Next War PBEM

[Imperator Knoedel]

Norm: "Ha... His Excellency doesn't seem to realize that we also have a large defense force in Delhi to defend our eastern borders from any attack from that front. Unlike you cretins, we are able to handle a war on two fronts should the need for it strike us. The Lady is prepared for all contingencies. Including an invasion from both Europe and Asia as we all do this three-way dance in the Old World. You keep working on building levee while we build additional mechach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach..."

Stop being so damn paranoid! And how do you know about Our infrastructe building programm anyway? Also We just declared war on the Asians and sent the bulk of Our army to fight them in Siberia. We are on your side here you ungrateful bastards.

 

[Luthor_Saxburg]

USA declares war to.... nobody!

The isolacionists lobby have the majority of the USA stocks, so peacefull times lies ahead... but Mr. Big is concerned of what effect of the war on the rest of the world might bring to trade and commerce...

.

 

[Nighthawk419]

Stop being so damn paranoid! And how do you know about Our infrastructe building programm anyway? Also We just declared war on the Asians and sent the bulk of Our army to fight them in Siberia. We are on your side here you ungrateful bastards.

Jesus II speaks via un-coded message (so all the powers that be will pick it up and see it too) to His Excellency:

"Can you blame the Lady for being paranoid? When she first takes over this great Southern Empire, you immediately made demands and shake your fist at her. She refuses and with a slight show of force, suddenly you are on her side? You flip-flop like my pair of flip-flops I'm wearing right now! For all we know in a few turns you will change your mind depending on what happens in east India. Luckily Norm and Jeeves are there to keep control of the situation, as long as that damn robot's spark plug doesn't fry, or something. You call us paranoid, yet the majority of your forces still remain in Istanbul and Algiers. I wouldn't call 2 maniacal infantry much support.

*in pirate voice*
Anyway, the Lady has accepted yer gracious offer and has moved more troops out of Jerusalem. If ye be on our side... then prove it to us, ye skalleywag!

PS - It seems the rest of the world is quickly catching up on our not-so-secret spy program, including you. If you are really on our side... then stop with those espionage points against us as a sign of good faith and we shall do the same."

Somewhere else in the world, the Lady sits on her throne and shakes her head.

(gps)

 

[Imperator Knoedel]

"Can you blame the Lady for being paranoid? When she first takes over this great Southern Empire, you immediately made demands and shake your fist at her. She refuses and with a slight show of force, suddenly you are on her side? You flip-flop like my pair of flip-flops I'm wearing right now! For all we know in a few turns you will change your mind depending on what happens in east India. Luckily Norm and Jeeves are there to keep control of the situation, as long as that damn robot's spark plug doesn't fry, or something. You call us paranoid, yet the majority of your forces still remain in Istanbul and Algiers. I wouldn't call 2 maniacal infantry much support.

Yeah it took Us a while before We realized that it might not be a bad idea to actually listen to Our advisors.
As We said, most of Our troops are in Siberia to engage them there, what you see in Algiers and Istanbul is just a token garrison.

PS - It seems the rest of the world is quickly catching up on our not-so-secret spy program, including you. If you are really on our side... then stop with those espionage points against us as a sign of good faith and we shall do the same."

You have like three times more EPs against Us than We have against you, so that´s a really bad excuse.

 

[Nighthawk419]

Yeah it took Us a while before We realized that it might not be a bad idea to actually listen to Our advisors.
As We said, most of Our troops are in Siberia to engage them there, what you see in Algiers and Istanbul is just a token garrison.

Norm, the robot:

"In our opinion, this is factually incorrect."

You have like three times more EPs against Us than We have against you, so that´s a really bad excuse.

Jesus II, head spy and master pirate:

"Aaaarrrrr ye matey, this may be correct, but by our count most of those espionage dubloons were allocated our way in the last 2 or 3 turns after ye noticed we were watchin' ye from our rigging! There has definitely been a large increase in your espionage dublooning towards us recently, and anyway, the point is this: if this truly is some sort of pirate alliance, then let us call parlay and stop wasting our time trying to be sneaky with each other when we both know what is going on! Parlay, ye skalleywag!"

