Pentium
Digital Matter
Well, it's just another pointless joke. I laughed when I heard it.C3CF said:
#~~ The HEhe HAha Joke Thread ~~#
- Thread starter Abaddon
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thats not a joke, hell its not even pointless. I give ya credit for thinking its funny, and 2 u it might have been, but it made no sense. None. Heres a similar one.
What the difference between an orange,
Buffaloes, cause ice cream has no bones.
What the difference between an orange,
Buffaloes, cause ice cream has no bones.
CoolioVonHoolio
Quit WoW, back to Civ.
i dont know if this has been said yet and i dont wanna read all the forum so:
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. "Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Well... are you religious?" He said yes.
I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?"
"Christian."
"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant ?
"Protestant."
"Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist"
"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God!"
"Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God!"
"Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"
He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"
I said, "Die, heretic scum", and pushed him off.
another one is:
so i was walking down the street and i see this HUGE pile. i look at it and think, wow! this looks like crap. hmm i get down on my knee hmm smells like crap too... i touch a little. feels like crap. gross. touch some to my tounge yuck! tastes like crap! well i was sure glad i didnt step in it!
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. "Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Well... are you religious?" He said yes.
I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?"
"Christian."
"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant ?
"Protestant."
"Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist"
"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God!"
"Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God!"
"Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"
He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"
I said, "Die, heretic scum", and pushed him off.
another one is:
so i was walking down the street and i see this HUGE pile. i look at it and think, wow! this looks like crap. hmm i get down on my knee hmm smells like crap too... i touch a little. feels like crap. gross. touch some to my tounge yuck! tastes like crap! well i was sure glad i didnt step in it!
Swiss Bezerker
Emperor
"Man who live in glass house change clothes in basement."
"He who stands on toilet is high on pot."
"America good place to put Chinese Restuarant."
"To make eggroll, push it."
"Man who run behind car get exhausted."
"Man who run in front of car get tired."
"He who stands on toilet is high on pot."
"America good place to put Chinese Restuarant."
"To make eggroll, push it."
"Man who run behind car get exhausted."
"Man who run in front of car get tired."
The Condor
On an excellent adventure
I got this one from Pulp Fiction (one of the greatest movies ever) but slightly changed it (can't remember the original but the same punchline):
There was this family of tomatoes: A dad tomato, a mom tomato, and a baby tomato. One day on their way to the local store while crossing the street the dad tomato couldn't help notice the baby tomato was lagging behind. So the dad tomato told the baby tomato to "ketchup"!
I know it is horrible (the one in the movie was a lot better) but it is still as far as I am concerned good
.
There was this family of tomatoes: A dad tomato, a mom tomato, and a baby tomato. One day on their way to the local store while crossing the street the dad tomato couldn't help notice the baby tomato was lagging behind. So the dad tomato told the baby tomato to "ketchup"!
I know it is horrible (the one in the movie was a lot better) but it is still as far as I am concerned good.
nonconformist
Miserable
I was in London the other day. As I came out of the Oxford Street station, I came upon a one-legged beggar. Now this guy had a card-boad placard saying "Falklands Veteran-Wounded In Action". Now I know we sent our brave boys over there against their will to defend from those Argentinian scum, and anyone who got wounded's alright by me.
I dug into my pocket, and I could only find a tenner.
So, because this poor guy had been so brave against those Argie creeps, I gave him the whole ten pounds.
At which point he mutters "Gracias".
This is a joke, and is actually quite contrary to my views, so all rhetoric and opinions are only for comedy value
I dug into my pocket, and I could only find a tenner.
So, because this poor guy had been so brave against those Argie creeps, I gave him the whole ten pounds.
At which point he mutters "Gracias".
This is a joke, and is actually quite contrary to my views, so all rhetoric and opinions are only for comedy value
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullcrap before.
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the
vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines
his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have
to put him down." "What?, Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because
he's really heavy"
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there
are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my
mum or my dad , or maybe my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother
Ho-Cha Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.
Especially for Noncom...
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the
vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines
his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have
to put him down." "What?, Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because
he's really heavy"
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there
are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my
mum or my dad , or maybe my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother
Ho-Cha Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.
Especially for Noncom...
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.
nonconformist
Miserable
Whomp said:
Yet you lost a bet about what I'd wear
I had no choice! I knew, but it was Ram's bet. Sophie and Feline didn't show and they were my bet.nonconformist said:
Yet you lost a bet about what I'd wear
While I'm here....
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a
fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
A three-legged dog walks into the Longbranch Saloon and says, "I'm
looking for the man who shot my paw."
nonconformist
Miserable
What do you call a woman juggling pints of lager? Beatrix!
nonconformist
Miserable
How do you sink an Irish submarine?
Knock on the door!
How do you sink an Irish submarine again?
Knock on the door, and wait forthe guy to open the door and tell you "I'm not falling for that one again!"
Knock on the door!
How do you sink an Irish submarine again?
Knock on the door, and wait forthe guy to open the door and tell you "I'm not falling for that one again!"
Cotton_Eyed_Joe
cookie monster
Heres a funny one but its a bit long
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
classical_hero
In whom I trust
What do you call Santa Claus if he goes down the chimney while lit?
Krisp Kringle.
Krisp Kringle.
Swiss Bezerker
Emperor
i was playing clue the other day...
person1)I suspect miss scarlet did with the lead pipe right here in the hallway
person2) thats disgusting!
person1)I suspect miss scarlet did with the lead pipe right here in the hallway
person2) thats disgusting!
Abaddon
Deity
An English,Irish and a Scottish man come across a magic lamp, they rub it and suddenly they are placed at the top of a slide along with a big blue genie. The genie tells them
"go down the slide calling out your wish, when you reach the bottom it will be granted"
So the Irish man jumps-
"WeeeEEeeeeeE!" he screams in delight as he goes down.
He lands in a vat of wee.
The English and Scot's man see this and double over laughing.
The Scot slips!
"Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiit!"
You can imagine what happened at the bottom there!
The english man thinks about it,
"BEEEEEEEEEEER!"
"go down the slide calling out your wish, when you reach the bottom it will be granted"
So the Irish man jumps-
"WeeeEEeeeeeE!" he screams in delight as he goes down.
He lands in a vat of wee.
The English and Scot's man see this and double over laughing.
The Scot slips!
"Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiit!"
You can imagine what happened at the bottom there!
The english man thinks about it,
"BEEEEEEEEEEER!"
Abaddon
Deity
yea, i think the names are swapped about depending where in the British Isles you are
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