Post you humourous spam e-mails here

[Mirc]

From Miss Joy Johnson:

From Miss Joy Johnson
Abidjan. Cote D'Ivoire,
Email: (joy_jj6@yahoo.com)
Hello dear,

With profound respect and humble submission, I beg to state the following few lines for your kind consideration, I hope you will spare some of your valuable minutes to read the following appeal with sympathetic mind. I must confess that it is with great hopes, joy and enthusiasm that I write you this mail which I know and believe by faith that it must surely find you in good condition of health. My name is Miss Joy Johnson, I am the only Daughter of my late parents Mr.and Mrs D.Johnson. My father was a highly reputable business magnet who operated in the capital of Ivory coast during his days.
It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his business trips abroad on the 12th September 2004. Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been masterminded by an uncle of mine who travelled with him at that time. But God knows the truth! My mother died when I was just 6yrs old, and since then my father took me so special.

Before the death of my father on September 2004, he called me and informed me that he has the sum of Five Million, Seven Hundred thousand United State Dollars.(USD$5,700,000.00) he deposited in a private Bank here in Abidjan Cote D'Ivoire.. He told me that he deposited the money in my name, and also gave me all the necessary but legal documents regarding to this deposit with the Bank

I am just 23 years old and a university undergraduate and really don't know what to do. Now I want an honest and GOD fearing partner overseas who I can transfer this money with his assistance and after the transaction I will come and reside permanently in your country till such a time that it will be convinient for me to return back home if I so desire. This is because I have suffered a lot of set backs as a result of incessant political crisis here in Ivory coast. The death of my father actually brought sorrow to my life. I also want to invest the fund under your care because I am ignorant of business world.
I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance in this regards. Your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded. Now permit me to ask these few questions:
1. Can you honestly help me from your heart?
2. Can I completely trust you?
3. What percentage of the total amount in question will be good for you after the fund has being transfeered to your account and i come over to meet you ?

Please, consider this and get back to me as soon as possible. Immedaitely I confirm your willingness, I will send to you my Picture and also inform you more details involved in this matter.Kind Regards,please reply through my private email above for security reasons,

Miss Joy Johnson.

 

[Enkidu Warrior]

Subject : 未命名

What does that mean?

If only you could imagine the vile depraved meaning of 未命名, your brain should surely melt and drip out of your nostrils.

Spoiler :

Unnamed

 

[ggganz]

Actually, in Japanese it means "not yet designation", in Chinese it means "has not named", and in Korean it means "$$In".

 

[Mirc]

Office of The General Co-coordinator
World Bank September 11 Attack Fund Scheme
Milbank Tower, 12th Floor
21-24; Milbank
London SW1P 4QP
ENGLAND
Tel:+44 70 45 744 401
CONTACT CENTER : payment.worldbank@gmail.com

This is to bring to your notice that the World Bank and International
Peace Committee have finally resolved to assist the general public on
the September 21 2001 ( 9/11 ) attack on the World Trade Fair, United
States of America.

On that very morning, terrorists affiliated with al-Qaeda four
commercial passenger jet airliners. The hijackers intentionally
crashed two of the airliners into the World Trade Center in New York
City, resulting in the collapse of both buildings soon afterward and
extensive damage to nearby buildings.The hijackers crashed a third
airliner into the Pentagon. The fourth plane crashed into a field near
Shanksville in rural Somerset County, Pennsylvania after passengers
and members of the flight crew on the fourth aircraft attempted to
retake control of their plane.

Excluding the hijackers, 2,974 people died as an immediate result of
the attacks with another 24 missing and presumed dead; the number of
immediate victims totaled 2,998, the overwhelming majority of whom
were civilians. The dead included nationals from over 80 different
countries. In addition, the death of at least one person from lung
disease was ruled by a medical examiner to be a result of exposure to
dust from the World Trade Center's collapse, as rescue and recovery
workers were exposed to airborne contaminants following the World
Trader Center's collapse.

