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LeIrvLove Nes II-Cavalier'n @u bb ;)

Discussion in 'Imperium OffTopicum' started by Nuka-sama, Feb 25, 2017.

  1. SouthernKing

    SouthernKing crickety cricket

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    Deva Loka
    Stephen Curry was having a pretty great day, walking down the street in Istanbul while magically eating a generous helping of rogan josh, when he came across a most strange sight. A news broadcast.

    In Indonesia, war was beginning.

    This caused him to drop the curry in his tracks.

    "No!" he cried. "I must fight the demons!"

    In a flash, he stripped his Golden State jersey off, quickly followed by his underwear, until he was stark raving nude in the middle of the street. And while he had a captive audience, he stripped further, shredding his latex skinsuit to reveal...

     
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  2. Masada

    Masada Koi-san!

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    Meanwhile in Japan,

    "Dewi love you've aged so damned well. What are you like 70? Hell you don't look a day over 40. Now give your formerly dead husband some sugar... and tell me who does your facelifts?"

    *deathly silence*

    "Get out of here, I'm au natural!"

     
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  3. Nuka-sama

    Nuka-sama See ya! It has been a fun decade!

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    Andrew Bogut and Matthew Delladova looked over the battlefield cautiously. The Australia, East or West they were not sure but the one they were on, had been mostly defeated. Their dusters looking super cool in the Aussie sun and they had those cool sunglasses on too, they were approached by a single man with a shield. "WHOZ ARE YA" SHOUTED Delladova

    "YOUR END" shouted the figure and swung his sword down, tearing Australia into two. "The Axes of Evil send their regards" Matthew and Andrew were laying on the grown, defeated, when suddenly Gordon Hayward of the Utah Jazz appeared over them "All-Star Gordon Hayward!" Andrew shouted "SAVE US!"

    Gordon smiled "Haven't you heard though?" as he aimed a fire basketball "It's the JAKARTA JAZZ NOW!!!!"

    And he sent a fireball at them. SUHARTO WINSSSSS Shouted a Narrator.

    MEANWHILE IN INDONESIA

    MARC GASOL OF THE VANCOUVER MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES DUELS ONE OF THE OTHER SUHARTOS AND WINS VIA COLONIALISM. SAFFRON MAN IS THERE TOO BUT ITS NOT CLEAR WHAT SIDE HE IS ON!~!!!!! NEO SUKARNO IS STILL IN AJAPAN WITH THE BEST ANIME GIRLS EVER!

    Harlem GLobetroottters host peace conference, no one comes :(

    SUPER MASSIVE, LIKE20 FT TALL BLAKE GRIFFIN SCORES 43 points, 10 rbs, 5 assists.. Clippers barely squeak out a win in OT, 124-121 over the Charlotte Hornets. Chris Paul, DeAndre Jordan mysteriously out with "Injury" , strange ghost alternating between cheering and screaming out of frustration



    ALL IS WELL declares Mega-Lebron as Cavaliers deliver crushign blow to the Milwaukee Bucks NOTHING ABNORMAL HERE! declares Mega-Lebron




    BUT THEN

    ANOTHER PORTAL OPENEED||D!
     
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  4. Nuka-sama

    Nuka-sama See ya! It has been a fun decade!

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    SPOILER for Spoilers and big images
    Spoiler :
    "Ok babe" says Nuka "I need you to stay with me on this"

    "This isn't really that complicated" says Nuka's fiancee

    "Anyhow so the world starts on Earth 1 in 2013 represented here"



    "Then Lebron uses the Chaos Dunk in 2014 but disappears from the World Time Line."



