ROTQM03: Return of the Quantum Monkies

[Rex Tyrannus]

Those are midget monkeys.

 

[·Imhotep·]

Never - and I mean NEVER - have I read such a brillant opening to a SG. Thumbs up. Master Tyrannus ! I already feel sorry that I missed out on this one... Keep it up, my monkeys in mind !

Imhotep

 

[Zophos]

... plus Zophos must confuse me with that particle delay timing thingie ... so I can't think straight now. (Yes, Zophy, I am blaming you as an excuse for my laziness. Just get use to it.).

Actually, I thought that using a quantum-mechanical dice roll was nicely in keeping with the theme of the SG.

And, just for grins, here is my favorite bit of the "How HotBits Works" page:

If quantum mechanics did not govern the universe, the Cæsium-137 nucleus would be stable. But, of course, without quantum mechanics atoms wouldn't be stable, so neither you nor I nor anything else made of atoms would exist, so despite all its complexity, fuzziness, uncertainty, and spooky action-at-a-distance, quantum mechanics is probably a Good Thing. However, I must note that quantum mechanics also permits Microsoft Windows to exist.​

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

I already feel sorry that I missed out on this one.

You know, I used all that "Legendary Bean Counter" junk in the OP titles hoping you'd get the message. Were you out of town?

However, I must note that quantum mechanics also permits Microsoft Windows to exist.

Beautiful. Especially since I'm writing this on a Mac.

 

[pholkhero]

This has just surpassed Robo's random leader generator for me. I've got OCD w/'random numbers'

btw, LegBone=Pholk

 

[·Imhotep·]

You know, I used all that "Legendary Bean Counter" junk in the OP titles hoping you'd get the message. Were you out of town?

Yes, first I wasn't able to check DM and CFC, and then I didn't get it in time. But nevermind, I should pay much more attention to exam preparations anyway .

Imhotep

 

[GreyFox]

Here is my dotmap ... I recovered from the Zophy-induced headache



The horse should be in by the next border expansion, so no need to waste a city for that. Of-course everything would change when iron is popped ... if iron is popped

Also, true that we never build many cities in previous RotQM, but things seems different this time. 1500 years has passes and I have just met the first human ... hmmm ...

--

 

[pholkhero]

Scene Opens.

Mr Teeny [a different one than Mr Chimps from earlier. Mr Teeny is in Special Ops; he's the cigarette-smoking simian sidekick of the Simpsons' Mr. Krustavsky (aka, Krusty the Klown)], is speaking to a young, attractive chimpanzee in the palace's pub. He nonchalantly blows cigarette smoke into the shape of banana . . .

Mr. Teeny: (in mid-sentence) and so that's how we know Time is the shape of a pen-- (He is drowned out as Cornelius bursts into the room)

Cornelius: MISTER TEENY! I find you here?

Mr Teeny: [not choosing to hear, continues speaking to the womape (ya' know, not wo-man)] Wanna see?

Cornelius: Mr. Teeny! (He approaches the two rapidly) On your feet! Cigarette out! (Mr Teeny slowly obeys, revealing his complete "laid back" attitute; nothing can be down too slowly!) I need you, ape! I need you for a mission!!

Mr Teeny: (looking eager and respectful now at the prospect of leaving) What is it, sir?

[Monologue alert]
Cornelius: (relaxs a bit, giving Mr Teeny respect as well.) I am afraid the only way we can make a difference here for the future of all apes is to completely wipe out these humans, wipe them out before they destroy the planet . . . Remember how they left us, Mr Teeny. Remember the legends of old . . . They destroyed the planet, rendered it almost inhabitable in their greed. And what did they do? They ran!! They RAN! (Cornelius bares his teeth, visibly angry) They packed up their starships, and they left our planet to its fate. (Cornelius now appears to weaken a bit, and sits down. He breathes deep) But the Great Mother, all she needed was time. She healed herself; she brought us all back to life! And then what? Of course, they came back, trying to take back what they once had broken and fled from. But we were stronger then. Stronger, and smarter. We formed the Confederation shortly after the humans returned, and we quickly turned our scientific spacestations and research vessels into a the United Federal Stellar Navy (UFSN). The Great War is probably over back in our time . . . the humans are probably on the planet now . . . (Cornelius' head sinks, he *may* be crying).

Mr Teeny: Sir, even if they did manage to land, that's not the end of us. We'd force them off--

Cornelius: No, no! That doesn't matter now. We need to succeed here, in this time. To prevent the humans from ever destroying the Great Mother . . prevent the war . . . prevent Mrs Bananas . . . (He clears his throat of the growing lump) Mr Teeny, some apes, males and females, to head south. We can't reach any of these humans from here. We need a new outpost . . . I want you to lead it.

