Only Child Syndrome?

[PrinceOfLeigh]

As some of you may or may not be aware I have one child, my Son. Almost since the moment of his birth people have asked when we plan to have another child. Any slight suggestion I have given that we didn't plan to have another child has been met with fierce resistance. Not just from family, but also friends and, to be frank, complete bloody strangers.

The universal statement seems to be "you can't have an only child".

Why is this? I presume it's some kind of cultural influence which I haven't been made aware of previously.

In addition to this I remember from past experience people refering to 'Only Child Syndrome'. The implication being that 'Only Children' are often selfish and rather obnoxious. I very much doubt this is the case and if it is, I don't think it can be attributed to the person having no siblings.

Is this a British thing or have other people heard of similar sentiments?

 

[Mongoloid Cow]

Only children are generally more stuck up and selfish than children with siblings. It's because if you have siblings, you have to share and cooperate with each other, and sometimes do without something you want. Only children get what they want when they want, basically, hence they never developed non-selfishness.

 

[Bartleby]

The "only child" is viewed similarly in Ireland. But then this is a catholic country.

 

[Sephiroth]

I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters ...... midde child ....... whould have killed to be an only child ..............

 

[Grisu]

well, it's kinda similar. basically, I agree, as I don't want to have a single child myself, but I'd never dream of telling others how many kids they should have :crazy:

I greatly enjoyed having a sister while growing up, and I wouldn't want my kid to miss this experience. IMHO, having a sibiling teaches kids how to share at an early age, but that doesn't mean that single kids automatically will become egomaniacs, and that it prevents non-single kids form becoming one either

 

[plarq]

I don't think there is a "only child syndrome", I've met enough only childs, and I fail to see any statistic or clinical proof of "only child syndrome". Maybe it's like what Stalin said "One death a tragedy, a million, a statistic data." Since there're way too many only childs here, there's no weirdness among them, and they perform completely normally.

 

[Narz]

Do what you want. Screw other people's opinions.

I was an basically an only child (I had an adopted brother, a decade and change older than me who was never around) and I turned out ok.

In fact I'm pretty friggin' great.

For the record though I was pretty lonesome as a youth. However, that's because my parents were neglectful and the type of people who probably shouldn't have had any kids at all. If you are an attentive and loving parent I see no reason why you should feel compelled to have more than one kid.

I plan to have four kids but I'm glad everyone else doesn't feel the same!

 

[salty mud]

Only children are generally more stuck up and selfish than children with siblings. It's because if you have siblings, you have to share and cooperate with each other, and sometimes do without something you want. Only children get what they want when they want, basically, hence they never developed non-selfishness.

I resent that statement. I am not selfish as an only child! And I am not stuck up either. Co-operation is for wimps!

 

[PrinceOfLeigh]

Do what you want. Screw other people's opinions.

I intend to. I was just a little shocked at the number of people who felt that having just one child is somehow wrong and I wondered if similar sentiments are felt in other parts of the world.

I'm not sure if we will or won't have another child as yet. In any event it will be, barring unexpected events, some time in the future before we do.

 

[salty mud]

I intend to. I was just a little shocked at the number of people who felt that having just one child is somehow wrong and I wondered if similar sentiments are felt in other parts of the world.

I'm not sure if we will or won't have another child as yet. In any event it will be, barring unexpected events, some time in the future before we do.

We are fellow northerners of this green and pleasent land, therefore we think alike! There is nothing wrong with an only child! Well, look at me, a loved and exalted member of CFC...

 

[bathsheba666]

Apart from the vehemence you reference, we met pretty much the same reaction.

And it's correct, or at minimum there is obviously some scope for those generalisations to contain truth. I've certainly observed all those aspects in my own son.

It's a question of degree though. If you're aware of it you can try to counter it.

Main problem is children acquire their sense of themselves from their peers, not their parents, and you are sticking him/her with a couple of boring adults as prime companions instead of someone their own age.

Shame on you/me.

No, we're definitely not having another.

