Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[NinjaCow64]

Spin around so fast that I make a hole in the floor, which I use to escape.

 

[Omega124]

Damn cfc unsubbed me.

After heartily chuckling at alied's expense, I give a speech announcing my return in Albany

 

[NinjaCow64]

Bookmark this, it is a lot more consistent than alerts.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I pickaxe him hard in the head! Immunity to ongoing physical injury this!

2 (2): He dodges out of the way and the axehead gets jammed in debris, nullifying your Mobility and rendering you vulnerable to the tune of -2 Defence!
ROLL TO DODGE!
8 (8): He peppers you with bullets for 8 damage.

I rally to the defense of Andhra Pradesh.

4 (5): You make haste to the front to hold the line as the ship is repaired. Unfortunately you have no weapons, no armour, and they've sent the 4th Royal Guards Division to claim the prize.
ROLL TO DODGE!
18 (13): You actually manage to hold your ground against the onslaught.

I recruit more crew members to the ship to replace the ones that are in ill health.

1 (2): You are literally swamped with volunteers. Unfortunately, by the time you realize these are monarchist soldiers that overran the last defensive line, they've boarded the ship and... yep... there it goes... and Frank was still on board...

Spin around so fast that I make a hole in the floor, which I use to escape.

4 (6): But how can you tunnel to China if you're already in China????
ROLL TO DODGE!
1 (1): You're shot up for 17 damage and -3 hitpoints/turn from gaping wounds.

After heartily chuckling at alied's expense, I give a speech announcing my return in Albany

19 (20): "We're gonna make America great again! I guarantee it, I really do! Donald Trump—he's more like Donald Slump, amirite? Low stamina! Listen, we've got some bad hombres coming in from the Eternal Kingdom—they're bringing drugs, they're bringing genocide—we're gonna build a wall, and we're gonna make King George pay for it! . ." The Bluecapes gain +2 Morale while Namibian territories fortify 2 points.

SOL 740 locks on to the 52nd Division.
ROLL TO DODGE!
11 (13): It strafes the formation for 19 damage.

The Eternal Kingdom tries to consolidate the front by annexing Nepal.
ROLL TO DODGE!
9 (12): The eastern front crumbles. The Cuban invasion resumes.
ROLL TO DODGE!
14 (10): Hardened by decades of embargo, the Cubans continue to hold the line. The South African intruders resume the absorption of Mozambique.
ROLL TO DODGE!
2 (4): Overextended, the offensive is beaten back and the country fortifies 2 points.

​

 

[Omega124]

I lead the blue capes into charging into the rust belt again

 

[CivCube]

I fart out another Fat Man rocket at close range.

 

[poketwo]

I COME
TELEPORT TO OMEGA124'S LOCATION. MY PLAN WILL START THERE!

 

[GenMarshall]

...Frank wrestles control of the ship back to my control!

 

[NinjaCow64]

I escape into the nearest infirmary and patch myself up.

Scratch that, I instead pray to Saber to save me from near-certain death.

 

[JohannaK]

I do have guns and armour.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I lead the blue capes into charging into the rust belt again

10 (14): You trickle-down the trickle-downers, creating a vicious cycle of prosperity that liberates $138.55 and brings Pennsylvania into the revolutionary fold.

I fart out another Fat Man rocket at close range.

12 (11): It detonates at zero altitude for only moderate effect, dealing 18 damage and intensifying ground radiation by 4 points. But what about you???
ROLL TO DODGE!
3 (5): You suffer 16 damage and remaining integrated weapons short out.
ROLL TO DODGE!
17 (14): Through sheer force of will, you manage to deflect Christos' attack, sending his own bullets flying back at him for 7 damage.

...Frank wrestles control of the ship back to my control!

6 (10): He's too far away to effectively coordinate with your orders. Looks like you're on your—oh no wait, the 33rd Division has arrived to keep you company!
ROLL TO DODGE!
2 (1): You're greeted with a salvo worth 15 damage that incurs massive bleeding worth -5 hitpoints/turn!

I escape into the nearest infirmary and patch myself up.
Scratch that, I instead pray to Saber to save me from near-certain death.

