constantinople
not Istanbul
Karnage of the Kingdom of the Kongo
Kreated by Konstantinople
Prelude
Kreated by Konstantinople
Prelude
I'M BACK BABEH!
Link to video.
Yup. I asked you guys to pick out a mod and civilizations, but... Looks like I'm picking them!
Clearly, RFCDC (Which explains the ACDC!) won so I picked three DC stories! Plus FIVE more! So, I'm going to be bringing y'all eight stories! So, without further ado, the Karnage of the Kingdom of the Kongo!
Chapter I
One day...
Spoiler :
Mbemba: Boy, this Afrika is bull and doring... I mean dull and boring... Or it was...
Adviser: Achievement unlocked: Unite the tribes of the Kongo!
Mbema: Oh, you raskal, thanks for spoiling the story! There goes the suspense...
Adviser: Look, we don't have time for this. Didn't you read the Dawn of Man text?
Mbema: But this is the Dawn of Civilization, not the Dawn of Man!
Adviser: Ugh, not another idiotik king...
Mbemba: Another?
Adviser: I think I was the advisor to the king of Spain, a man named "Giovanni," and a terrible baseball player in other lives.
Mbemba: Kool, but what is this "Dawn of Man" text?
Adviser: Well, if you would have read it, you would know the Europeans have gotten bored killing each other and are expanding to Afrika. And they will konquer every last civ, inkluding us.
Mbemba: Gulp... Let's get started. We need a kapital for the Kongo...
Adviser: It should have Kongo in it, but we don't want anyone to get konfused...
Mbemba: We need a random word to go in front of it...
Adviser: What about King?
Mbemba: That's stupid, I wish I kould smak you in the bak of your head with mah banjo - That's it! Mbanjo Kongo!
Spoiler :
So Mbanza Kongo was founded at the Kongo Delta. The King decided he would need a narrator, and, since I've been unemployed since the Kind of Serene Republic, er, Republik, of Venice, I took the offer. I have regretted it since...
For no good reason, the Kongo wasn't advanced it had to research teknologikal stuff like sailing. But they had other problems, like the evil Impi. After the Kongo was united, these weirdos who were stupid didn't join and kamped out in the jungle to terrorize the Kongo. Lukily, they suked.
For no good reason, the Kongo wasn't advanced it had to research teknologikal stuff like sailing. But they had other problems, like the evil Impi. After the Kongo was united, these weirdos who were stupid didn't join and kamped out in the jungle to terrorize the Kongo. Lukily, they suked.
Spoiler :
Mbemba: You lair, there's no Europeans. Whoa, look, a chik!
Spoiler :
Isabella: Hello, heathen. How you doing?
Mbemba: Fine, thanks. So, you are the kween of Kastile?
Isabella: Yup. Hey, you wanna konvert to khristianity?
Mbemba: Nah, it hasn't spread to my cities. So, anyway, as a matter of fact, my unkle was the king of kast-
Isabella: Kool, kool. uh-huh, so, you reallllllllllllllly should konvert to Katholikism or else we'll kill you.
Mbemba: Pft, you, or any of your neighbors, especially ones that start with "P" and build karracks and spawn musketman outside of my cities, kould never, ever deklare war on me. Goodbye!
Adviser: Wow...
Mbemba: Yeesh, what a drama kween! I hope that is the last of the Euros.
Louis XIV: BLAHGHHAARLGHLLLAAAARGH!
Spoiler :
Mbemba: Get him out of my sight!
Adviser: Well, our kingdom is growing. But the stupid Impis keep koming.
Spoiler :
Mbemba: Our pombos were made to pwn, we kan defeat them. We kan't let them take over our cities. What if a European nation does try to kill us?
Adviser: Nah...
Spoiler :
Adviser: They just keep koming... If they pillaged our fields, that would be a disaster!
Spoiler :
Lorenzo D. Mediki: Hiya. I'm the leader of Italy.
Mbemba: And I'm the king of the Kongo, what do you want, a kookie?
Lorenzo:
Mbamba: I'm sorry...
Spoiler :
Mbemba: I feel... sad...
Adviser: Well don't, we will soon have kopper!
Spoiler :
So, the Kongo expanded to the east. The kingdom was finally growing and fishing. They would, hopefully, be sekure in kase of a foreign invasion.
Spoiler :
Mbemba: No, our army suks. We need an Afrikan War Elephant. A Phoenician one.
Spoiler :
Adviser: I hope this works... We will survive!
*DING-DONG*
Mbemba: Look, I told you, I paid my taxes, what do you want?! Oh, sorry, I thought... Never mind... What do you want?
Man 1: I have a business proposition. You see, we kome from a rich kingdom, like the Kongo. Now, we can offer you a lump of gold, whatever the kost, for a piece of your land. We only wish to expand our civilization.
Mbamba: Who are you? What do you want?
Man 2: My name is Afonso, his name is Diogo. Our king wishes for you to return what is rightfully his back to its owner. We are just the middlemen. We hope you kan cede over a portion of your land peacefully. We will go as high as 200 gold.
Mbemba: What do you want me to give up?
Diogo: Oh, just your kapital, Mbanjo Kongo. We hope you will make the right choice. For, that territory is rightfully the krown's.
Mbemba: Never! Take impi infested land, but not my kapital!
Afonso: I'm sorry you feel that way, Mbemba. Our kingdom kan easily defeat you. We massakre and enslave thousands of you people each and every day. We want you to give up the city peacefully, we don't want to see any bloodshed, especially since it will be of your armies.
Mbemba: No, no, no! I'm a new king! And the blood will be your soldiers, not mine! We are not afraid to slaughter! Your king is a savage barbarian!
Diogo: Mr. Mbemba, our king is the king of kings, God. He will guide us. He is just. He knows who the viktor is. God is our shield, armor, and sword. You are facing a battle you kannot possibly win. Just return the land to the krown. God has granted us karracks and musketmen, they will rain down fire on your empire until it is a smoldering waste land. Our kingdom never sleeps. We value konkwest as much as exploration. We have examined you for years. You should have seen this koming, didn't you read the Dawn of Man text?
Adviser: Told you.
Mbemba: Who are you?
Afonso, We, Mr. Mbemba, are the Kingdom of Portugal. We will enslave your people and take your town. Every last man, woman, and child will be killed or enslaved. You kan give up the land peacefully and lose one city, or fight until every last Kongolese is murdered in a war, no, even deadlier than war - karnage. You have one last chance. Say yes to our offer, for there is only one right answer.
Mbemba: No...
Dang it, Portugal!