Mr Teeny: I'd be honored, sir! (He leans closer to Cornelius) but can i leave in the morning? (He nods towards the female chimp)

Cornelius: Of course. (He gets up to leave.) And now if you'll excuse me. (He salutes, and mr Teeny does back) Good luck, Mr Teeny. (He walks towards the door)

Mr Teeny: Sir! (Cornelius stops) What shall I call this new settlement?

Cornelius: You decide, but make it . . . tasteful. (He turns and leaves)

Mr Teeny: (He sits back down, lights up a cigarette) So, did you wanna see my --"

(to be continued in a bit)

and pls excuse the grammar; editing is so passe

 

[pholkhero]

Mr Teeny wakes up, alone and hung-over. He scrambles out of bed, smoothes his wrinkled uniform and heads toward their door. He suddenly realizes he's slept in his uniform, alone, last night. "Another blackout. Damn, that milk is strong!" On his way out, he can't help but think, if it weren't for his horse, he never would've made it through medical school . . . which made no sense. He was clearly not hungover but still drunk.

He found his small team of males and females. He scanned over the females. One...no, no, two...No, no, you are their leader. On the way out, he hears rumors of some human 'historian's' new list:

Bah, human rubbish. What do they know?

"Apes and womapes, listen closely. This will be a dangerous excursion into the jungle, but we are going to meet up with a forward assault team of apes, using local weapons, our laser guns and stun rays having been vaporized in the time warp which conveniently explains why we don't use them on these humans if we really are a time-traveling spaceship. So, anyway, let's go out and spread the apes!"

Several weeks later, Cornelius recieved this transmission by human slave-runner.

"Cornelius:

We made our south through the Great Jungle. On the way down, we encountered several fierce foes:


And then:

Of course, these humans can not match the ferocity of us apes. A pity they're all such pu$$ies.

To continue: we left the jungle, and found a small lake there. Beside were several hills, which could serve as the basis of good fortifications. We settled in. Behold our new Southern Command:


It has a lovely view of some future human slaves:

No doubt this base will serve us well!!

Yours in human-killing,
Mr Teeny, Governor of Mr Teenyville (I'll be awaiting the official promotion)
[/endnote]

Cornelius: That Mr Teeny! But still, he did find us a nice location for a new outpost. And he DID make good use of those humans as slaves...perhaps the same could be done in our city:


Intermediate Functionary: Sir? Sorry to interupt. This just came for you . . . it's some sort of animal skin, i believe.

Cornelius looks at it:

There is a hand-written note in the corner. Many human slaves died for this map . . . well, actually, just one . . . we used his skin

Dead Human Skin

 

[Zophos]

INT. - DESPOT'S SLEEPING CHAMBER - NIGHT

MR. CHIMPS is tired and preparing for bed. Yawns, scratches under his arms, and waddles toward the pallet against the wall. Suddenly, there is a commotion in the hallway. Indistinct voices can be heard

MUFFLED VOICE (CORNELIUS)​

But I must see him immediately!​

A guard responds, but cannot be heard clearly MR. CHIMPS sighs.

MR. CHIMPS (Commanding Officer)​

(shouting) Guard!​

A brief silence, then the door opens. GUARD #1 enters.

MR. CHIMPS​

Send him in.​

GUARD #1 nods and gestures to someone outside the door. CORNELIUS shuffles in, looking disheveled and upset.

CORNELIUS (Science Officer)​

(exasperated) It's about time! Sir, I -​

MR. CHIMPS waves him to silence, then addresses GUARD #1.

MR. CHIMPS​

Dismissed.​

GUARD #1 salutes and exits. CORNELIUS glowers at him until the door closes

CORNELIUS​

(muttering) No respect for their elders.​

MR. CHIMPS​

Elders is right! Perhaps if you had been able to reproduce the longevity treatments after the crash, the younglings would...well, never mind. That's not why you barged into my bedroom, is it?​

CORNELIUS​

No, sir. There's something very strange going on in the city.​

MR. CHIMPS​

Strange?​

CORNELIUS​

Some of the wall panels in the palace began glowing about two hours ago.​

MR. CHIMPS​

Wall panels? You mean the displays from our old ship?​

CORNELIUS​

Yes.​

MR. CHIMPS​

That's impossible! We haven't even had electric power for two thousand years!​

CORNELIUS​

I can't explain it, sir. But it's happening. I've been trying -​

A faint humming sound can be heard faintly.