 

[PrinceOfLeigh]

Main problem is children acquire their sense of themselves from their peers, not their parents, and you are sticking him/her with a couple of boring adults as prime companions instead of someone their own age.

Shame on you/me.

I agree on this. Interaction with other children is important to his development. He's quite young at the minute but already he spends time with other family members of the same age and children as his childminders house.

As he gets older I was hoping that he'd join some group with children of his own age, so that the time he spends with other children isn't just schooling.

This isn't based on a fear of the 'Only Child Syndrome', as you say it is a part of a childs development to form a bond with his peers and not just his parents.

 

[Brighteye]

Only children are prone to being spoilt. However, as the parent you can easily avoid that. Only children are also prone to being lonely. You can avoid some of this, but not all of it.
The problem is that as an only child the child never develops a group attitude. When punished, the child has a 'me and them' attitude, which can lead to resentment and brattishness even when the punishment was legitimate. Having a sibling who is also punished, or who suffers punishment at different times forces the child to realise that punishment is not a harsh unfairness inflicted by brutal parents, but justice.

An only child doesn't spend every evening dealing with a fellow sibling; debating who gets the computer, who watches their programme on television and so on. The parenst are not regarded as fellow humans; they're overlords, not people with whom one shares.
Thus only children very often do develop a selfish attitude simply because they never have reason to share; the television/computer is always free for them when the parents have not ruled otherwise. All the toys are his toys; there's never the worry that someone else will be playing with them.
It may not manifest itself as pure selfishness, but the attitude of the world revolving around them is quite common. This is because their childhood world has been centred on them; there is no other child who shared it. Some only children might ditch this expectation when growing up, but children who have siblings very rarely have the expectation in the first place.

 

[Turner]

...Almost since the moment of his birth people have asked when we plan to have another child...

That's funny...I usually get, "When are you going to stop?"

It's your life, and your family. If you and your SO are content with one child, more power to ya.

 

[Kan' Sharuminar]

While only children could be seen as being prone to being spoilt, in someways it's still up to the parents to counter this. I'm an only child, and they quite effectively installed a sense that I couldn't have everything I wanted, and to make do with what I have.

Social interaction I could see going either way. But being an only child forces you to seek out more friends and how to deal with situations with them, not siblings.

 

[Willowmound]

Only children are generally more stuck up and selfish than children with siblings. It's because if you have siblings, you have to share and cooperate with each other, and sometimes do without something you want. Only children get what they want when they want, basically, hence they never developed non-selfishness.

That is such a rubbish statement, I can only assume you are actually stupid. How sad for you. I'm sure you're ugly too.

What, too harsh you say? Why, you are telling me I used to get what I wanted when I wanted it, "basically, hence [ I ] never developed non-selfishness."

When I was 12, I finally got a sister. My mum felt bad for years that my sister got so much more than I ever did. Because when I was I kid she didn't have as much money. That's right, monkey-brain. It's the parents' means and personality that decides what and how much their kids get.

I didn't have to cooperate? What, you think only-children sit in their rooms by themselves till they hit 18?

So clearly, if you are able to make such astute observations from afar about me, I should be able to do the same about you. And gawd, from what I see, you are ugly, leaking spinal-fluid and all, lolling your head, going "ghaaa, ghaaa" while soiling your pants. Poor boy. Maybe someone'll do the decent thing and put you down soon.

(Oh, and "non-selfishness" isn't a word. Here are some to choose from in the future: unselfish, selfless, generous, caring, kind, altruistic. Empathetic.)

Regards.

EDIT: I just noticed your nick. Hm. Fitting. Mongolid Cow indeed.

 

[Turner]

Moderator Action: Willowmound, warned, trolling.
Please read the forum rules: http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=422889

 

[azzaman333]

The implication being that 'Only Children' are often selfish and rather obnoxious.

I have a brother and a sister, and I'm selfish and rather obnoxious anyway.

 

[PrinceOfLeigh]

I have a brother and a sister, and I'm selfish and rather obnoxious anyway.

Completely debunks that theory then

 

[~Corsair#01~]

I have two brothers and a sister and all it's done is made me spiteful and fiercely obsessive over privacy.