Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[Omega124]

I reveal that am rule 63 Jesus

 

[CivCube]

"Charmed, I'm sure."
I rip off Christos' lucky charm and horse talisman.​

 

[JohannaK]

I change course for South Africa. Mr. Christos Xinjiang is a top priority target.

 

[GenMarshall]

I plot a course to a nearest friendly repair yard.

 

[NinjaCow64]

Using my incredible escape artist techinques, I evade the 52nd and make my way to the South African Portal Room.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I reveal that am rule 63 Jesus

19 (16): You are, in fact, rule 63 Jesus. You gain a +3 bonus to proselytism, a +2 bonus to all other social rolls, and a +2 bonus to antagonizing societal elites. You also heal yourself up some because ~miracles~.

"Charmed, I'm sure."
I rip off Christos' lucky charm and horse talisman.​

10 (7): He thought you'd do that, which is why he let you get in close enough to shank you for 10 damage.
ROLL TO DODGE!
15 (17): You manage to fend off his counterstrike, inflicting 19 damage.

I change course for South Africa. Mr. Christos Xinjiang is a top priority target.

13: Abandoning NinjaCow to his fate, you reverse course for the southern hemisphere.

I plot a course to a nearest friendly repair yard.

12: Well, they haven't conquered Baikonur yet...

Using my incredible escape artist techinques, I evade the 52nd and make my way to the South African Portal Room.

8 (10): There's one of you and dozens of them. You're gonna need more smoke bombs to pull this off.
ROLL TO DODGE!
15 (13): You do, however, manage to avoid the next volley.

SOL 740 targets the 4th.
ROLL TO DODGE!
5 (4): Even with the upgrades the commandos manage to outsmart it yet again, carving a path into Afghanistan worth -2 Defence.

JohannaK right above them is an opportunity not to be missed; the Eternal Kingdom fires a nuke at the Space Oddity!
ROLL TO DODGE!
16 (11): A close-proximity detonation again depletes the shields and inflicts 16% damage to hull armour. Fortunately, EMP effects are minimal.
Loss of shielding penalizes the USS Space Oddity's basic defence bonus -1.
Elsewhere, the conquest of America continues.
ROLL TO DODGE!
4 (8): "Rem3mber teh Al@mu!!1" cry the dispirited youth as for once in their middle-class lives they actually take a physical stand against The Man. The South African terrorists try to split the Mozambican line by invading Malawi.
ROLL TO DODGE!
9 (11): The hordes flood into the Southern Region.

The EKNC has readied a nuke!

​

 

[CivCube]

Good thing I knew he knew I was going to do that. I go after his trinkets again, my programming having adapted to his techniques.

 

[Omega124]

I now walk the seas to America

 

[NinjaCow64]

I steal one of the 52nd's smoke bombs.

 

[JohannaK]

I fly low towards South Africa in order to avoid RADAR detection.

 

[GenMarshall]

I dock at Baikonur to make extensive repairs to the ship.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Good thing I knew he knew I was going to do that. I go after his trinkets again, my programming having adapted to his techniques.

3 (3): Ah, but he knew that you knew, and had planned accordingly! Drawing you in once more, he jams in a USB bearing a Trojan virus. It doesn't sap your health, but each turn it will corrupt you toward the Dork Side! ...And just in case it doesn't, he tries to shiv you.
ROLL TO DODGE!
3 (7): He nicks you for 12 damage and worsens the bleeding -1 hitpoint/turn.

I now walk the seas to America

11: lololol if only ailed were here to see it

I steal one of the 52nd's smoke bombs.

6: It's a quaint thought, the Eternal Kingdom actually giving its cannon fodder proper equipment.
ROLL TO DODGE!
16: However, after literally smashing into the lines, you manage to liberate a QBZ-95 and two extra magazines, boosting your attack +2.

I fly low towards South Africa in order to avoid RADAR detection.

3 (4): A ship as big as yours don't need radar to spot it.
ROLL TO DODGE!
4 (8): Surface fire rakes the armour for -8% effectiveness.
Loss of armour penalizes the USS Space Oddity's basic defence bonus -1.