15: Your waifu object of daikamura lust devotion takes pity on your wretchedness, restoring 50 hitpoints and giving you a set of anointed armour worth +2 Defence so you stand at least a fighting chance.
ROLL TO DODGE!
16 (16): Just in time, too; you repel the attack, deflecting some shots back at the 52nd for 7 damage.

[QUOTE="JohannaK]I do have guns and armour.[/QUOTE]
5 (6): Not only do you not, you left your insulation suit on the ship.

SOL 740 goes for the 80th Division.
ROLL TO DODGE!
5 (6): It misses the mark and saps Chinese defences 1 point instead.

Now in possession of its own space battleship, the Eternal Kingdom has no need of the SOL satellite's bungling to enhance its combat effectiveness. the USS Mike Pence attacks SOL 740!
ROLL TO DODGE!
12 (16): The satellite is blown to bits. Debris rains down through the atmosphere, reducing the Defence of Indonesia, Papua New Guinea and Australia -1 each!

The Eternal Kingdom tries to absorb the remainder of China.
ROLL TO DODGE!
12 (17): The hordes advance on all fronts, securing another nuke! It will be deployable in 5 turns. The war for Middle America continues.
ROLL TO DODGE!
13 (17): It's a race to hollow out the middle class as the Monarchists push toward the Great Lakes, acquiring another nuke that will be prepped in 5 turns! With CivCube disabled, the South African cell makes its move.
ROLL TO DODGE!
19 (15): Breaking through the united African lines, Monarchist forces secure the cape, reducing South African Defence -1.

The Eternal Kingdom has readied THREE nukes!!!

​

 

[Omega124]

I hold a Bruce Springsteen cover concert in NJ to get them on my side.

I'm going down, down down down~

 

[poketwo]

I CURSE THOR FOR NOT ALLOWING ME TO RTD.

 

[GenMarshall]

I hide to heal myself and patch up the wounds to stop the bleeding.

 

[Omega124]

I SIT IN THE WAITING ROOM, WAITING PATIENTLY FOR ROUND 5 TO COMMENCE.

Just as a btw, there isn't going to be a round five. Thor's next R2d will be something completely different

 

[NinjaCow64]

I gun down the last of the 52nd Infantry Division, in the name of Saber!

 

[CivCube]

I convert all my Lust into...bloodlust

 

[JohannaK]

Where is my Magnum Research BFR?

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I hold a Bruce Springsteen cover concert in NJ to get them on my side.

I'm going down, down down down~

10 (14): The state defects without a fight, bringing you one step closer to seizing the White House.

I hide to heal myself and patch up the wounds to stop the bleeding.

13: As the unit reloads, you steal yourself away and manage to stabilize the wounds.

I gun down the last of the 52nd Infantry Division, in the name of Saber!

10 (7): "Don't forget to reload, Dr. Freeman!"
ROLL TO DODGE!
8 (10): You take 7 damage.

I convert all my Lust into...bloodlust

10 (11): You gain Berzerker Mode, allowing you to assign your new Bloodlust into bonus combat points whenever and by however much you want!
ROLL TO DODGE!
14 (14): Putting the best Twister master to shame, you avoid all damage.

Where is my Magnum Research BFR?

8 (9): Ohhhh right, when you threw literally everything you had into launching the Space Oddity, that included your revolver.

The 4th Division tries to break the Indian line.
ROLL TO DODGE!
20 (20): JohannaK is struck by a vicious salvo, suffering 18 damage and gaping wounds worth -5 hitpoints/turn!

The Mike Pence bombards the weak link in the great chain of Socialism: Uzbekistan.
ROLL TO DODGE!
18 (20): A devastating alpha strike vaporizes 3 Defence.

The Eternal Kingdom hastens to conquer the country.
ROLL TO DODGE!
9 (8): The only thing less effective than lazy, gambling, battery-fluid-drinking arsonists... is the Royal Army. The nth invasion of the Bahamas commences.
ROLL TO DODGE!
2 (1): The bigger they are, the harder they fall, and these islands are pretty tiny, gaining 3 Defence. With the continent a slog, the South African marauders retry for the Seychelles.
ROLL TO DODGE!
7 (7): Still out of range, the assault fails, buying the country time to fortify another point.

​

 

[JohannaK]

Wounds? What wounds? I am perfectly healthy.