The attacks had major ramifications around the world, with the United
States declaring a War on Terrorism in response and launching an
invasion of Afghanistan to depose the Taliban; who had been accused of
willfully harboring terrorists. The United States passed the USA
PATRIOT Act, as many nations around the world strengthened their
anti-terrorism legislation and expanded law enforcement powers. Stock
exchanges were closed for almost a week, and posted enormous losses
immediately upon reopening, with airline and insurance industries
suffering the greatest financial losses. The economy of Lower
Manhattan ground to a halt, as billions of dollars in office space was
damaged or destroyed.

Due to all that, the World Bank has decided to run a Free Fund Scheme
in-order to assist the general public who where either directly or
indirectly affected by the attack because it affected the whole World.

Your email address was selected through a computer balloting system
drawn from Nine hundred thousand E-mail addresses from
Canada,Australia,United States,Asia, Europe,Middle East and Oceania as
part of our international promotions for this programme.

The selection process was carried out through random selection in our
computerized email selection machine (TOPAZ) from a database of over
900,000 email addresses drawn from all the continents of the world.

This programme is approved by the British Gaming Board and also
Licensed by the The International Association of Gaming Regulators
(IAGR). It is the 3rd of its kind and we intend to sensitize the
public.

Payment centers are located in various banks approved by World Bank
all over the world and not only in America and London as speculated.

By this notice, you have been made a fund beneficiary of the sum of
Eight Hundred Thousand United States Dollars only ( $800,000.00 usd )
and all payments have been mapped out to be made by posting a
certified International Cashier Cheque to all beneficiaries.


Due to your current location, your payment center has been chosen to
be Afri Bank of Nigeria and you are expected to contact them with the
following information

Contact Person: Prof Nicholas Izu

Contact Email Address: payment.worldbank@gmail.com

Contact Phone : +234-803-77-44-195


You have to contact them immediately providing them your details as
follows

1.Your Full Names ( Surname First )

2.Country

3.Occupation

4.Contact Address ( This must be your current address as it is the
address where your Cheque will be posted to )

5. Age

6.Your Phone Number


You have to send them your detailed information as requested to enable
them locate your File easily on their system and draft your Cheque for
posting.

And you can call them on the phone for quick response.


NB: DUE TO THE PROBLEMS POST ON THESE SCHEME, ALL FUND BENEFICIARIES
ARE WARNED TO KEEP THERE FUND PAYMENT AWAY FROM THE GENERAL PUBLIC AND
ANY OTHER PERSON TO AVOID DOUBLE CLAIMING OF FUNDS AND IMPOSTER'S AS
OFFENDERS WILL HIGHLY BE PENALIZED.


You can also call me on the phone for further directives


Regards

John Meyers
Co-ordinator
Tel:+44 70 45 744 401

Just got this.

 

[raketooy]

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1234567890

 

[Mirc]

1234567890

I get that every day, at least 10 times. I thought it's too common to be funny.

 

[holy king]

Wish I didn't delete one that was in my Inbox 3 days ago...

I'll try to reconstruct it from my memory:

this is awesome.

 

[Narz]

Good one Mirc.

Rule #1 scammers : don't actually call your scheme a scheme! That reduces your success rate from .0001% to absolute zero!

 

[Mirc]

Heh, just got another crazy one!

I'm like a magnet for these things or something...

(resembles the one I posted a long time ago though, on the same idea)

DEAR,

I KNOW THAT MY MESSAGE WILL COME TO YOU AS A SUPRISE SINCE I
DONT KNOW YOU IN PERSON OR MET WITH YOU BEFORE,BUT IAM OF THE BELIEVE
THAT YOU WOULD BE OBLIGED TO COME TO MY ASSISTANCE AFTER HEARING ABOUT
MY SITUATION.IT IS HIGHLY REGREATABLE WRITING TO YOU NOW NOT
MINDING
THE CIRCUMSTANCES THAT PAVADED AROUND ME HERE IN ABIDJAN.