CORNELIUS​

- to find out if any of the ship's systems are working again, but the displays didn't make any sense at all. Almost as if they were picking up a random signal from somewhere.​

MR. CHIMPS begins pacing the floor. CORNELIUS notices the humming and looks thoughful.

MR. CHIMPS​

(talking half to himself) We can't rebuild the ship...too much damage. But if the weapons pods can be salvaged -

​

CORNELIUS​

Um...sir?​

The humming is gradually getting louder and increasing in pitch. MR. CHIMPS is getting excited, and does not notice.

MR. CHIMPS​

- or even the library. But where did we put the memory crystals -​

CORNELIUS​

(louder) Sir?​

MR. CHIMPS​

- during the salvage operation?​

The humming is easily audible now, and rapidly escalating in pitch. CORNELIUS looks toward the window and notices a sickly green flickering light coming from outside. CORNELIUS looks frightened.

MR. CHIMPS​

What IS that noise?​

CORNELIUS​

(gulps) Sir, it sounds like the hypo-temporal drive waming up.​

MR. CHIMPS stares at CORNELIUS in shock for a moment.

MR. CHIMPS​

Find Grape Ape immediately! He was in charge of the construction effort after the crash. He might know where the drive core wound up!​

CORNELIUS​

I think it's too late for that.​

The humming is now lound enough that it's hard to hear anything else. The hum becomes a whine, then a roar, then...

FADE TO WHITE

FADE TO BLACK

CUT TO COMMERCIAL

Yes, this is a GM 'got it'. Ruff, please wait for my next post before you pick up and play.

While you are waiting, please listen to a few words from our sponsor - Anti-Monkey-Butt Powder.


Anti-Monkey-Butt jingle starts playing...

 

[Zophos]

INT. - COMMANDER'S CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

A large room, dominated by a long wooden table covered in maps, charts, and graphs. A coffeepot perks on a sideboard next to a tray of banana pastries, and a nearby metal wastebasket is filled with crumpled paper cups and napkins. CORNELIUS (Science Officer) is sitting at the table, apparently asleep with his head on the desk. LUCY (Medical Officer), GRAPE APE (Chief Engineer), and JOJO (Communications Officer) are speaking in low tones near the coffeepot.

MR. CHIMPS (Commanding Officer) enters, striding briskly to the head of the table, and sits down. The others quickly take their seats, too.

MR. CHIMPS​

All right, simians, I don't have much time, so let's get started. Grape Ape, you first.​

GRAPE APE​

Yes, sir. (pauses) Do you want the good news, the bad news, or the weird news first, sir?​

MR. CHIMPS​

Just make your report.​

GRAPE APE​

Yes, sir. In the three days since the...um...the -​

MR. CHIMPS​

(interrupting) Let's just call it 'the Event', ok? I'm sure Cornelius will tell us all about it in a moment. Proceed.​

GRAPE APE​

Yes, sir. In the three days since the Event, I've actually managed to get several of the systems from our old ship working, at least at a basic level. You have to understand that we dismantled nearly everything when we built the palace and the settlement two thousand years ago.​

JOJO​

Yeah, I remember. My back is still sore.​

MR. CHIMPS​

Are any of the weapons systems working?​

GRAPE APE​

No, sir. No weapons, and none of the manufacturing systems. Vehicles were all wrecked before we even landed.​

LUCY​

So what IS working?​

GRAPE APE​

Well, most of the display panels that we dismounted to use for walls are working.​

GRAPE APE picks up a small remote control and points it towards the wall at the foot of the conference table. The wall lights up, and lists begin to scroll across the surface.

GRAPE APE​

As you can see, we've also been able to access many of the files in the ship's library. We have some electric power - not enough to do anything useful, but enough to run the displays and a few other things like that coffeepot - but, well, it's complicated. Other than that, we're still assessing.​

GRAPE APE trails off, looking troubled.

MR. CHIMPS​

Ok...I've heard some good and some bad. What's the weird?​

GRAPE APE​

Well...for one thing, my assistants, sir. They...uh...they KNOW things.​

MR. CHIMPS​

I don't understand​

GRAPE APE​

Things I never taught them, sir. I've been concentrating on simple things - bows, basic tent assembly, that sort of thing. After the Event, I caught one of them trying to set up a lathe to turn rifle barrels, and a couple of others were patching some crude electric lights into the power grid. It's...unsettling.​

MR. CHIMPS​

Lucy, you mentioned something about this yesterday, can you fill us in?​

GRAPE APE remains at the end of the table. LUCY rises to address the group. CORNELIUS snores softly.

