Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[GenMarshall]

I find a secluded place to pray to the Nine Divines to eliminate the division that's harassing me,

 

[Omega124]

I use the time waiting for the king to arrive to heal up

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I sing the 4th into surrender.

20 (14): You erode the unit's morale -1.
ROLL TO DODGE!
5 (1): Good thing you're in emergency, since you just took 20 damage and a mild concussion.

I remove myself from the debris.

14 (15): You pry yourself loose.
ROLL TO DODGE!
1 (8): You parry Christos' clumsy attack. With your arm. For 7 damage.

I reflect more bullets to kill the 52nd, that seemed to work earlier.

14 (12): It makes even less sense than Star Wars, but it seems to do the trick, refunding 8 hitpoints' worth of damage.
ROLL TO DODGE!
13 (13): The last peasant draftee totally wusses out and shoots himself (his family was probably forfeit if he retreated).

I find a secluded place to pray to the Nine Divines to eliminate the division that's harassing me,

13 (10): In order to fast-track such a call, you'd need so many potatoes they could be stacked all the way to God! But this is Soviet Kazakhstan: God doesn't exist, and neither do the potatoes.
ROLL TO DODGE!
20 (19): It suddenly occurs to you that your pilfered equipment would work a whole lot better if, you know, you equipped it. Which you do, in time to deflect 17 damage back at the unit.

I use the time waiting for the king to arrive to heal up

14: You siphon some off to bring you back to full health. You're sure they won't miss it.

The Mike Pence softens up Oman for a future attack.
ROLL TO DODGE!
18 (20): 3 Defence is blasted away.

EKNC landers proceed to hit the coast.
ROLL TO DODGE!
7 (12): Marines force a beachhead on the eastern cape. The South African cell continues the push into Tanzania.
ROLL TO DODGE!
6 (9): Redirecting your whole offensive force probably isn't the best way to conduct a multi-front war. The Somali insurgents angle to finish of Kenya.
ROLL TO DODGE!
2 (8): They, too, cannot catch the proverbial break.

​

 

[Omega124]

I shout for all forces loyal to me to converge on my position to give the King a warm welcome

 

[CivCube]

I blind Christos with bullets!

 

[NinjaCow64]

Great success! I steal ammunition from the corpses of the 52nd in typical RPG fashion.

 

[JohannaK]

I sing harder.

 

[GenMarshall]

I hide in a barn to heal myself using a medkit that I have in my inventory.

 

[christos200]

I just want to say that I love this game and I've been reading it.

Gang of Four #1

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I shout for all forces loyal to me to converge on my position to give the King a warm welcome

17 (20): The main Namibian army arrives to back you up, handily conscripting every NPC in the country while they were at it.

I blind Christos with bullets!

10 (16): You unload Rambo style, delivering 20 damage and sapping his defences -1.
ROLL TO DODGE!
17 (20): "Looking for something?" you tease, waving the Horse Talisman tauntingly before donning it yourself.

Great success! I steal ammunition from the corpses of the 52nd in typical RPG fashion.

12: You reload your gun with a half-spent magazine and stick another one in cargo.

I sing harder.

10 (10): Your voice cracks from disorientation, throwing off the tune.
ROLL TO DODGE!
5 (1): You're torn open for 20 damage and ongoing -3 hitpoints.

I hide in a barn to heal myself using a medkit that I have in my inventory.

9: You can't see a barn in easy hiding distance.
ROLL TO DODGE!
10 (11): Your shield holds under fire.

The Mike Pence makes a run over Japan as part of the "Distant China" theory.
ROLL TO DODGE!
15 (20): The archipelago loses 3 Defence.

The Eternal Kingdom renews the Indian offensive.
ROLL TO DODGE!
16 (17): Breaking through the lines the hordes flood in from the west, seizing two nukes that will be ready in 5 turns! Reorganized, American command seeks to expand the front against the Namibians.
ROLL TO DODGE!
11 (15): Several eastern states are overrun in the rush to close the gap. The South African madmen redouble the offensive on Mozambique.
ROLL TO DODGE!
2 (1): The attack is an unmitigated disaster, impeding regional operations -3 for the next four turns. The Somali cell tries to finish off Ethiopia.
ROLL TO DODGE!
12 (19): The defenders are pushed back to Tigray Region. Defence in Eritrea and the Sudans fall -2 each.

