ROTQM03: Return of the Quantum Monkies

[GreyFox]

Wait for me to chime in? Geez ... I am flabbergusted with the kind considerations you guys are showing ....

I am fine with Warlords or Vanilla ... I am also fine with Monarch or Emperor, Monarch is more appropriate if patched (at least give Blake some pretense of respect).

Sounds like you guys have covered everything ... what's there to wait for me for? I am here to tell a story and play, not discuss some boring game set-up mudane stuff for christ's sake! Stop bothering me until there is a save loaded ... will you!

Oh ... wait, before I offended everybody and they decides to ignore what I say, I do have an issue wit patching .... I can play Warlords with patching, but as things goes, my DVD drive on my soon-to-be replaced laptop is spoiled, so if you guys decide to patch, I may really have to be OoP for my business trip to US next week (for 2 weeks) ... unless the respected black hats did their job by then ... I can still play regardless of whether patched or not if I can access my home computer (its DVD drive is NOT spoiled).

 

[Ozbenno]

Geez you guys talk alot, start this up for Rex's sake !

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

Okay, executive decision time. I agree that more people playing is more important than which game we play. (Zophos said that better about 20 posts ago.) So let's go with vanilla civ. Otherwise, Zophos' previous list of settings sounds fine.

negyvenketto and Lobster, you guys are in. Xtreme, you're an alternate, if you want to be. Ozzy, you're an Australian, which is half monk(e)y anyway, so you can be our beer-fetcher in chief.

 

[Zophos]

Ok...let this be the first GM "got it".

I'll roll the start on Vanilla/Emperor sometime within the next 24 hours (probably in the next 4, actually, if I can get through Trick-or-Treats and my DMI turnset early enough).

Anyone who wants (further) input on settings, speak now or forever hold your peace. Rex's decisions are gospel, everyone else gets to make suggestions which I am free to ignore.

Rex, you might want to PM Negy - I haven't seen a post from him since he bowed out, so he might not be subscribed. Lobster said he'd lurk, so I presume he's still listening.

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

One last thing, I definitely want an ancient start to give the first two/three religions a natural distribution. Fair enough?

Rex's decisions are gospel

Damn straight! Y'all'd do well to remember that

 

[GreyFox]

(un)fortunately ... I am neither Christian nor Catholic nor whatever that requires obedience to a gospel.

 

[Ozbenno]

Ozzy, you're an Australian, which is half monk(e)y anyway, so you can be our beer-fetcher in chief.

Hmmm, beer .

 

[Zophos]

Gather 'round, little monkeys, and let me tell you a story of when we first left the trees and set out to learn about our world, meet our neighbors, and kill them.



And the civ lotto brings us....



And the start position:



Rex...Start your engines.

 

[Lobsterboy]

*ook ook* (scratches) *ook*

 

[negyvenketto]

Didn't want to scare you, Negyvenketto (are you related to Obi-Wan Venketto?).

It's ok. (No, I never heard about any other Obi-Wan except Kenobi )

*ook ook* (scratches) *ook*

Yes Your might be right

Well, nice roll Zophos. I suppose we can settle in place. Mining for first tech or AH maybe better for growth?

 

[pholkhero]

i would say AH for the pastures and for the Horses...let's get some Immortals

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

ROTQM03: RETURN OF THE QUANTUM MONKEYS™
By We Foolish Friends

Act I, Scene I




FADE IN:

EXT. Space, in orbit, 600 kilometers above the former Annexed Territory of Iran, 2746 AD.




Fighters fill the sky, darting about, firing lasers, and exploding. The camera is zooming in on a large Simian Confederation battle cruiser marked HMS Davey Jones. The cruiser is under heavy fire from several human capital ships and dozens of heavy bombers. the camera follows a missle as it leaves a launch tube from a MkIII Terrestrial Mid-Range Bomber (Hell Hound). The torpedo narrowly dodges several shots from the Davey Jones' forward ion cannons and slams into the hull, just beneath the bridge. We see apes in the bridge falling, flying, and dying from the missile's concussion. Camera zooms in, through the bridge glass and into the bridge.

Mr. Chimps (Commanding Officer)​

Jojo, damage report!​

Jojo (Communications Officer)​

Hull breach on deck twelve, Captain. Casualty reports just now coming in, Sir.​

Mr. Chimps​

Keep me posted, Leiutenant. Grape Ape, how much longer until we get back maneuvering thrusters?​

Grape Ape (Chief Engineer)​

At least an hour, sir. We lost Diddy Kong and So So when the aft propulsion chamber decompressed.​

Mr. Chimps​

You don't have an hour, Mr. Gra--​

The bridge rocks as another blast hits home. Terminals explode and hot wires fall from the ceiling throwing sparks everywhere.

Jojo​

Captain! We have a priority message from the Admiral. We've lost containment in sector 7G. He's ordering an immediate withdrawl of all Confederate craft.​

Mr. Chimps​

Withdrawl?​

Cornelius (Science Officer)​

The war is over, Captain. We must surrender.​

Mr. Chimps​

Surrender? I'd rather die, Cornelius. Intensify forward deflection shield. Route all power from weapons if need be. We must give Grape Ape more time.​

Lucy (Medical Officer) runs onto the bridge. She has a large gash above her eye.

