Is it unmanly for a guy to stay home and take care of the kids?

[Fart]

Lets say you have a married couple and the wife has a much more important job that pays much more. Then what happens when they have kids? I'm not an expert at this but I believe both parents can't go to work and leave a baby alone, one would have to stay home a while and take care of it at least till it's old enough to go to a day care
Has far has I can see the husband would have to stay home for a while and take care of the kids, or are there any other alternatives? If there aren’t, could the husband still feel manly and proud and consider himself of average toughness?

 

[CurtSibling]

It is the mark of a real man to take his responsibilities in hand.

Being 'tough' does not come in the the debate.

IMHO,
If his lady has the better paying job, it stands to reason that the man should care for the kids.

 

[Jeratain]

There's nothing wrong with a male taking care of the kids while the wife works.

The only downside I can see to that is if you want to breast feed the child for the first few months. Then that might be a bit tricky for the male

 

[Pongui]

I (papa) occasionally minded my breastfed son for a day, while his mom was at her part-time job or just getting a break. We had a milk bank in the freezer. He protested her milk being in a bottle. Often I'd have to take the hungry and screaming babe to her work, when we ran out of milk. Breastfed babies will bond especially to mama no matter how good a father you are; they'll miss her desperately and let you know it. For these reasons I believe that looking after babies is tougher for men than women.

"Toughness" does come into the debate. Caring for a newborn is extraordinarily hard work, psychologically and physically. Severe sleep deprivation is unavoidable. Many people get their first gray hairs during these months. Some new parents get bladder infections because they have no time to urinate.

Now that my son happily drinks cow's milk from a bottle or cup, I enjoy minding him part of the week. In fact, I've so far resisted my wife's suggestion we both work full time with our son in day-care. A real man doesn't walk away from his child.

EDIT: My tot isn't yet 18 months, and though we could earn more with him in daycare, I think he's too young to be parted from his parents. Or maybe I'm just overly protective.

 

[CurtSibling]

Originally posted by Sean Lindstrom
"Toughness" does come into the debate. Caring for a newborn is extraordinarily hard work, psychologically and physically. Severe sleep deprivation is unavoidable. Many people get their first gray hairs during these months. Some new parents get bladder infections because they have no time to urinate.

When I said 'toughness does in come into the debate', I did not mean it in that respect.

I was referring to 'farts' post, in which I assumed he meant it was 'uncool' for a man to to housework, etc...
I'm sure you get my meaning...

It is hideously hard work to raise a kid!
I have done it, It's no picnic!

 

[Pongui]

Cooking up rice porridge and fussing over carpet stains, then.

That isn't manly in itself, unless perhaps done in macho style. I don't know. What's "manly"?

About money. I feel I must support my family financially. That's contrary to my belief that husband and wife should share roles wherever possible, if only to share a common experience. To my thinking, my present situation of working part time, and my wife doing the same, alternating childcare, is ideal for now (though it hardly pays the rent and it's a strain on my business). But something in me wants to provide everything, do everything, be the hero.

 

[Rodgers]

You'll all mad. Children?! Bah!!

 

[bobgote]

I don't think its unmanly, unless the guy wears some kind of flowery apron and mops the floor. I think its important that it's not ALL you do tho. maybe some kind of job or something, cos you don't want your kids growing up thinking you do nothing. realistically, i think its the female's place, but they guy certainly has to help out and definitely needs to have a big hand in raising the kids rather than just coming home late, reading the paper and going to bed.

 

[Becka]

When we've evolved to the point of men giving birth to the children like seahorses, THEN we'll really be advanced.

Any man who thinks it's unmanly to help raise his own children deserves a piece of tobacco in his eye.

 

[CornMaster]

It is unmanly when you judge manlyness by the old steriotype.

But who cares?

What matters is how the man feels, and he should feel good for doing the right thing. Giving freedom to his partner and giving love to his kids.

 

[gr8ful wes]

Well, fart,

As a father it is my job to provide for the financial and emotional support of my offspring. My wife stays home with our children and nurtures and educates them. If my wife suddenly landed a job in which she got paid better than I do, I would gladly switch roles, but you better believe my children would be helping me do things like raising vegetables, tending livestock, cleaning game, and tidying up.

I gladly took two weeks of paternity leave when both of my li'l cherrubs were born, but I feel that if I'm not working, then I am not doing the right thing. I don't know if it is manly. I know it is what is right for my wife and me.

hope that helps, fart.

 

[Richard III]

Once again, I feel odd talking to a fart. However, fart, I concur with most of the writers above: the question is the unmanly part.

Nothing is more unmanly than some lazy jackass who has kids and then leaves a woman to deal with it all. Support can take many forms, but staying home and rearing the youngsters in the fine art of being a civfanatic is certainly in the list of options.

Sadly, our society is full of those who believe in doing nothing instead, building a generation of kids who prefer Doom or The Sims instead.

R.III

 

[gr8ful wes]

BTW, Fart, what do you call your children? little stinkers?, skidmarks? or perhaps something with a little more volume? or do you prefer them to be silent?

 

[cromagnon]

Maybe they're dingleberries? Or fartlets?

Possible alternatives to either parent staying at home with the kid:
Live-in nanny
Part-time nanny
Day care
Family members (usually grandparents)

There is nothing unmanly about taking responsiblity for what he had a hand in creating (whether you think it's a beautiful child or a little monster). In my ideal world, the mother takes 6-8 weeks maternity leave after giving birth in order to recover; then the father takes 6-8 weeks paternity leave while mom works. This way, there is always at least one parent at home, and labor and responsibility are divided as equally as possible.

 

[allan2]

What "being a man" IS all about is taking whatever responsibilities life throws at you, and getting the job done.

If your family can be most financially secure with the wife working, well then, there you have it. SOMEBODY must watch the kids, and a REAL man will see the writing on the wall if that responsibility naturally falls onto him. And a real man will try the BEST he can at it, and get it done.

A REAL man DOESN'T CARE what the "other guys" say, either....

 

[gr8ful wes]

and a real man ain't afraid to call himself Fart.

 

[CurtSibling]

Originally posted by Becka
Any man who thinks it's unmanly to help raise his own children deserves a piece of tobacco in his eye.

Sadistic, but I agree!

 

[CurtSibling]

Gadzooks!

Wait till the Sultan sees the thread-starters name!

 

[Zcylen]

being a man represents many things and one of those (a very important one) is to care about the kids.Im not even married yet cool
But the father (or farter) is an important part of the family too.

 

[Sparrowhawk]

My parents own a dental practice. My Mom is the dentist, and my Dad manages the business. Thus, it was my father who stayed home and raised my sister and I, and my mother who went to the office every day. I don't see any problem with it at all.

Personally, when I have children I expect my wife to stay home for the first year of each child's life for logistical purposes. After that, alternating two years on two years off until they are at least 10 sounds reasonable to me.