The Eternal Kingdom has readied TWO nukes!!

​

I just want to say that I love this game and I've been reading it.

Gang of Four #1

But if you were still playing you'd have to fight them???

But yeah, dunno how you're gonna EKNC in R2R given most of the kingpins are already dead.

 

[JohannaK]

Clearly this isn't my thing. I smack the 4th silly for 309hp, fully restoring myself through the principle of conservation of lifepoints.

 

[CivCube]

"Doh ho ho ho, de-neighed!"

I attempt to redirect the Talisman's power toward eliminating the invader code. Meanwhile, I continue firing at Christos.

 

[NinjaCow64]

I discover that my annointed armour makes me immune to radiation also.

 

[GenMarshall]

Using the shield to deflect any incoming shots, I heal myself to full health using a medpack that's in my inventory.

 

[Omega124]

I yell out to King George, "you want to hurry up soon?"

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Clearly this isn't my thing. I smack the 4th silly for 309hp, fully restoring myself through the principle of conservation of lifepoints.

5 (4): The concussion is clearly taking its toll. -2 SAN.
ROLL TO DODGE!
11 (4): You should've withdrawn when you had the chance. The 4th Division has overrun the medical camp. Surrounded, you suffer a -2 penalty to escaping the area.

I attempt to redirect the Talisman's power toward eliminating the invader code. Meanwhile, I continue firing at Christos.

*roll* You try to reconfigure this ancient artifact of arcane power. *roll*
1 (2): Having been created before computers were a thing, the rewire comes to naught, and in the process you accidentally accelerate the infection to 3–6%/turn, plus an immediate jolt of 10%!
Why do you persist in this fruitless exercise? The King's triumph is inevitable. -2 v. the Gang of Four.
ROLL TO DODGE!
16 (18): Avoiding Christos' clumsy fire, you retaliate with a counter-salvo worth 19 damage.

I discover that my annointed armour makes me immune to radiation also.

13: Maybe not immune outright, but you do get +1 defence against radiation-based weaponry.

Using the shield to deflect any incoming shots, I heal myself to full health using a medpack that's in my inventory.

16: You patch yourself up 60 hitpoints.
ROLL TO DODGE!
17 (18): Cruz's magic shield bounces more shots back at your pursuers, dealing 18 damage.

I yell out to King George, "you want to hurry up soon?"

12 (16): Almost there; he just had to make sure he could provide the royal custom of gift-exchange. And being an omnicidal maniac, his 'gift' is a nuclear warhead.
ROLL TO DODGE!
10 (13): You have one turn to figure out what to do before the blast hits.

The Mike Pence makes another pass over South Africa.
ROLL TO DODGE!
1 (5): It flies too low, and ground-based defences manage to rake the craft for -12% shielding and -6% armour.

The Eternal Kingdom continues the push into Oman.
ROLL TO DODGE!
10 (15): Rushing southward, the army establishes an effective supply route with the Somalis, and thereby South Africa! Consolidation of logistics increases all Attack rolls by 1 and morale of Monarchist forces +1! The American cell promptly puts it to use by invading British Columbia.
ROLL TO DODGE!
16 (20): The province falls, and with it, 2 Defence in Canada, while Alaska loses 3. With Mozambique descending into a quagmire, the South African cell refocuses on Malawi.
ROLL TO DODGE!
2 (2): When an entire country is basically a bottleneck, defence becomes easy. Malawi fortifies 2 points as the Monarchists are repulsed. The Somali terrorists consolidate their position in Yemen.
ROLL TO DODGE!
4 (6): Wise to the scheme, the Yemenis have already fortified 1 point and easily repel the invasion.

​

 

[JohannaK]

I nonchalantly carve out a path of dead bodies and wrecked vehicles back to the launchpad.

 

[CivCube]

But that's Uncle Christos...he was at my fifth birthday party. Wait a minute, I never had any birthday parties!

I fire my last Fat Man rocket at Christos!

 

[Omega124]

I have someone in my army deploy a drone, and have me control it since I am the top gun, and shoot the missile down in transit

 

[NinjaCow64]

I perform a long distance traditional Saberist ritual to purify CivCube from Fourist corruption.