    "Ok"

    "Then the world goes into a post-Lebron state, and basketball is made illegal. But then aliens appear in 2117. Only Charles Barkley is strong enough to fight them but he's going to lose. To stop them from taking over though, he uses the Reverse Chaos Dunk"



    "Ok"

    "That creates a time paradox because there had been a Chaos Dunk on Earth 1 performed already. Because of this, Lebron is shot out of the nothingness and lands on Earth-2 right before the aliens come"



    "It's 2017 because time machines can only go back 100 years"

    "Ok"

    "Anyhow, what we didn't know is that Earth 1 and 2 are connected via the Chalk Zone; specifically Earth-2 2017 and Earth-1 a few months before the 2014 NBA Championship."



    "Ok so do you get it now?"

    "Yea"

    "Ok"" align="" border="0" />
     
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  5. Masada

    Masada Koi-san!

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    Neo-Sukarno is chasing 73 year old tail in Tokyo. He don't need no anime "girls" when he's got a shot at a real woman.
     
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  6. Nuka-sama

    Nuka-sama See ya! It has been a fun decade!

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    o i c my b
     
  7. JamesCaesar

    JamesCaesar People-Vulture

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    Scottie Pippen- Man, Myth, Legend, Beatle?
    It's a known fact that the Beatles are the greatest band of all time, and that Scottie Pippen is the greatest basketball player of all time. Would it be so much of a stretch to say the two are connected?
    Of course not.

    Recent research unearthed during the making of the Ron Howard documentary "The Beatles: Eight Days a Week" shows that history as we know it has been constructed from a revisionist point of view. In a bizarre, Mandela effect-esque turn of events, the drummer of The Beatles has been confirmed to have been none other than basketball legend Scottie Pippen.


    Artist's Rendition of The Beatles & Scottie Pippen live at the Hollywood (Super)bowl.

    No one is quite sure how this dramatic change to one of the most popular bands of all time flew under the radar for so long. Some speculate it is due to the extreme talent of Pippen, that he was able to time travel to years before his birth, make his way into the lineup with his dashing looks and unmatched musical talent, and cement himself as one of the greatest drummers of all time, while still making it back in time for basketball and dinner.


    The document that began the search into Pippen's involvement with the Beatles. Pictured: Guitarist Dougal McGuire, Drummer and Superstar Scottie Pippen, Bassist Paul McCartney, and Guitarist Kurt Cobain.
     
  8. Thorvald of Lym

    Thorvald of Lym A Little Sketchy

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    Subbing so hard, I haven't laughed this much since Newstopia. :lol:
     
  9. Nuka-sama

    Nuka-sama See ya! It has been a fun decade!

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    "Mr. President-Sama!" HUD Secretary Ben Carson sang "Your approval rate came in! 98% think you're already the best president ever! But of course they don't say that I'm your #1 fan!"

    President Trump smiled "Arigato, Ben-san. Those are good numbers yes, but I will not stop until I can win the approval of every American."

    Ben pouted "The silly fake news have just been slandering you Senpai. It's really Adam Silver and the Axes of Evil who don't see your glory"

    "Now now Ben-san. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. All I can do is work hard to ensure that every American feels like they have a voice in my administration. Now then!" Turning to Secretary Mathis "The loss of our ally Australia to the Axes of Evil cannot be tolerated. Summon the NSC and we will discuss how to stop not only them, but also this...Suharto fellow"

    "Very good sir. I should also add that we are seeing some rumblings from the Shadow Realm. The King of China may be returning to plot his revenge. Word has it that Venomancer is gathering his forces for another attack. The UN seems ready to support him once more"

    President Trump shook his head "Summon the Tajikistani ambassador. Obama never should have agreed to let Venomancer take the Canadian Pacific Coast. Well, what's done is done....Also let Ambassador Haley and Secretary Tillerson know about the situation with Australia and the likely debate in the UN. We will likely have a meeting later today and I want to ensure that they are fully up to speed."

    "Very good sir."

    Ben shook his head "Senpai, I don't know why you don't just go Super Saiyan and fight Venomancer and the Axes! They're way weaker than you and we could just be done with it!"

