Off Topic Finishing School

[Kaitzilla]

We need more silly threads!

This one is for aspiring off-topic netizens to share tips (real or imagined) on how to fit into high class society.

Wine Selection
Choosing the best Supercar
How to use Valet parking
Caviar, yay or nay
Dressage, and other equestrian activities
How to fit in at The Met Gala
Modern Art, training yourself to appreciate the ugliness
How to do cocaine and yet never, ever get arrested for it
Best app to order servants, etc. etc.


I'll start off with wine.
Apparently there are many varieties of grape juice.
They have years and regions and colors and names, and all of them will get you drunk slowly.

To really enjoy wine, brush and floss to remove all foreign flavors.
Then eat a piece of extremely white bread to further remove anything from the mouth.
Next, assemble some accessories to pair with the wine.
These are incomprehensibly placed in the grocery section called Charcuterie.
After getting the cheeses and meats, put the wine into a chemistry thingy called a decanter to let it breathe, like a person.

Then drink it and spit it out again to enjoy the flavor without getting drunk.
The Romans did this all the time with food or something.
Wasting it is really high class behavior

 

[Gori the Grey]

Modern Art. Stand in front of it and say "Disappointing. Not as exploratory as his early work."

 

[Broken_Erika]

Speaking of wine.
An Educational Video

 

[danjuno]

 

[Kaitzilla]

Not many people know this, but James Bond playing Baccarat is mostly about looking cool.

Does Baccarat require any skill whatsoever?

Everyone bets.
Everyone gets 2 cards.
The end.

 

[Hygro]

Modern Art. Stand in front of it and say "Disappointing. Not as exploratory as his early work."

Requires drugs 60% of the time.

 

[Hygro]

I prefer Italian wines, Sardinian preferably. But some Spanish and, recently, Argentinian and even Chilean wines are starting to get there as well.

 

[Ordnael]

I prefer Italian wines, Sardinian preferably. But some Spanish and, recently, Argentinian and even Chilean wines are starting to get there as well.

You should try Portuguese as well, if you have the opportunity.

 

[Kaitzilla]

Wine comes in 3 varieties of sugar content I think.

1) Dry (church wine)
2) Semi-sweet (spicy food?)
3) Sweet (for dessert)

The best is of course blackberry meade, the honey wine that skips grapes altogether.

 

[Angst]

for modern art, the method is basically just to be curious about the world instead of asking it to change to be something that pleases you.

compare with food. sugar lights up your brain. it's nice. but there's other flavors than sweet.

be curious about the world. many works are intentionally unpleasant or even intentionally dull. the point of art is not to become smarter or even to be pleased. it's to be art to be looked at. art is not even the object in question, it's a mode of interaction with it.

if looking at modern art causes you to be bored or put off, that is a reaction to the art as well, and that reaction is equally as legitimate as being inspired or excited. because that reaction is yours.

 

[Kaitzilla]

for modern art, the method is basically just to be curious about the world instead of asking it to change to be something that pleases you.

compare with food. sugar lights up your brain. it's nice. but there's other flavors than sweet.

be curious about the world. many works are intentionally unpleasant or even intentionally dull. the point of art is not to become smarter or even to be pleased. it's to be art to be looked at. art is not even the object in question, it's a mode of interaction with it.

if looking at modern art causes you to be bored or put off, that is a reaction to the art as well, and that reaction is equally as legitimate as being inspired or excited. because that reaction is yours.

I must disagree.

I feel like art should be timeless.
To speak across the ages, from human-to-human, without them ever meeting.
Any 8-year old should be able to point at it and go "woo"

Check out this classic portraiture.

Sofonisba Anguissola

The artist's sisters Lucia, Minerva and Europa Anguissola Playing Chess , 1555, Sofonisba Anguissola Over the years I've written abou...

art-now-and-then.blogspot.com

Still good stuff 500 years later.

A banana duct-taped to the wall cannot compare.

I suppose if modern art is intended to inspire the full range of human emotions such as disgust, dismay, puzzlement, boredom, irritation, etc., it has certainly succeeded.

 

[Kaitzilla]

After watching Crazy Rich Asians, I learned the world has a skyscraper casino with a boat on top of it.
Only $8 billion!

There are some more crazy things out there (that are environmentally questionable)

Spoiler :

 

[Angst]

I must disagree.

sure (just snipping here for a few inserts)

I feel like art should be timeless.

art never is. your sentence does demonstrate an intention, in that you feel, and it should. but artistic objects are just as such, they don't care about what you feel, nor what you think they should be. they're just objects. the art itself is a mode of engagement or framing of sensation you just turn on/off at will.

To speak across the ages, from human-to-human, without them ever meeting.

no art does this. it is met with vast differences between cultures and individuals, not just how it's appreciated, how it's thought about, what even counts as art, and whether art is even a separate sphere of craftmanship. i'm not saying this to be more sensitive to other cultures than the specific platonic/enlightenment principles you're (probably unwittingly) appealing to here. i'm saying it as someone who was properly schooled in aesthetics. the problems with universalism and practical applications of art; basically, you have to take people's subjectivity into consideration when making literally any artistic judgment, even an objective one (aesthetics aren't subjective, they're objective judgments about peoples' subjective experiences).

Any 8-year old should be able to point at it and go "woo"

8-year olds are bored by your universals. they want sugary treats. naivitee as entrance to eternal wisdom is also a bad measurement as what counts as art, although the childlike approach to sensation is sometimes quite useful (where you will then respect that sugary treats overtake the artistic value of mozart)

Check out this classic portraiture.

Sofonisba Anguissola

The artist's sisters Lucia, Minerva and Europa Anguissola Playing Chess , 1555, Sofonisba Anguissola Over the years I've written abou...

art-now-and-then.blogspot.com

Still good stuff 500 years later.

there are a lot of people who don't give a crap about renaissance art, and as a study of aesthetics, you take that into consideration when forming why

A banana duct-taped to the wall cannot compare.

there's no hierarchy, so there's no actual comparison. and interestingly, the renaissance tradition you're appealing to has a much closer connection to craftmanship, ie use value. while you have grown into a culture where stuff like this is held in high esteem, it's basically all grandfathering; art back then was done as a craft first and foremost. a more apt comparison to contemporary cultural objects are like designer couches.

I suppose if modern art is intended to inspire the full range of human emotions such as disgust, dismay, puzzlement, boredom, irritation, etc., it has certainly succeeded.

modern art is not intended to inspire that range. all of art is. art is a frame of sensation, your artistic sensation of something is not actually measurable within the nature of the object. time and time again people have tried to make art measurable (which is a standard of universality), and it simply cannot be done.

 

[Gori the Grey]

Caviar. Take it if it is offered by a server. Bite into the cracker and say, dreamily, "Yes!"

If it is set out, just stare at it and, ask, "Is anyone serving, I wonder."