The LAMEST jokes you can think of...

[trada]

Which one of these is the funniest?

1. What do pirates drive while on land?
caAARGGHHSrs.

2. When do fish tell the time?
In winter!

3. What did the skater say to the astronaut?
I can do 360s better then the moon.

4. What did the tissue say to the curtain?
I'll blow the nose if the curtain you close.

 

[mitsho]

What's the pope's e-mail adress?
urbi@orbi

A little girl sits crying on the edge of the swimming pool. The pool keeper (?) approaches and tells her that the swimming pool is already full enough.

 

[Veritass]

Computer geek joke, funnier when Bill Clinton was president.

Q. When Bill Clinton was president, what was his e-mail address?
A. president@whitehouse.gov
Q. What was Hillary's e-mail address?
A. root@whitehouse.gov

 

[Irish Caesar]

What's the pope's e-mail adress?
urbi@orbi

I actually think that's a good one, at least not fitting in the lame thread...

 

[mitsho]

I'll thus move it

 

[classical_hero]

I do not get that joke by mitsho.

 

[mitsho]

urbi@orbi? That is the sentence (@=et)the Pope says every Easter in Rome. I do not remember the correct English term for it, but it's basically the wish for peace on Earth for the city (urbi) and the whole World (orbi). He does repeat it I think in every other language

mick

 

[ParadigmShifter]

What is purple and commutes?
An Abelian grape!

What do you call a man wearing a raincoat?
Mac!

What do you call a man wearing 2 raincoats?
Max!

What do you call a vicar on a motorcycle?
Rev!

What's purple and square?
An orange in disguise!

Yes, I did read 15 pages to see if any of those jokes had been cracked yet.

 

[Swedishguy]

My brother told me this very lame 'joke' this day.

He said: Jesus didn't die for nothing.
I said: Um, jaha?
When he starts singing the swedish "april fools song".

Admit that that was funny!

 

[LLXerxes]

Why did the Carthaginian stay in Jail?
He couldn't pay Baal!

What does the Roman do to the slave woman when she runs away?
Caesar!

What did the boy get from his girlfriend for his birthday!
Syphilus!

 

[nonconformist]

Swedishguy, please never ever post in this thread again.

 

[Veritass]

In honor of Easter:

Jesus was at a disco, and he was having a hard time dancing. Peter asked him what was the problem, and he said, "I've risen, and I can't get down!"


[Editor's note: For our non-American friends, this is a play on a classic American TV commercial where an old lady says, "I've fallen, and I can't get up!"]

 

[cthom]

another computer geek joke

3 men in a car driving through the desert. the car suddenly slows to a stop for no apparent reason. the first man, an electrical engineer, knowing about electrics suggests testing the spark plugs, ignition, etc to see if that fixes the problem. the second man, a chemical engineer, knowing about chemistry, suggest testing the fuel to see if that fixes the problem. the third man, a microsoft engineer, knowing nothing about anything suggests closing all the windows, getting out, getting back in again, then opening all the windows to see if that fixes the problem...

 

[mitsho]

Does that one really qualify as lame, cthom?

 

[Pentium]

It doesn't even qualify as a joke

 

[tommyommy]

Why did Jimmy fall off his bike? Because he got a fridge thrown at him.

 

[cthom]

Does that one really qualify as lame, cthom?

yes, it's a geek joke! ok, here's one that's lame because it's a schoolboy joke.
(hope i get away with this )

man and woman out for a walk, the man says 'my hands are very cold'. the woman says 'slip them between my thighs to warm them up'. the man is very happy...
later that night as they walk home the man says 'my hands are very cold again'. the woman says 'slip them between my thighs to warm them up'. the man is happy again...
that night in bed, the man says 'dear, my hands are cold again'. the woman says ' oh for goodness sake, do your ears never get cold?'

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

What's purple, round, and conquered the world?
Alexander the Grape!

Whaddaya get when you cross Lassie and a watermelon?
A melon-collie baby!

Whaddaya get when you cross Africa and Asia?
Sore feet.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from KFC.

Why did the road cross the chicken?
Because the construction workers were on a tight schedule.

A mother and her son are walking by a pet store. The son sees some budgies in the display window. He points to them and says, "Look mom, there are some canaries that aren't ripe yet!"

 

[Eran of Arcadia]

Some jokes that, if not funny per se, at least make sense in Spanish:

How do you change the gender of a donkey? You lock him in the closet until he gets bored!

What does Superman put on after a shower? His perfume!

Why doesn't the son of Superman like fighting? Because he is Little Superman!

 

[Swedishguy]

Swedishguy, please never ever post in this thread again.

Fine then.

Oh, and btw, please never ever post in this thread again, noncom.