    President Trump smiled "Ben-san. I'd love to but we cannot end all of our problems with violence. The American people are counting on me to be a great leader, and sometimes a leader waits before he acts. And with this whole 'Mega-Lebron' situation, we may have an enemy right within our ranks too. We will need to be patient and then we will strike when the time is right"

    "I gueeeeeeeesssssss"

    *LATER AT THE DEPARTMENT OF HUD*

    "Secretary Carson! You have a package!"

    "Oh thank you Maureen! Oh these are socks! How thoughtful! I can't wait to try them on...."


     
  10. JamesCaesar

    JamesCaesar People-Vulture

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    Is There Life on Other Planets?
    On Tuesday the 19th of March, 2017, an expedition under the command of Scottie Pippen was sent out to explore the newly discovered planet, aptly named Pippenia after its discoverer. When the spacecraft HSS (His Scottie's Service) Lebronicus Titanus landed, the crew was astonished at what they'd found. A rare species of dog morphed with their captain himself, the Scottie Pippen Scottish Terrier.

     
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  11. JohannaK

    JohannaK Heroically Clueless

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    Socks? What is this travesty? I shall burn the world's stockpile of socks, and take over everythin!
     
  12. NinjaCow64

    NinjaCow64 Thought Bubble Thinker Supporter

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    Surely you mean "everyshin".
     
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  13. Reus

    Reus Polar Bear

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    Devon Island

    With East-East reintegrated successfully and its cheap child labor pumping out overpriced western sports brands, Super Suharto the Ninja Genocider can now allocate 2% of Indonesian GDP into funding a new basketball team dubbed the "Asean Autocrats" to properly compete in NFL. Objections were raised as the budget allocation of 2% is already the second largest chunk of government spending behind Corruption (98%), however objections were dissolved as those who objects mysteriously disappear for unrelated reasons.

    Already, this new upcoming team features the most talented of talents. The team is captained by Super Suharto, whom will sweep the court clean like he sweep away communists from Indonesia. Assisted by vice-captain Ferdinand Marcos whom will steal victory from opponents like he steals the public wealth of Philippines.

    Other talents include the Singaporean autocrat Lee Kuan Yew. His magical hand will magically poof the ball into the net like it had poofed tiny Singapore into an economic juggernaut. And Abdul Rahman of Malaysia who's physical strength can kick opponents out of play like he kicked Singapore out of Malaysia.

    Rising Filipino star Rodrigo Duterte is also rumored to take part in this promising team.
     
  14. Crezth

    Crezth 話說天下大勢分久必合合久必分

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    in China, man guy called upon an old friend: the immortal empress Wu Zetian, whom nuke asked me to include in this story and he specifically asked me to do it "tastefully" and i have no idea what that means. she gave him the map to the famed tomb of qin shi huang-di. this is the place, he thought, putting on some brass knuckles, wherte im gonna have a throwdown with the king of china.

    you see, the king of china had turned the tomb into a mighty fortress guarded by thousands of terracotta warriors, who were stronger than fleshblood warriors nd not nearly as fragile. so man guy had a certain respect for these warriors.

    a terracotta greeted him at the door. "u cannot enter this sacred fortress" said the warrior "go back at once or ill wrekc you"

    "No," said man guy, in splendid and dramatic fashion, "I must fight for freedom & democracy and, most importantly, the HEAT."

    the terracotta laughed, but it didnt sound like any thing cuz he didnt have vocal chords. oh wait i guess if he didnt have vocal chords he wouldnt be able to even talk in the first place. hmm. well maybe the laugh does have a sound then, like wind rushing through a cavern or a whisper of words passing through silent and hallowed chambers of skywards-reaching stones. thats gay actually so nvm. remember to delete this paragraph latre

    the terracotta laughed, and man guy just didn't care. "you fight only for yourself!" spat the terracotta. "you coward! you basketball-cultist! a mercenary of HEAT!"

