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The Grizzly Gritty Grim Warlord City - The Exodus

Discussion in 'Civ4 - Demo Game IV: Citizens' started by Provolution, Apr 22, 2008.

  1. Provolution

    Provolution Sage of Quatronia

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    The Grizzly Gritty Grim Warlord City - The Exodus

    Disclaimer: This is based on in-game events, not on anything else.




    2040 BC, the families of the Prochon Warband had enough of the intrigues between the tribals, vandals and philosophers in Arete, and they were sick and tired of crushing rebellions, so they decided to head for the towering Prochon Range, over Civius Hills. They wanted to build a great citadel, greatest on Earth.
    The tribe went north, grabbed a whole host of pigs with them from a nearby developed pig farm.

    The owner of the Pig Farm, Lost Cause of the Philosophers, protested to this rampant and unprecedented requisition of food.




    "If you do not bring back by pigs, I would call for Master Blastoid the Geographer, he is half a big brute that can crush you with his big arms, but also on the top of Blastoid, there is a small dwarf that is a talented Geographer. I intend to call Master Blastoid to toss your champion into the caged ring, until you give us back our pig farm!"



    Provolion the Historian answered

    "Well, most aptly named "Lost Cause of the Philosophers", you think you are the tiny turner for our quest for Thunderdome, well you aren't and we are hungry and feel like breeding after 2000 years in the wilderness, and some pork chops would be nice in between those orgies with those feisty bare-breasted, voluptuous Yassan women. So you are free to philosophize over this lost cause, Lost Cause of the Philosophize, you can think hard all you want, when our warriors fornicate with needy Yassan women, devouring limbs of swine, pigs, pork and greasy hooves from horses that broke their legs in flight as well as the occasional "mushroom that bends your head".



    1840 BC, The Warlord City, which I would like to call "Thunderdome", in memory of Mad Bax, with reference to the mountain range and the presence of pigs, desert and rice as well as the military profile, was founded.
    There was even a spring with some kids sitting in a canoe they believed came from the heavens, but they were just prehistoric, not post-apocalyptic.



    Provolion continued:

    "Thunderdome grew rapidly, as all they did was to build a huge monument over the triumphant exploration of the Prochon Warband. This phallic symbol, not an obelisk, was named "The Nizol Erectude", the biggest phallic symbol in all of the Aretan territory. Around it, the Warlord population doubled and tripled, seeded Warlord heritage among loins of most willing Yassan Women in piles of flesh from Swine, Blackberries, rice and psychedelic mushrooms."



    "Their children became a most sturdy, hardy and violent people. Hardened by the many marches in the tall hills surrounding Thunderdome, humbled by the temperature in the Hot Gates plains, engulfed by the heated winds of the desert and their eyes staring defiantly against the sun, until blinded or the sun decided to retreat behind the horizon. There was game to be hunted in the forests, and there was glory in climbing the four frosty peaks surrounding Thunderdome, where there was mass baptisms of small children in organized, ritual avalanches from the threatening glaciers. Only men that had been grown, groomed and trained in all of the lands surrounding Thunderdome would ever be considered fit to fight our enemies."




    "At the age of 10, they were sent to murder a lion singlehandedly and to pick up remains of comrades that failed the task, for those that embarked on a warriors life, at the age of 12, they were sent to crush the skull of a lone Babylonian scout, ordered to mess up the body so it looked like a lion attack.
    At the age of 14, they were trained to run after small pigs, and the bowlegged boys that failed to grab the swines as they ran between their legs where appointed to become Horseman Archers. The boys that managed to grab the swines became warriors, the boys that began to eat the swines in close combat became axemen, the boys that began to strike at the pigs with sharp sticks became swordsmen, the boys that hurled rocks at the pigs became archers and the boys that sat on the big rock waiting for something to happen, where bred to ride elephants in the far future being sent to New Giruvegan for religious training in what we called the "Patient Ivory Cavalry"."




    At the age of 17, they were bonded with a Yassan woman, and sent inside the Mount Prochon Volcano near the desert for a full day to impregnate her, as well as forced to stay there until they had eaten up a full piglet and three jars of rice, one jar for each Faction.



    The only thing that kept the Warlords from growing fat from the swines and whoring with Yassan women, was the fierce military training, which was merciless, long, hard and eternal. Desertion was punished by partition and distribution near the pig farm. This is how the Warlord Civilization started, in 1840 BC, a new dawn emerged, a bloody glorious one. With the intense Piggie Style procreation program, it did not take long before Thunderdome passed the population of Faith City.
     
  2. Provolution

    Provolution Sage of Quatronia

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    Oh, and I would nominate the Warlord City to be named "Thunderdome".
     
  3. Seidrik_The_Gray

    Seidrik_The_Gray Seidrik The Gray

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    Sweet Sejenus! (Anyone know that name? Hint, it's from a very good but twisted book, very loosely based on an alternate reality/history/world of the Crusades)

    It all makes sense now! Long live the Thunder Dome! May their strong bodies and Hot Women defend us forever and strike fear into the hearts of less manly tribes!
     
  4. Provolution

    Provolution Sage of Quatronia

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    Yeah, a compelling story, isn't it. I really liked that idea of mass baptisms of small babies in organized ritual avalanches from threatening glaciers, real hard core.
     
  5. Seidrik_The_Gray

    Seidrik_The_Gray Seidrik The Gray

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    Definitely fitting for a Warrior culture. We're setting up nicely for a city-states kind of government.
     

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