MR. CHIMPS​

And someone wake up Cornelius.​

JOJO gently shakes CORNELIUS' shoulder. CORNELIUS snorts and lifts his head, blinking blearily at everyone.

LUCY​

I can't add much, except that I've noticed the same thing Grape Ape has. Yesterday, I overheard an orderly whining about not having an autoclave to pasteurize our surgical instruments. I haven't used those terms with any of my simians in at least 500 years! I gave the orderly a full physical and found nothing out of the ordinary.​

MR. CHIMPS​

Very well. Anything else, either of you?​

GRAPE APE​

Yes, sir. We're missing a room.​

MR. CHIMPS​

What on earth are you talking about?​

GRAPE APE​

A store room on the first basement level of the palace, sir. It's not there.​

GRAPE APE fiddles with the remote, and a set of building plans appears on the wall, with one square room flashing red.

GRAPE APE​

This is where we stored some of the parts from the ship that we didn't use for the construction of the Palace. Aside from some scrap metal, bulkhead seals, and that sort of thing, there were three interesting sets of equipment in there: Library crystals and crystal readers. Some of the emergency communications gear. And the core from the hypo-temporal drive.​

MR. CHIMPS​

And this room is missing?​

GRAPE APE​

Yes, sir. You can approach it along either of these two corridors, but when you step through the door where the room should be...you just find yourself stepping out of the other door. It's like the room is...gone. Oh, and all the power we're using is coming out of cables that lead into that room.​

MR. CHIMPS​

So, we're making coffee using free power coming from a mysterious source in a room that doesn't exist.​

GRAPE APE shrugs uncomfortably. MR. CHIMPS stares at the coffee in his cup, then turns to CORNELIUS.

MR. CHIMPS​

Cornelius, are you awake yet?​

CORNELIUS​

Yes. (yawns) I have a theory I've been working on.​

MR. CHIMPS leans back in his chair and makes a 'go ahead' gesture with his hands. GRAPE APE returns to his seat.

CORNELIUS​

Well, as you know, the hypo-temporal drive operates by magnifying a quantum-mechanical fluctuation in the basic...(looks at the confused faces around him) Ok, look, just imagine the space-time continuum as a simple ten-dimensional tensor field, Then -​

MR. CHIMPS​

(interrupting) Forget the theory, Cornelius. Just tell us what happened.​

CORNELIUS​

(taken aback)Ah...yes. Um...ok. The drive warps time, right?​

Everyone nods

CORNELIUS​

And time and space are just aspects of the same continuum, so it warps space, too. That's how it can take one chunk of space with, say, a spaceship in it, and shift it through time relative to the rest of space.​

Everyone nods again.

CORNELIUS​

The drive has warped the space around it - that store room - and dropped out of our time. Mostly, anyway. Basically, that's what it's FOR, it's just that this time, we're on the outside of the field.​

JOJO​

Something in there is broadcasting, though.​

CORNELIUS looks startled - this is a new idea. Everyone turns to look at JOJO.

JOJO​

Look...the storeroom that's missing has the drive, our library, spare comms gear, and a mystery power source. And suddenly the drive fires up, we can access part of the library, and our younglings seem to know about technology that's only IN the library. Doesn't anyone else see a big coincidence here? Something dumped a big chunk of our library directly into the brains of all the worker apes in Simia. And it's got to have something to do with that drive!​

Everyone at the table looks stunned.

LUCY​

Is this even possible? This...thing...interfering with our minds?​

CORNELIUS​

No idea. Some sort of resonance from the initial jump we made? It doesn't seem to have affected US at all...but maybe that is because we were all present during the initial jump. All the younglings have been born since then. I don't know, but I'll keep on it.​

GRAPE APE​

Could it happen again? Could it wipe knowledge as well as add it?​

MR. CHIMPS​

Wrong question, Ape. Ask yourself this, instead: What if it affected the humans, too?​

FADE TO BLACK

ROLL CREDITS

Ruff...it's time for the next exciting installment of "Quantum Monkeys"

 

[Zophos]

Note to screenwriters: The cast so far, in order of appearance

Mr. Chimps: Commander of the HMS Davey Jones, now Despot
Jojo: Communications
Grape Ape: Chief Engineer
Cornelius: Science Officer
Lucy: Medical Officer
Chim Chim: Helmsman
Mr. Teeny: Special Ops, now Governor of Mr. Teenyville

Please ignore Pholk's attempted palace coup.

 

[negyvenketto]

Nice progress, entertaining stories I fear I can't match.