Somewhere else in the world, the Lady with the hawk head-dress makes her pirate voodoo doll dance...

Jesus II yells "aarrrrr matey!" and starts to dance in front of the video feed before another new voice says "Jesus II, what is wrong with you lately????" and the video feed cuts out.

 

[Eclipse4449]

GPS to Imp. Knoedel

 

[Imperator Knoedel]

Norm, the robot:

"In our opinion, this is factually incorrect."

Shut up, you´re a robot, nobody cares about your opinion. Where is The Lady, anyway? Doesn´t she know how rude it is to send one´s robot to speak with royalty? We are sure the Bourbons and Habsburgers would have counted this kind of behaviour as an act of war!

"Aaaarrrrr ye matey, this may be correct, but by our count most of those espionage dubloons were allocated our way in the last 2 or 3 turns after ye noticed we were watchin' ye from our rigging! There has definitely been a large increase in your espionage dublooning towards us recently, and anyway, the point is this: if this truly is some sort of pirate alliance, then let us call parlay and stop wasting our time trying to be sneaky with each other when we both know what is going on! Parlay, ye skalleywag!"

Ugh, fine, We have quartered our Espionage output against you, happy now?

We´d also like to point out that the first victims of the Indian war were of European descent, so you´d better put on a more respectful tone. Some of the guys We drafted for your reinforcement had families from which We have cruely taken them away y´know.

 

[Nighthawk419]

Shut up, you´re a robot, nobody cares about your opinion. Where is The Lady, anyway? Doesn´t she know how rude it is to send one´s robot to speak with royalty? We are sure the Bourbons and Habsburgers would have counted this kind of behaviour as an act of war!

Norm: "These sort of diplomatic affairs are below the Lady's thought level, which is why she has hired (and in my case, purchased) us to handle the diplomatic affairs of Her empire. You should not consider this rude at all, I am a Diplo-Robot v.34673A.01, the top of the line model on the market. The Lady spared no expense and had special modifications added by the manufacturer just for her use. I am proud to say I was a very costly purchase! Anyway, it does not matter, the chances of a European declaration of war against the Lady's Empire within the next 4 years have been reduced to a measly 15.78%."

Ugh, fine, We have quartered our Espionage output against you, happy now?

We´d also like to point out that the first victims of the Indian war were of European descent, so you´d better put on a more respectful tone. Some of the guys We drafted for your reinforcement had families from which We have cruely taken them away y´know.

Jesus II: *takes off his pirate hat* "aaarrrrrrr matey, arrrrrr..."

 

[Luthor_Saxburg]

The American Company has realized that it is the underdog in terms of spying... several expensive consultants have been hired to study the situation... soon they will disclose their advice, which is something that everybody knows and the CEO of the company will be embarrassed to hear what he should have known in the first place.

 

[Eclipse4449]

His Excellency, I address you personally! YOU have Declared WAR on me, and you have earned that damage, if that unit remains the rest of that pathetic Mech. Inf group will be destroyed.
And as for an Asian assault, my units are Fortified in key strategic locations. You complain about Indian Ear causalities? All of my units are promoted with/ordered to First Strike in addition they are Protective of their land. If I had a Robot like the one I keep hearing about I think he'd say your chancess of success is suicide!

I suggest you barter for peace.
TGL Out

 

[Nighthawk419]

His Excellency, I address you personally! YOU have Declared WAR on me, and you have earned that damage, if that unit remains the rest of that pathetic Mech. Inf group will be destroyed.
And as for an Asian assault, my units are Fortified in key strategic locations. You complain about Indian Ear causalities? All of my units are promoted with/ordered to First Strike in addition they are Protective of their land. If I had a Robot like the one I keep hearing about I think he'd say your chancess of success is suicide!

I suggest you barter for peace.
TGL Out

Norm: "Actually, his chance of success is about 5.06%. The term suicide is not a logical answer to the question at hand. However, suicide is a correct term for any enemy, an-anemone, attempting to invade The Lady's Southern Empire. Our Fighter Jets have once again fired on T-G-L's mech-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach-ach *kick* ach-anical infantry, these men will be destroyed before they even threaten one of The Lady's cities. I hope to earn a much deserved promotion for my good work in this area."

