Narz
keeping it real
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
How about a lesbian dinosaur?
Spoiler :
How about a lesbian dinosaur?
Spoiler :
#~~ The HEhe HAha Joke Thread ~~#
- Thread starter Abaddon
- Start date
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Ansar
Détente avec l'été
@ Narz
Jawz II
Oh Dear
Heres one I heard on a Drew Carey comedy album:
A guy wakes up one day and hears a voice in his head. The voice goes: "Sell all your stuff, take all your money out of the bank, quit your job and go to vegas."
The ignores the voice. 5 minutes later, again:"Sell all your stuff, take all your money out of the bank, quit your job and go to vegas."
Again he ignores it. Again and again the guy hears the voice, after a week, he is about to go crazy with the voice, so he sells his house, his car, records, TV, everything and gets on a plane to vegas.
Gets off the plane and the voice goes: "go to cesars palace". He does as he is told.
The voice goes:"bet everything on 23 black". He does
A guy wakes up one day and hears a voice in his head. The voice goes: "Sell all your stuff, take all your money out of the bank, quit your job and go to vegas."
The ignores the voice. 5 minutes later, again:"Sell all your stuff, take all your money out of the bank, quit your job and go to vegas."
Again he ignores it. Again and again the guy hears the voice, after a week, he is about to go crazy with the voice, so he sells his house, his car, records, TV, everything and gets on a plane to vegas.
Gets off the plane and the voice goes: "go to cesars palace". He does as he is told.
The voice goes:"bet everything on 23 black". He does
Spoiler :
Mirc
Not mIRC!!!
Hahaha.... that reminds me of a very funny thing that happened to me in Germany:
I was at a big guitar contest in Germany that had two rounds, in which from almost 100 participants only 6 qualified to the final. At the prize-winner's gala, the organizer (a very nice guy!) held a speech.
It was clear that he was a bit nervous, but he managed to speak very well IMO. At some point, he had to invite the 6 finalists on stage. So he said something like:
[German accent on] "Now, that we're finished with talking, I invite the.. the... (clearly searching for the word in his mind) the sex participants to come on stage.[/German accent off].
Of course, everyone was laughing so hard that what he said afterwards couldn't be heard.
It's more funny when you see it happening than when you read it from here.
Here's a joke to keep on-topic:
A guy and a girl were in bed. The guy was slowly undressing and kissing the girl, with very romantic moves... At some moment though, he stopped, and as if he had a revelation, he asked:
"Hey... How old are you??!"
"Thirteen."
"Oh ****!! [various swear words] Get dressed quickly, come on, hurry up, come on!"
Her answer:
Spoiler :
3 men die and St. Peter asks them to tell him how they died, and he would decide if they could go into heaven. The first one starts:
"I suspected my girlfriend was cheating on me, so I came home from work early, adn sure enough, I found a guy in my bed with her. He quickly ran out of the bedroom, and I finally found him hanging on to the balcony of the apartment complex. So I got a hammer, hit his hands, and he fell, unfortunately into a pile of bushes. So I picked up my fridge and dropped it on him. Then I had a heart attack and died."
The second guy starts:
"I was riding my bike around the balcony of my apartment complex, I took a fall, and almost fell off the balcony. Fortunately, I was able to hold onto the edge just barely. But then some maniac comes and hits my hands with a hammer. When I fall, I am relieved that I fell in a bush, but he then throws a fridge at me! That's when I died."
The third guy says:
"I was cheating on this guys girlfriend, and he came home, so I quickly hid in the refridgerator. But then he picks me up and throws me off the balcony, and I died."
Short joke:
A priest was hunting, and he had run out of bullets. As he heads back to his car, a bear appears in front of him. He gets on his knees and prays "Dear lord, please make this bear a christian." Then the bear gets down on his knees and prays "Dear lord, I thank you for the food that I am about to eat."
"I suspected my girlfriend was cheating on me, so I came home from work early, adn sure enough, I found a guy in my bed with her. He quickly ran out of the bedroom, and I finally found him hanging on to the balcony of the apartment complex. So I got a hammer, hit his hands, and he fell, unfortunately into a pile of bushes. So I picked up my fridge and dropped it on him. Then I had a heart attack and died."
The second guy starts:
"I was riding my bike around the balcony of my apartment complex, I took a fall, and almost fell off the balcony. Fortunately, I was able to hold onto the edge just barely. But then some maniac comes and hits my hands with a hammer. When I fall, I am relieved that I fell in a bush, but he then throws a fridge at me! That's when I died."
The third guy says:
"I was cheating on this guys girlfriend, and he came home, so I quickly hid in the refridgerator. But then he picks me up and throws me off the balcony, and I died."
Short joke:
A priest was hunting, and he had run out of bullets. As he heads back to his car, a bear appears in front of him. He gets on his knees and prays "Dear lord, please make this bear a christian." Then the bear gets down on his knees and prays "Dear lord, I thank you for the food that I am about to eat."
There was an old couple, who could hardly remember anything. One night they were watching TV and the man went in to the kitchen to get some water. His wife asked him to bring her some ice cream.
After half an hour in the kitchen, he comes out with a plate of ham and eggs, and his wife says, "Where's my toast?"
After half an hour in the kitchen, he comes out with a plate of ham and eggs, and his wife says, "Where's my toast?"
salty mud
Deity
But it's not really a joke...
blacktrance
Chieftain
- Joined
- Nov 26, 2004
- Messages
- 7
A ****** father sends his ****** son to the store.
Father: ******! Remember, you need to get 2 things! Bread and butter!
Two hours later, the son comes back with a hockey stick.
Father: I told you to bring 2 things! Where's the puck, ******?!
Father: ******! Remember, you need to get 2 things! Bread and butter!
Two hours later, the son comes back with a hockey stick.
Father: I told you to bring 2 things! Where's the puck, ******?!
classical_hero
In whom I trust
Man walks up to a doctor just in cling wrap. The doctor say, "I can clearly see your nuts."
actually its, clearly I can see youre nuts...
classical_hero
In whom I trust
That is the whole point of the joke. It is referring to his body part not his state of mind.
Catharsis
catch u on the flip scythe
That joke only really works when spoken, like most spelling-related punlike jokes.
classical_hero
In whom I trust
Doctor I have a strawberry stuck in my arse.
I have some cream for it.
Dostor, I have a cricket ball stuck up my arse.
Howzat?
Don't you start.
For that joke, you need to be someone that understands cricket to really get that joke.
I have some cream for it.
Dostor, I have a cricket ball stuck up my arse.
Howzat?
Don't you start.
For that joke, you need to be someone that understands cricket to really get that joke.
Catharsis
catch u on the flip scythe
at the cricket ball one.What do you call a cricketing old hag?
Spoiler :
Where does the cricketing old hag live?
Spoiler :
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