#~~ The HEhe HAha Joke Thread ~~#
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classical_hero
In whom I trust
I think it varies on what part of the world you live in.slozenger said:
classical_hero
In whom I trust
Here are some funny musical jokes. I will not be posting the 12 inch Pianist joke.
How do you get a drummer off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
How can you tell he was a drummer?
The knock was rushed.
There were two people walking down the street - one was a musician.
The other didn't have any money either.
What do you call a musician that just broke up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.
How can you tell when a singer is at your door?
She can't find the key, and doesn't know when to come in.
A pianist and singer are rehearsing "Autumn Leaves" for a concert and the pianist says: "OK. We will start in G minor and then on the third bar, modulate to B major and go into 5/4. When you get to the bridge, modulate back down to F# minor and alternate a 4/4 bar with a 7/4 bar. On the last A section go into double time and slowly modulate back to G minor."
The singer says: "Wow, I don't think I can remember all of that."
The pianist says: "Well, that's what you did last time."
How do you get a drummer off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
How can you tell he was a drummer?
The knock was rushed.
There were two people walking down the street - one was a musician.
The other didn't have any money either.
What do you call a musician that just broke up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.
How can you tell when a singer is at your door?
She can't find the key, and doesn't know when to come in.
A pianist and singer are rehearsing "Autumn Leaves" for a concert and the pianist says: "OK. We will start in G minor and then on the third bar, modulate to B major and go into 5/4. When you get to the bridge, modulate back down to F# minor and alternate a 4/4 bar with a 7/4 bar. On the last A section go into double time and slowly modulate back to G minor."
The singer says: "Wow, I don't think I can remember all of that."
The pianist says: "Well, that's what you did last time."
George Bush had a heart attack and died. Obviously,he went to hell where the devil was waiting for him.
"I'm not sure what to do," said the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. As you definitely have to stay here, so I'm going to have to let someone else go. I've got three folks herewho weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to
take their place.I'll even let you decide who leaves."
George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil opened the first room. In it were Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over. Such was his fate in hell.
"No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good
swimmer and don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, time after time. "No!" I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day." commented George.
The devil opened the third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head,and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this.
" The devil smiled and said, "Ok, Monica, you're free to go!"
"I'm not sure what to do," said the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. As you definitely have to stay here, so I'm going to have to let someone else go. I've got three folks herewho weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to
take their place.I'll even let you decide who leaves."
George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil opened the first room. In it were Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over. Such was his fate in hell.
"No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good
swimmer and don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, time after time. "No!" I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day." commented George.
The devil opened the third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head,and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this.
" The devil smiled and said, "Ok, Monica, you're free to go!"
Irish Caesar
Yellow Jacket
Although I did see that punchline coming...
Mathilda
Queen
Tenjewberrymuds: You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds' means by the
end of the conversation. This has been nominated for the best email of 2005.
The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and
room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the
Far East Economic Review:
Room Service (RS): "Morrin. ; Roon sirbees."
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
RS: "Rye ..Roon sirbees ..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??"
G: "Uh..yes.I'd like some bacon and eggs."
RS: "Ow July den?"
G: "What??"
RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"
G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?
G: "Crisp will be fine."
RS : "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"
G: "What?"
RS:"An toes. July Sahn toes?"
G: "I don't think so."
RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."
RS: "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RS: "We bodder?"
G: "No...just put the bodder on the side."
RS: "Wad! ?"
G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
RS: "Copy?"
G: "Excuse me?"
RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"
G: "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy....rye??"
G: "Whatever you say."
RS: "Tenjewberrymuds."
G : "You're very welcome."
end of the conversation. This has been nominated for the best email of 2005.
The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and
room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the
Far East Economic Review:
Room Service (RS): "Morrin. ; Roon sirbees."
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
RS: "Rye ..Roon sirbees ..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??"
G: "Uh..yes.I'd like some bacon and eggs."
RS: "Ow July den?"
G: "What??"
RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"
G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?
G: "Crisp will be fine."
RS : "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"
G: "What?"
RS:"An toes. July Sahn toes?"
G: "I don't think so."
RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."
RS: "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RS: "We bodder?"
G: "No...just put the bodder on the side."
RS: "Wad! ?"
G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
RS: "Copy?"
G: "Excuse me?"
RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"
G: "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy....rye??"
G: "Whatever you say."
RS: "Tenjewberrymuds."
G : "You're very welcome."
The 777 Hoax
future skeleton
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2005
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Three blondes are on an island, when suddenly, a genie appears and offers them each one wish.
The first one wished to be 10 percent smarter to get off the island, so she turned into a redhead and swam off.
The second one wished to be 25 percent smarter, so she turned into a brunette and built a raft.
The third one asked to be 100 percent smarter, so she turned into a man and walked across the bridge.
Haha, I love that one!
The first one wished to be 10 percent smarter to get off the island, so she turned into a redhead and swam off.
The second one wished to be 25 percent smarter, so she turned into a brunette and built a raft.
The third one asked to be 100 percent smarter, so she turned into a man and walked across the bridge.
Haha, I love that one!
Swiss Bezerker
Emperor
that joke is unrealistic. would they know what percent means 
?
?
happy_Alex
Happiness set to 11
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Ultima Dragoon
FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!
Ramius75 said:
That will be a good ice-breaker.
Cotton_Eyed_Joe
cookie monster
A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?''
"No," the farmer said.
The second beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?''
"No."
The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. ''Hello, my name is Chuck.''
The farmer shot Chuck.
"No," the farmer said.
The second beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?''
"No."
The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. ''Hello, my name is Chuck.''
The farmer shot Chuck.
The Condor
On an excellent adventure
Cotton_Eyed_Joe said:
That's awesome
! Great one Joe
!It has to do socalian with the rhyming and the farmer shot Chuck because it rhymed with ****
.Cotton_Eyed_Joe
cookie monster
A waiter asks a man, “May I take your order, sir?”
“Yes,” the man replies. “I’m just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your chickens?”
“Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they’re going to die
A blind man and his seeing eye dog walked into a store. When he gets in, he starts swinging his dog around. Upset by this, the manager of the store demanded to know what he was doing. The blind man calmly replied, "I'm just lookin' around."
“Yes,” the man replies. “I’m just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your chickens?”
“Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they’re going to die
A blind man and his seeing eye dog walked into a store. When he gets in, he starts swinging his dog around. Upset by this, the manager of the store demanded to know what he was doing. The blind man calmly replied, "I'm just lookin' around."
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