WildWeazel
Going Dutch
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
#~~ The HEhe HAha Joke Thread ~~#
- Thread starter Abaddon
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To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
nonconformist
Miserable
Ah, but to the pragmatist, there is only half the wine there should be.
And the apatheist doesn't really care
happy_Alex
Happiness set to 11
Have you heard the latest on bird flu?
Apparently there's no tweetment.
Apparently there's no tweetment.
Arachnaphobia
Man alive!
What do you call a hundred women in a field full of vibrators?
Squatters.
Squatters.
Swiss Bezerker
Emperor
read my sig
Royal
Warlord
- Joined
- Oct 24, 2005
- Messages
- 191
May have been posted before.....but anyway here is a joke:
A German, English, and Polish man are sitting on a bridge they're building and are eating lunch. The German opens his lunch and sees sausage. "If I get sausage again I am going to jump of this bridge!" he claims. The British guy opens his lunch and sees he has tea and crumpets. "If I get this again I am going to jump off this bridge!" he too says. The Polish opens his lunchbox and sees perogis. "If I get perogis again I will jump off this bridge!" he also says.
Next day the three men are in the same spot for lunch. The German opens his lunch and sees sausage. He jumps off. The British guy sees his tea so he jumps off too. The Polish guy sees his perogis and jumps off.
At the funeral the three wives are together (for they were good friends). The German wife says "Oh, if he had only told me he didn't want sausage, I wouldn't have packed it for him...." The British wife says "Oh, if he had only told me he didn't want tea, I wouldn't have packed it for him...." The Polish wife then says "He packed his own lunch."
Sorry if its a little bad, but it isn't funny unless you put in someone.
A German, English, and Polish man are sitting on a bridge they're building and are eating lunch. The German opens his lunch and sees sausage. "If I get sausage again I am going to jump of this bridge!" he claims. The British guy opens his lunch and sees he has tea and crumpets. "If I get this again I am going to jump off this bridge!" he too says. The Polish opens his lunchbox and sees perogis. "If I get perogis again I will jump off this bridge!" he also says.
Next day the three men are in the same spot for lunch. The German opens his lunch and sees sausage. He jumps off. The British guy sees his tea so he jumps off too. The Polish guy sees his perogis and jumps off.
At the funeral the three wives are together (for they were good friends). The German wife says "Oh, if he had only told me he didn't want sausage, I wouldn't have packed it for him...." The British wife says "Oh, if he had only told me he didn't want tea, I wouldn't have packed it for him...." The Polish wife then says "He packed his own lunch."
Sorry if its a little bad, but it isn't funny unless you put in someone.
And now, a Hitler joke. I'm not afraid to make him the arse of this:
Hitler was walking along a pond and fell in the water. Trying desperately to swim, he floundered into deeper water. Fortunately, a teenager saw him and pulled the dictator out.
"You saved my life!" Hitler exclaimes. "Who are you?"
Realizing that SS troops were arriving, the teen said, "My name is - is - Abraham Messendelsohn, sir".
"A jew!" Hitler said with wonder. "No matter, you did say my life. What is one thing I can do to show my gratitude?"
"Just one thing", the boy replied. "Dear God, don't tell my father!"
Hitler was walking along a pond and fell in the water. Trying desperately to swim, he floundered into deeper water. Fortunately, a teenager saw him and pulled the dictator out.
"You saved my life!" Hitler exclaimes. "Who are you?"
Realizing that SS troops were arriving, the teen said, "My name is - is - Abraham Messendelsohn, sir".
"A jew!" Hitler said with wonder. "No matter, you did say my life. What is one thing I can do to show my gratitude?"
"Just one thing", the boy replied. "Dear God, don't tell my father!"
classical_hero
In whom I trust
What colour does a Smurf turn to when you choke him?
Sophie 378
Avvie by ybbor
What do you call a women who sets fire to the brown envelopes from her creditors?
Spoiler :
FriendlyFire
Codex WMDicanious
Spam email and directmarketing
Somehow they aways seem to "know" what type of spam to send to you. in my instance its a contnial barrage of credit card offers and loans. Its like they know about my fincial situation
my friend on the other hand keeps getting porn offers and is barraged with massive amounts of porn realted spam. he downloads a lot of porn we call him the "King". Its like the spam companies know
my other friend on the other hand keeps getting penies enlargment offers.
true story
Somehow they aways seem to "know" what type of spam to send to you. in my instance its a contnial barrage of credit card offers and loans. Its like they know about my fincial situation
my friend on the other hand keeps getting porn offers and is barraged with massive amounts of porn realted spam. he downloads a lot of porn we call him the "King". Its like the spam companies know
my other friend on the other hand keeps getting penies enlargment offers.
true story
Pentium
Digital Matter
What's the difference between a bird?
The bird has two legs, especially the left one.
The bird has two legs, especially the left one.
MattII
Prince
mimiruchi said:
Not really, you just have to know that the three groups are supposed to hate each other, so seeing them walk into a bar together is a joke (probably not a very good one, admittedly).
Ultima Dragoon
FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!
Pentium said:
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