The LAMEST jokes you can think of...

[Nightshade]

The neutron asked the proton, "Are you sure?"

The proton replied "Yes, I'm positive!"

 

[EddyG17]

the Neutron was drinking at a bar and then ask for the tab:
"what's my charge?"
"none" the bar tender said.

what's a guy doing with a clock and a knife in his hands?
Killing time!

 

[Iggy]

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?




To see his flat mate.

 

[Iggy]

A horse walks into a bar. The barman says, "Why the long face?"

 

[Thomo]

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle?

Nail it's other hand to the floor!

 

[Xi 12]

How do you put 10 dead baies in tuberware?


You use a blender.
How do you take them out of tuberware?


Nachos.

 

[Souron]

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear.
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair.
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, was 'e?

He was. He had fur.

 

[Pirate]

Originally posted by SuperBeaverInc.


Very funny Pirate. Definetly worth a chuckle.

Aww, thanks. That one came from my highschool biology teacher.

Now two from my gradeschool band teacher.


How do you call a saxa-man?
With a saxaphone.

How do you catch a clari-fish?
With a clarinet.




Yeah, the genes one was better.

 

[Achinz]

Reminds me of an old one:

How do you greet a germ?

With a microwave.

 

[RegentMan]

Knock knock



Who's there?



Low octane gas...

 

[Achinz]

A woman is like a piano - when she's not upright she's grand.

 

[Perfection]

Originally posted by Nightshade
The neutron asked the proton, "Are you sure?"

The proton replied "Yes, I'm positive!"

UH OH! Time to whip out the chemistry jokes!

You drop a white bear and a black bear into water, which one dissolves?

The white bear because it's polar!

Which has less energy steak or hamburger?

Hamburger because it's in a ground state.

 

[Pariah]

What's more nourishing: a hamburger or a shooting star?
- A shooting star is METEOR (meatier)!

What's the fastest thing in the World, and why?
- Milk, because its "past-ur-eyes" before you see it.

 

[Pariah]

Warning sign in a Middle-Earth restaurant:

GOBLIN YOUR FOOD IS BAD FOR YOUR ELF

Poster in a psychiatric ward:

YOU'RE NEVER ALONE WITH SCHIZOPHRENIA

Knock knock.
- Who's there?
Granny.
Knock knock.
- Who's there?
Granny.
Knock knock.
- Who's there?
Granny.
Knock knock.
- Who's there?
Granny.
Knock knock.
- Who's there?
Granny.
Knock knock.
- Who's there?
Granny.
Knock knock.
- Who's there?
Granny.
Knock knock.
- Who's there?
Granny.
Knock knock.
- Who's there?
Aunt.
- Aunt who?
Aren't you glad I got rid of all those grannies?!

 

[ASA Dragon]

Originally posted by Zoke0
This man wants to build his dog a dog house so he creates a plan and decides he needs 99 bricks. So he goes to the hardware store and asks the clerk, how much are bricks. The Clerk says "You can get 1 for five dolloars or 100 brick for 50 dollors." The man decides to get 100 bricks, because it is more economicaly wise (big word). As he's leaving how does he get rid of the brick?


He throws it over his shoulder!

Wait I'm not done.

This man is riding an airplane to boston next to this lady with a really loud rat dog. The man ask the lady to shut the dog up and she says she'll try. The dog doesn't shut up so the man says "If you don't make that dog shut up I'll start smoking!" The lady says "I can't, I'm sorry." So the guy lights up a cigerrette and the lady says "Can you please stop smoking, I have asthma." The guy says "I'll stop smoking whe you shut that dog up." The two keep arguing until the flight attendant comes up and asks 'What's the matter here?" Theguys says "This l;ady won't make that stupid dog shut up!" And the lady says "He won't stop smoking and I have asthma." So the flight attendant takes the cigerrette and the dog and throws them out the window. When the plane lands in Boston, what's on the Wing?



A brick!!!

A brick joke .... I haven't participated in one of those for a while.

 

[ASA Dragon]

A dog walks into a bar with a bandage on his foot. He goes up to the bartender and says " I'm looking for the man who shot my paw".

Two peanuts were walking down the street, one was assaulted.

Where do you get dragon milk from?

Short-legged cows.

Two clowns walk into a bar .... the third one ducked.

A tomato famliy was walking down the street, the mother tomato says to the child who is falling behind, "ketchup!"

 

[Xi 12]

You have a house, with windows on all sides, all windows face south. You see a bear, what color is it?

Someone take a guess.

 

[nonconformist]

A couple of packs of crisps are walking along a road. A truck stops, and the driver calls out
-Do you two want a lift?
the packs answer
-No thanks, we're Walkers!

 

[YNCS]

Originally posted by Xi 12
You have a house, with windows on all sides, all windows face south. You see a bear, what color is it?

Someone take a guess.

The bear is a white polar bear, because the only place in the world where all the windows could face south would be the North Pole.

 

[YNCS]

What's the difference between an elephant and a grape?

Grapes are purple.

What did Tarzan say when he say the elephants coming?

"Here come the elephants."

What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming?

"Here come the grapes." (Jane was color blind.)

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What do you call a 400 pound gorilla with a 2 foot long machete?

"Sir!"