Lucy​

Captain, we just lost half the medical deck. Three doctors, a dozen nurses, and I don't know how many injured hands went with it. How much longer--​

Grape Ape​

Captain, we have limited mobility. Don't stress her too hard, but you ought to be able to steer us out of here--if the bulkheads hold long enough, that is.​

Mr. Chimps​

Excellent job, Ape. Helmsman, bring her about, 120 degrees.​

Chim Chim​

Aye, sir! Coming about one-two-zero.​

The ship creaks as the thrusters fire. All hands on the bridge grab onto something to steady themselves.

Cornelius​

120 degrees? Captain, you don't mean to--​

Mr. Chimps​

Ram 'em? Yes I do, Mr. Cornelius. Look around you. We're not gettin' out of this. There're three terrestrial cruisers out there and the rest of the fleet's left us. Grow some courage, Cornelius. At least your grandkids will be able to say their grandpa died taking out a ship full of humans.​

Mr. Chimps wipes blood from his lip.

Cornelius​

There are other options to dying, Captian.​

Mr. Chimps​

What do you mean?​

Cornelius​

I am referring, Captian, to the hypo-temporal drive.​

Mr. Chimps​

Are you mad? That thing's never been tested.​

Lucy​

Captain, I agree with Cornelius. You'd rather throw our lives away, but he's giving us--all of us, the whole species--a way out of this. Think about it, Chimps. What if we could go back in time and end the human revolt before it ever started. Exterminate the entire species before 20 million apes have to die because of them. [Emotional music begins]. Before you lose Mrs. Bananas...​

Chimps is torn. We see him weighing the options on both hands. Finally, he flips a switch in his chair and we hear a general summons alert.

Mr. Chimps​

All hands. The war is over and we've lost. But we have within our power, potentially, a means to end this war before it ever began. It's never been tested and it might not work. Even if it does, it's a certainty that none of us will ever see his love ones again. This is a fine crew and I know I can count on every last one of you to do your job with courage. There's a possibility that I'm consigning each and every one of us in hell. But if Mr. Cornelius is right, and his machine works, the gains far outweigh the risks. All hands prepare for hypo-temporal ignition.​

A computer voice counts down from ten as the bridge crew braces themselves. When it reaches zero, the video goes black...




FADE IN: (audio only)




We hear a heartbeat, soon accompanied by heavy breathing. Long pause.

Mr. Chimps​

Cornelius? Ape? Jojo? Anyone there?​

Cornelius​

I'm here, Captian.​

Mr. Chimps​

Where are we?​

Cornelius​

Not where, Captian. When​

 

[pholkhero]

Brilliant!

 

[ruff_hi]

on a scale of 1 to 5, I would have to rank that as worth 6 bananas

 

[GreyFox]

Ha, what a nice start!

Now, how do you suppose we are going to produce better report than that?

 

[pholkhero]

i thought that was it. pretty clearly we won, right? I mean, i think we're done here.

 

[ruff_hi]

@The Fox - oh, I think we can do better than that!

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

Well friends, after coming out of the hypo temporal burn, we found that the ship was greatly damaged by our extra-dimensional voyage. (Damn, now I've got to watch Buckaroo Banzai again.) We were forced to crash-land on the planet. Since we were in obit above Iran, we ended up landing in Iran. Only then, it was called Persia, a budding empire from around 4,000 BC. As it turns out, we landed precisely on top of Persepolis, the empire's first city, and, in one neat blow, managed to completely crush our first opponent.



It is here we will make our base for global conquest. The captain ordered us to dismantle the ship to build our first city.



Unfortunately, Pete in accounting sat on the delete button for our main computer and we've now lost every single technology we ever knew. Sucks, huh? Oh, there was also a minor issue raised by Mr. Cornelius about building the city out of a time machine, but the captain over-ruled and we all pretty much forgot the whole issue.

Anyhow, here we are. The captain ordered Grape Ape out to scout surrounding territory. Turns out, the big lug is pretty good at extorting funds from local human populations.



Funds...and other stuff, too.



Of course, every juicy termite has his bile-filled intestinal tract and this was little different...



Struggle ensued...



Amazingly, though, in the middle of the fight, the lion asked Grape if he'd heard about this Budha guy. Neat, huh?



Grape was so happy, he killed him.



Yeah, but then a bunch of civil rights activists caught up him later.





Man, I'm gonna miss that big purple lug.

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

Great news! Cornelius figured out how to plug those cows into the hyperdrive!



Next, the captain asked him to see if he could do anything with all that gold in the hills.



Then he made Lucy go out and do all the work around the place.



Typical male pig. All these dirty smelly primates and it's the woman who has to clean up after 'em.

Cornelius is pretty sure he knows how to get the gold out of the mountains.



Next thing we have to do is make some weapons. We could probably make bronze swords, but we have no copper. How 'bout bows? That works, right? I mean, this *is* 4000BC. Any humans around here are liable to look more like us and carry clubs around, right?

Like a good girl, Lucy's doing her job. Let's see if we can guilt her into hooking up a mine, too, huh?



Well, we're all pretty tired. You know, crash landin' and time warpin' and all. Maybe Lucy can cook something. We're gettin' hungry, too.

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

Stupid 15 image limit. I had to break it up. Anyhow, it's up for the next monkey to really screw things up.

I left the save in my other pants.

Here's the chicken:

Rex Tyrannus: why do my ears smell like cheese?
GreyFox: If I weren't his personal savior, he'd totally kick my butt.
Pholkhero: Better livin' through underpants.
Ruff Hi: 6 out of 5 bananas use brand X.
negyvenketto: Lookin' for that roll-eyes smiley.
Lobster Boy: Is it true what they say about a fart in church?