    man guy shook his head sadly. "HEAT is aboutg more than just basketball dude" he said. "HEAT is about the human spirit nd the indomitable will of all people to be free, to achieve and to strive together to conquer obstacles, and Lebron-

    the terracotta laughed again, a grating, mocking sound. "LEBRON IS GONE" he taunted! "U r a FOOL to believe in the PROPHECY"

    man guy pulled out his sword and threw it at the terracotta, but the terracotta grabbed the sword and threw it back. they threw it at each oither in this fashionm for about 45 minutes, until finally the terracotta tripped over a piece of brick and died.

    manb guy ran into the fortress, beating up terracottas, pushing them into deep pits, knocking them into each other, all kinds of creative crap and creative stupid wqays to beat up some clay stone people. anyway he did this as he went, until he got to the throne room, where the evil KING OF CHINA was sitting!!

    "MAN GUY" he said in a deep voice that u would expect a villain to have "You hav ecome at last to my lair to fight me."

    "its over, king of china!" said man guy! "lebron has returned and will restore the balance"

    the king of china roared with evil laughter and stroked his wispy white beard with a gnarled hand. "you think that killing me will restore the balance? you have no idea what is at staKE, man guy. pathetic child, while you have been hunting my lieutenants, you have forsaken your duty to the HEAT and to Lebron, and now your own country has fallen into the hands of a KING"

    "what?!?!" thought man guy. "a king?! in AMERICA?!"?!"

    but outwardly man guy kept his chill whichb was important in a situation like this where you'd want to seem sort of detached. "what do you mean?" he said doing his best david hayter impreshion

    "i mean simply that you may kill me, but you yourself" said the king "are already dead"

    angered by this, man guy rushed the king with his sword, and the king revealed his own sword! so began the dance of steel, as they smacked their swords against each other CLANG CLANG CLANG TCHING KAA-SHING. the king was fast, despite his old age, and he was clearly skilled in Sorcerisms! however, man guy kept his eye out for an opening, and (to hit: 23 vs AC) hits (damage: 7 slashing + 479 holy), felling the king

    on his knees, the king chuckled raspily, and coughed. he was clearly trying to play it off like getting his ass handed to him was no big deal, but man guy knew better and frankly so do the rest of us, so personally let me just say FACK you king. anyway the king said: "see to your own wounds, man guy... you have not brought liberty to china... you have been idle as tyranny descended on your homeland. so with my last breath i curse you and i curse your people..." then he died.

    man guy frowned for the first time he was not 100% sure what the correct couirse of action was. "is it true a king could rise in America?" he thought. "i must get to the bottom of this..."
     
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  15. Nuka-sama

    Nuka-sama See ya! It has been a fun decade!

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    Guys. I need to put this on hiatus bc my mom grounded me and I have to feed my cat :( hope to have this back soon!!!!!
     
  16. Nuka-sama

    Nuka-sama See ya! It has been a fun decade!

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    Hiatus over, no longer grounded and my Cat moved away. Update 2moro (or mb 2nite!!!!1111+!!!!
     
  17. gay_Aleks

    gay_Aleks communism will win.

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    at least ur fiancee isn't limiting ur sex while youre updating

    Ecks Dee Ecks Dee
     
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  18. Nuka-sama

    Nuka-sama See ya! It has been a fun decade!

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    Breaking news: Bulgarian salt mine collapses due to high amounts of salt. Thousands feared dead.
     
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  19. JamesCaesar

    JamesCaesar People-Vulture

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    Time traveler/Former President of Borneo Scottie Pippen has declared he will open black pepper mines to aid the Bulgarian refugees in finding work.
     
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  20. Decamper

    Decamper ..!

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    Carson felt a disturbance in his socks. For days his lower limbs had been wrapped in their socky warmth, and now he could tell they were threatened.

    'I'm ben carson and i wont stand for this.' said Ben Carson.

    He called his bros who he had shared his new love of socks with. Together they would stop this evil, and spread the joy of socks, because socks socks socking socks.

    Carson, feet firmly wrapped in socks, socked the socks. But there was still one man to be embraced by socks.


    Image title: Pres' Pretty Boys.
     
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