I can't open the save at work. Could anyone tell me which era we are in, please?
I guess the available techs for research are quite expensive for 2 size 1 towns. Can we get anything in the next few turnsets? Would it be better to switch off research to collect money for upgrade our units? And concentrating growth for I suppose the tech level of the barbs corresponds to the actual date (1900 BC) not the tech level of the players so fighting with them will be easy at least, when we produce some modern units.

 

[ruff_hi]

Ok, got it. Ook! Any suggestions as that now everyone is at the same tech level! I wonder how those silly Huuuumans are doing in their black city. Surely they don't have a direct feed from the time engine.

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

Impressive, Pholk and Zophos. Very well written, both of you. I really like how you've filled in the back-story.

Quick recap:

So far we have the concept that humans abandoned the earth, leaving monkeys to evolve to primacy. When the humans returned, war broke out and the humans seemed to have won. Hatch scheme: monkeys in time warp.

4000BC the monkeys build their first city out of the former spaceship. However, only the original crew has their longevity. New-born "young ones" have a standard simian life-span.

[first temporal event]

The original crew realize that the hypo-temporal drive has ignited, leaving a tear in space-time, through which their young-ones' minds have been implanted knowledge from the ship's library.

Did I miss anything important?

Now then, two questions regarding the cast, Mr. Z. Is it Mr. Chips or Mr. Chimps? You seem to have used them interchangeably. Also, didn't I kill off Grape Ape? (Longevity treatment allows for resurrection?)


We fools:

Rex Tyrannus: amazed so many people are as weird as me
GreyFox: live, love, learn, drive a nail through the eyes of the whicked
Pholkhero: Either intensely contempletive or mildly inebriated
Ruff Hi: No more monkeys jumpin' on the bed
negyvenketto: Original signator: Declaration of Codependence
Lobster Boy: Accident free 391 0 days.

Lastly, to address Negy's concerns. Please don't anyone feel like you have to go over the top with this one. Standard reports are fine (please no auto-log dumps, though. Just try to be entertaining at times, if you can. Some of us are having a little fun that most games wouldn't allow, but I'm sure none of us would think any less of a standard report. We all have real lives and real responsibilities and we all understand the time constrictions thereof.

 

[Zophos]

Now then, two questions regarding the cast, Mr. Z. Is it Mr. Chips or Mr. Chimps? You seem to have used them interchangeably.

Mr. Chimps, of course. My brain and fingers appear to have been playing tricks on me while I typed. I will go correct it.

That's what I get for writing late at night.

Also, didn't I kill off Grape Ape? (Longevity treatment allows for resurrection?)

Oops. I missed that in your first turn report. Um...ah...crud. How about this: Grape was with a party of redshirts in the jungle when he ran into the pack of panthers. Redshirts die facing the beasts, Grape Ape drags himself back home and dramatically collapses into Lucy's arms (cue strings). Lucy nurses him back to health, but he still mourns the loss of his companions.

(Or you just tell me I'm a doofus and I'll go change Grape Ape's name everywhere to Curious George LaForge , ol' Grape's assistant on the original ship.)

I can't open the save at work. Could anyone tell me which era we are in, please?
I guess the available techs for research are quite expensive for 2 size 1 towns. Can we get anything in the next few turnsets? Would it be better to switch off research to collect money for upgrade our units? And concentrating growth for I suppose the tech level of the barbs corresponds to the actual date (1900 BC) not the tech level of the players so fighting with them will be easy at least, when we produce some modern units.

The Event took you (and all other human civs) to the beginning of the Modern Era. You have all Industrial-era techs, none of the Modern ones.

As for barbs...I made an executive decision there and left their technology alone. Having a barb Infantry pop out of the fog would be game-killing for whichever civ encountered it. I considered making you guys wonder about this one, but I really think this was the only way to go.

In the future, I'll post a screenie or two so the team can be up to speed post-Event.

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

Don't bother editing/rewriting anything. It's more fun to read an organic story with organic incongruities than refined prose.

 

[Darwin420]

lurker's comment:
Awesome game, awesome stories! This is truly an SG that will live on in CFC legend.

Now, play faster!

 

[Zophos]

Don't bother editing/rewriting anything. It's more fun to read an organic story with organic incongruities than refined prose.

Ok...I fixed the Chimps/Chips thing, but Grape Ape's mysterious escape from the big cats will stand. Maybe we can do flashbacks a la "Lost" to fill it in...

And the rest of your summary seemed spot on.

 

[pholkhero]

Pholkhero: Either intensely contempletive or mildly inebriated

a little of column A, a little of column B ~

great report on the time shift and thanks for the "dramtis personae"

also, imhotep, if you like, you can sub in for me every once in a while; i think you'd enjoy writing a report for this game.