I AM
JOHNSON DUKE, THE ONLY CHILD OF LATE MR AND MRS.DUKE.MY FATHER WAS A
VERY WEALTHY COCOA MERCHANT BASED IN ABIDJAN, THE ECONOMIC CAPITAL OF
IVORY COAST BEFORE HE WAS POISONED TO DEATH BY HIS BUSINESS ASSOCIATES
ON ONE OF THEIR OUTING TO DISCUSS ON A BUSINESS.WHEN MY MOTHER DIED ON
THE 21ST OCTOBER 1992, MY FATHER TOOK ME SO SPECIAL BECAUSE I AM
MOTHERLESS.

BEFORE THE DEATH OF MY FATHER ON 29TH JUNE
2007 IN A
PRIVATE HOSPITAL HERE IN ABIDJAN. HE
SECRETLY CALLED ME ON HIS BEDSIDE
AND TOLD ME THAT HE HAS A SUM OF US$ 16,500,00(SIXTEEN MILLION FIVE
HUNDRED THOUSAND, UNITED STATES DOLLARS) LEFT IN A SUSPENCE ACCOUNT IN A
LOCAL BANK HERE IN ABIDJAN,THAT HE USED MY NAME AS HIS ONLY SON FOR THE
NEXT OF KIN IN DEPOSIT OF THE FUND.

HE ALSO EXPLAINED TO ME THAT IT
WAS BECAUSE OF THIS WEALTH THAT HE WAS POISONED BY HIS BUSINESS
ASSOCIATES. THAT I SHOULD SEEK FOR A FOREIGN PARTNER IN A COUNTRY OF MY
CHOICE
WHERE I WILL TRANSFER THIS MONEY AND USE IT FOR
INVESTMENT
PURPOSE, (SUCH AS REAL ESTATE MANAGEMENT)

SIR, I AM HONOURABLY
SEEKING YOUR ASSISTANCE IN THE FOLLOWING WAYS.
1)TO PROVIDE A BANK
ACCOUNT WHERE THIS MONEY WOULDBE
TRANSFERRED TO
2)TO SERVE AS THE
GUARDIAN OF THIS FUND SINCE I AM A BOY OF 19 YEARS
3)TO MAKE
ARRANGEMENT FOR ME TO COME OVER TO YOUR
COUNTRY AFTER THE MONEY HAS
BEEN TRANSFERRED.

MOREOVER, SIR, IAM WILLING TO OFFER YOU 20% OF THE
TOTAL SUM AS COMPENSATION FOR YOUREFFORT/INPUT AFTER THE SUCCESSFUL
TRANSFER OF THIS FUND TO YOUR NORMINATED ACCOUNT OVERSEAS.FURTHER MORE,
YOU CAN INDICATE YOUR OPTION TOWARDS ASSISTING ME AS I BELIEVE
THAT
THIS TRANSACTION WOULD BE CONCLUDED WITHIN SEVEN(7) DAYS, YOU SIGNIFY
INTEREST TO ASSISTME.
ANTICAIPTING TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON, PLEASE MAKE
SURE YOU REPLY ME THROUGH THIS BOX : johnson_dk05@yahoo.fr, phone :
+225 07 53 3842


THANKS AND GOD BLESS YOUR FAMILY
JOHNSON DUKE

Right now I'm wondering.... do I signify interest to assistme?

 

[Eran of Arcadia]

When I think "signify interest to assistme", I think Mirc.

 

[aztecwarrior136]

Don't know if this is funny, but when I registered for a site(not giving the name out) the second part of registration was emailed to me and was considered spam.

 

[Ace of Gold]

You guys actually read your spam

 

[aimeeandbeatles]

Don't know if this is funny, but when I registered for a site(not giving the name out) the second part of registration was emailed to me and was considered spam.

happens all the time.

 

[Yeekim]

I just received another one like the last one I posted here:

I've received my share of such, but I could not help but to literally LOL about how 15% of 15 million USD was left "to cover phone bills related with the transaction".

 

[Mirc]

I've received my share of such, but I could not help but to literally LOL about how 15% of 15 million USD was left "to cover phone bills related with the transaction".

The poor people just want to be sure they won't run out of money when they call their families, you insensitive bastard.