How on earth is this still being discussed?

The original wording was a little inelegant, but there is nothing incorrect, misleading, or illogical there. (Now that the Free Religion/Speech mistake has been corrected.)
If you achieve objective 4:
4) You win the game by one of these conditions:
a. Spaceship lands at Alpha Centauri
b. UN diplomatic victory with 2 civs voting for you
c. Culture Victory where Culture Through Espionage does not exceed 4000 culture in at least two of your Legendary Cities.
=

You achieve objective 5:
5) You win the game in any fashion
=

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If you win via Domination or Conquest (
etc.) then:
5) You win the game in any fashion
=

But naturally you do not:
4) ...win the game by one of these conditions:
a. Spaceship lands at Alpha Centauri
b. UN diplomatic victory with 2 civs voting for you
c. Culture Victory where Culture Through Espionage does not exceed 4000 culture in at least two of your Legendary Cities.
=

And since...
Laurels will be awarded to the team completing the most... objectives, and ties in that regard will be decided by how fast you can do it.
...the teams are likely to put their collective heads together and say "hey, gang. You know what? Let's not go for a Domination win this time around, ok? Let's try for one of the options listed under 4). That way we can achieve five objectives instead of four and surely win SGOTM 18!"
Or else, after the game is through:
"Noooooooooo. I can't believe we crept over the land limit by 0.1%!!! Still, at least we're ranked above all those other teams that lost or were forced to retire. Now, as only the third team to post any sort of win, we've gotten the bronze. Thank goodness for Objective 5, and kind, thoughtful mapmakers!"