I dock at Baikonur to make extensive repairs to the ship.

19 (20): Forcing everyone else out of the way, you requisition all available manpower to service the ship. Each turn you remain docked will replenish each component between 5–15%, though during this time most combat modifiers will be suspended.

SOL 740 targets Mr. Christos!
ROLL TO DODGE!
5 (5): Instead of hitting him, it hits CivCube instead!
ROLL TO DODGE!
7 (11): He narrowly avoids the eye of the beam.

The Eternal Kingdom doubles down on Kazakhstan, hungry for a spaceship!
ROLL TO DODGE!
13 (17): The frontline cracks, and Monarchist hordes swarm in to Kyzylorda. The surrounded garrison won't be able to protect themselves and repair the Mike Pence simultaneously! American insurgents press into Saudi Oilberta.
ROLL TO DODGE!
16 (18): With the help of the treacherous Stephen Harper, Alberta folds without a fight, allowing the army to annex Saskatchewan, eroding Canadian Defence 2 points! Meanwhile in the South, the Monarchists move in on Comoros.
ROLL TO DODGE!
17 (20): The island republic is brought under the Mad King's heel, and with momentum to spare the invasion force snakes up the Tanzanian coast. Supply chain established, the Somali cell's disorganization is HALVED!

Comoros has been defeated by the EKNC!

​

 

[JohannaK]

Stopover in the Indian space center in Sriharikota to repair armour and boost defense back up!

 

[CivCube]

Joke's on you, I'm already a certified village idiot! I fire a Fat Man rocket at point-blank range.

 

[NinjaCow64]

With my new weapons, gun the 52nd down!

Scratch that, I lay suppression fire against the 52nd while I taticooly escape to the South African Portal Room.

 

[GenMarshall]

I whip up some cookies to sell for cash!

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Stopover in the Indian space center in Sriharikota to repair armour and boost defense back up!

13 (14): It's a tight fit but you manage to make a landing. You know the drill: +3–8%/turn.

Joke's on you, I'm already a certified village idiot! I fire a Fat Man rocket at point-blank range.

15 (14): The detonation deals an immediate 60 damage and irradiates the area for the next 8 turns. Too bad the Horse Talisman renders him immune. Of course, you may be immune to the fallout but not the initial blast.
ROLL TO DODGE!
1 (5): You take 20 damage yourself, and several weapons are disabled by the EMP aftershock.
ROLL TO DODGE!
14 (16): Disoriented from the blast, Christos is easily outmanoeuvred, and you retaliate against his retaliation for a further 10 damage.

With my new weapons, gun the 52nd down!

Scratch that, I lay suppression fire against the 52nd while I taticooly escape to the South African Portal Room.

7 (9): You are now literally surrounded.
ROLL TO DODGE!
12: By some miracle you're able to keep them at bay by spinning really fast.

I whip up some cookies to sell for cash!

1 (2): Mangling your great-aunt's family recipe, you accidentally poison the crew, and all you get for your troubles is a stack of IOUs.
Lack of available crew penalizes all actions by the USS Mike Pence -3.

SOL 740 recalibrates for the 4th Division.
ROLL TO DODGE!
17 (16): Finally outsmarting the snakes, the satellite hits the commandos for 24 damage.

The Eternal Kingdom makes haste to Andhra Pradesh.
ROLL TO DODGE!
18 (17): A bloody spearhead punches through from the northeast, smashing 2 Defence but stopping just short of the state. Also I scribble in an approximation of the Andhra Pradesh/Telangana border because it's 2017 and Wikipedia doesn't care about India.
Back in America, the invasion of Mexico continues.
ROLL TO DODGE!
19 (19): The invaders seize the capital, demoralizing the country -3 Defence. The South African force tries for Zimbabwe again.
ROLL TO DODGE!
15 (15): The surprise attack seizes half the country.

Omega124 is declared AWOL.

​

 

[CivCube]

I pickaxe him hard in the head! Immunity to ongoing physical injury this!

 

[JohannaK]

I rally to the defense of Andhra Pradesh.

 

[GenMarshall]

...

I recruit more crew members to the ship to replace the ones that are in ill health.