I'm not having to worry about unintended nuances or incorrect reactions in quite the same way.
I'm probably more sincere online, because I have (or at least feel that I have) a greater control over how I appear, so I'm not having to worry about unintended nuances or incorrect reactions in quite the same way.
Harv
Emperor
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2008
- Messages
- 1,987
I might be wearing a hat soon! I just met somebody who turned out to be a close friend of my stylist and crashed and burned in a most spectacular manner!
Wow.
Sounds like that guy had quite notable self-issues. Good that you handled it that way
In a work setting it often is needed to not be 100% 'real' (at least if that means you act/say what purely you like to), cause there the people tend to near you because they expect something else than just talking to you. Eg in the seminars i quickly learned that i would be hugely better off by presenting a set program, and not really what i personally would be hugely interested in. For example i would not be keen on reading info on the general timeframe of early philosophy, but people in a seminar may well be very welcoming of such info. On the other hand i would be interested in an analysis of idealism, but not many in the seminar setting would).
But with people in a social setting, i suppose it is quite healthy to mostly be what you are anyway (if that is possible at the time).
But with people in a social setting, i suppose it is quite healthy to mostly be what you are anyway (if that is possible at the time).
Lord of Elves
Suede-Denim Secret Police
- Joined
- Oct 31, 2009
- Messages
- 6,976
I have been told I am a very genuine person. I'm not certain to what extent that's true, but the recurring adjectives people use to describe me (at least in real life) are loud and pretentious, so I think the assumption is that if my day-to-day personality is that abrasive it must be honest.
timtofly
One Day
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2009
- Messages
- 9,445
If you are being genuine, it may put people off, and they may call you pretentious, out of spite?
AdamCrock
Polish Pirate
I am quite Unreal !
Borachio
Way past lunacy
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2012
- Messages
- 26,698
Ah, possibly.
Is there something unsettling about sincerity, then?
Not the over-earnest type though. I mean just being honest and straightforward. And, in fact, unpretentious.
Kozmos
Jew Detective
Usually I get called pretentious when I dis some part of popular culture, be it videogames, books, movies, behaviours and so forth. I don't see it as pretentious though, just calling out badly made/done stuff bad.
Kozmos
Jew Detective
I like to believe it's because they don't know any better. I used to enjoy a lot of garbage before I learned all the tropes and gimmicks and read/watched/listened actually good stuff. Then I tried all my old stuff again and aside from a few nostalgia-tinged things I realized how awkward and bad it was. There is an element of personal taste, I account for that but I can still put down the execution of this or that.
Phrossack
Armored Fish and Armored Men
- Joined
- Oct 26, 2008
- Messages
- 6,045
I bite my tongue (literally; it helps) and restrain myself much of the time, perhaps coming off as a little nicer than I really am. With some people I'm more playful and laid-back, around others I'm awkward and overly polite, and with others I'm tetchy.
I'm only really myself around some of my friends some of the time. Or when I'm alone, most of the time. Then, nobody can call me out for being myself, because I'm an unusual person with highly unusual tastes and beliefs.
I'm only really myself around some of my friends some of the time. Or when I'm alone, most of the time. Then, nobody can call me out for being myself, because I'm an unusual person with highly unusual tastes and beliefs.
Zack
99% hot gas
Realer than Vernon Franklin.
Borachio
Way past lunacy
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2012
- Messages
- 26,698
It's one of those things like charisma: you've either got it, or you haven't.
And I've got LOADS of both!
Spoiler :
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