The American Company has realized that it is the underdog in terms of spying... several expensive consultants have been hired to study the situation... soon they will disclose their advice, which is something that everybody knows and the CEO of the company will be embarrassed to hear what he should have known in the first place.

Jeeves: "Man, I should have gotten hired by the American CEO, I'm sure he pays well. The Lady only pays us in cereal, made direct from Cereal Mills, Inc. Cereal Mills, where health meets sugar!" *commercial lingo plays, then finishes, video feed cuts out*

(gps)

 

[Eclipse4449]

Sent to Imp. Knoedel

 

[Imperator Knoedel]

His Excellency, I address you personally! YOU have Declared WAR on me, and you have earned that damage, if that unit remains the rest of that pathetic Mech. Inf group will be destroyed.
And as for an Asian assault, my units are Fortified in key strategic locations. You complain about Indian Ear causalities? All of my units are promoted with/ordered to First Strike in addition they are Protective of their land. If I had a Robot like the one I keep hearing about I think he'd say your chancess of success is suicide!

I suggest you barter for peace.
TGL Out

Your threats are pathetic. You will see that Our army has won the recent battle in Siberia with negligible casualties and your north is wide open.

 

[Luthor_Saxburg]

The US Corporation has now joined the Nuclear Club... the CEO feels that there are advantages to being a member even though he hopes he will never have to use the full extent of the perks associated with being a member...

Spoiler :

Eclipe declares war and then states that he is a Pacifist???

.

 

[Nighthawk419]

Norm has personally removed the Asian Maniacal Infantry which threatened Lahore. There were no losses nor any damage to Norm himself.

gps!

 

[Eclipse4449]

Sent to Imp. Knoedel

@Imp. Knoedel you should find a "Launch Game" button on this game's tracker

No action this turn (ntr)

 

[Imperator Knoedel]

I launched the game and tried uploading my turn twice, but it seems bugged.

 

[Eclipse4449]

Resent turn just in case

 

[Eclipse4449]

Hi this is Buzter Cherry of The Glorious Leader Network​

Recently The Glorious Leader led an assault on The Lady and was fired on by a Southern Empire Jet.
Sources tell us The Glorious Leader was pulled back and replaced by two more Mechanical Infantry,
His location a secret

Mechanical Infantry arriving in West Calcutta stop when they spot a His Excellency’s Mechanical Infantry

Peace Pipe also a M.I., calls in the location and a Sortie fires on the Enemy M.I. causing moderate damage, His Excellency arrives with reinforcements and again Sortie 2 is launched striking as well.

The Glorious Leader is recovering

Sparks from temples fly, Anarchy Strikes, Nuclear weapon armed, Red button found

An Empire wide shortage of food angers our People, so The Glorious Leader adjusts his Civics to increase happiness and leaves for the war, anarchy struck every Asian city that turn and His Excellency Declares war on The Glorious Leader’s Empire.

Anarchy still in full swing the next turn but The Glorious Leader fully recovered and locates The Red Button, and sources say His Excellency invades the Northern Territory, reports confirm losses.


Breaking News,
This just in and Buzter Cherry the first to report it.

All Non-Network media channels were hacked, if you here us clear our Firewall withstood the attack, we urge you to turn these non-networks off immediately! Subliminal messages traced to His Excellency’s “Oxford University”. Song tells us he’s decoded the message.

If you’re still tuned in this is Buzter Cherry of The Glorious Leader Network. We have Song here reporting from the “Great Wall”. Yes I’ve decoded the message. What’s it say? Reinstall Hated Ones World Government but he also is sending it via The Lady Nighthawk’s Network and from her “Oxford University”.

So he’s trying to blame it on her? I’m afraid so. Well that’s a Barbarian attack. This might be what we need to lessen the Cultural push of The Lady. No I don’t think The Glorious Leader will use this in any form of diplomacy stop the war he started.
Well you heard it first here on The Glorious Leader Network, remember, and shut those other Networks off.

This was Buzter Cherry
Good Night

 

[Luthor_Saxburg]

The American CEO is very concerned about the fact that his company is not the best employer anymore as it rates second... measures are being taken to ensure that the employees will rate it the best one once again!