#~~ The HEhe HAha Joke Thread ~~#

[Eran of Arcadia]

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"

I love that TV show.

 

[WerBackIII]

A woman's dish washer broke down one day, she called a repairman. She said, "Whatever you do, do not talk to the parrot."

Next day, the repairman let himself into the house, and started on the washer. What he saw was a lazy old mutt and a parrot. The parrot pestered him the entire time. At last, the repairman got tired of it, and yelled, "Shut up you mongrel!"

The parrot then chuckled and said, "Get him spike."

 

[Swedishguy]

Q: What does it say on the bottom of a Swedish swimming pool?
A: Don't dive deeper than this.

TAKE THAT, SWEDISHGUY!

Oh, yeah?

Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to screw a finnish?
A: None. They screw up themselves!

 

[Veritass]

Warning: this joke is racist, but it's racist against Americans, so it's OK.

Two Pakistani (or pick ethnicity of your choice) brothers immigrate to America. They go their separate ways, but before leaving, they make a bet with each other to see who can become "more American" in one year. They agree to meet back in their port of arrival one year later.

A year passes, and the two brothers meet again. The first brother says, "I must be the most American. My accent is almost gone. This morning, I got up and got into my Ford car and drove to Starbucks for coffee. Then I went to work at my job at Wal-Mart. I had lunch at McDonald's. Then I took my Texan girlfriend out to Hooters for ribs, before coming here to meet you. How could you be more American than that?"

The second brother looks at him and says, "F--- you, towel-head."

 

[Hitti-Litti]

Oh, yeah?

Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to screw a finnish?
A: None. They screw up themselves!

The war has started...

Two Swedish were digging a tunnel. First asked:"Where do I put this sand?"

Other one answered:"Dig another tunnel and put that in it!"

Q:Why there are Swedish people in Sweden and camels in Arabia?
A: Arabs got the first pick!

"Do you know how to save a drowning Swedish?"
"Ummm... no."
"Good!"

 

[stuge]

How do you sink a swedish submarine?

- By knocking on the hatch.

 

[Love]

How do you sink a finnish submarine?

- Screams its mummy and the dinner is ready

 

[Hitti-Litti]

Hmm... It is Hitti-Litti and stuge vs gandhi rules and Swedishguy...

WE NEED MORE FINNS! I'll draft some somewhere in the forum!

Q:What reads in the bottom of a Swedish beer bottle?
A: Opened on the other side!

Q:Why Jesus can't be born in Sweden?
A: There aren't three wise men in Sweden!

A Swedish man lighted a match to see is the candle still in fire.

 

[SuperBeaverInc.]

Q: How do you sink a Canadian sub?
A: Let the air out

 

[Olav]

Why does the Swede stand by the window during lightning?

He thinks he's being photographed!

I'll join the war on Finlands side

 

[Hitti-Litti]

Thanks Olav! We'll beat them any time soon!

Why Swedish people don't drink tea?
They are afraid that they choke on the teabags!

 

[Swedishguy]

How do you sink a swedish submarine?

- By knocking on the hatch.

Q: How do you sink a finnish sub?
A: Knock on it again. ''Do you think we're stupid, we won't blubb, blubb...''

 

[ArneHD]

Have you heard that Swedish policemen have begun to walk in threes? One can read, the second can write and the third likes to be with intelectuals.

 

[Hitti-Litti]

Thanks, Arne! Sweden will fall soon under our control!

Why Swedes eat soup with two hands?
The other hand is held under the fork so it will catch the dropping soup...

 

[SuperBeaverInc.]

A very angry woman stormed up to the window at the post office.

"Can I help you?" the postal worker asked her.

"I went out this morning," she said. "And when I came home, I found this card saying you guys tried to deliver a package, but no one was home."

"Yes, that's true," answered the postal worker

"Well, I'll have you know, my husband was home all morning!" she complained. "He says he never heard a thing!"

"I'm very sorry, ma'am," replied the worker. "Here's your parcel.

"Wonderful," exclaimed the woman. "We've been waiting for this for ages!"

"What is it?" he asked.

"MY husband's new hearing aid."

 

[cidknee]

Have you heard that Swedish policemen have begun to walk in threes? One can read, the second can write and the third likes to be with intelectuals.

ohhh thats bad...

An American, a Scot and a Canuk were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $100, we could return to the earth."

He continued, " So of course, I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $100, and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his."

 

[cidknee]

ok just had to post this one....sorry its not about fins or swedes...but its still funny!

Once upon a time in heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, on the seventh day, Micheal, the archangel, found him.

"Look, Micheal. Look what I've made. It's a planet. And I've put LIFE on it. It will be called Earth, and it will be a planet of balance."

"Balance?" asked Micheal, confused.

"For example," continued God. "Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while Southern Europe will be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over here a continent of black people. This one will be extremely hot and arid, while this one will be covered in ice."
Micheal, impressed by God's work, pointed at one landmass in the top corner and said, "What's that one?"

"Ah," said God. "That is Canada. The most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coastline. The people from Canada are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard working and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super-human, undefeatable ice hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."

"But what about the balance, God? The BALANCE?"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the loud mouthed bastards I'm putting UNDER them..."

 

[Hitti-Litti]

cidknee, just change Canada to Finland and UNDER to NEXT TO. That would offend either Russians or Swedes, maybe both!

 

[Veritass]

These two Finnish hunters were out in the woods and got lost. One hunter said, "I heard that if you get lost, you should shoot three times in the air as a signal to other people that you're in trouble." So he shoots three times in the air. They wait a while. He shoots three time in the air again. After several repetitions of this, he finally says, "I hope help comes soon. We're almost out of arrows."

--------------------

Later, these same hunters came across some tracks. One of them said they were bear tracks. The other said they were deer tracks. While they were arguing, the train ran them over.

--------------------

Two Swedish men (Sven and Ole) were building a house. Sven was hammering nails in a wall, but he would only use about half the nails. The rest he would throw on the ground. Ole asked what he was doing. Sven replied, "A lot of these nails have the head on the wrong end."

Ole yelled at him, "You idiot! Dose are da ones for da other side of the house."

---------------------

After they built the house, Sven and Ole went fishing at the local lake, where they rented a rowboat. They found a great spot and caught a ton (tonne) of fish, so Sven said, "We should remember this spot. I know! I will mark an 'X' on the side of the rowboat right here."

Ole replied, "You idiot! What if we don't get the same boat next time?"

 

[Love]

Ok, time for war

Why does finns take a ladder to the shop?
- Its too high prices

The finnish are driving me nuts evryday whith theyr retarding language and they are proud of to be the country whith trhosend lakes, HA! i bet sweden has more!