The LAMEST jokes you can think of...

[The Person]

Q: What's yellow and dangerous?
A: Custard with a shark.

Q: What's yellow and lethal?
A: A banana with a machine gun.

Speaking of bananas, here's some more:

Q: What's yellow and goes up and down?
A: A banana in a lift.

Q: What yellow in the night and green in the day?
A: A banana which works as a cucumber.

Q: How do you know that a banana is swimming in the lake?
A: The peel lies on the shore.

Laughing at my own joke. Now that's lame (hint, hint).

 

[boobah]

i got the best banana joke yet!!
whats yellow????
a banana!!!
hahahhahahaha

 

[Iggy]

Two fish in a tank.
One fish says, “I’ll drive, you man the gun”

 

[Achinz]

More bananas:

Banana skins make the best slippers.

 

[Iggy]

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

 

[boobah]

why did the banana cross the road?
to get to the other side

why did the banana think it was a banana?
because it was a banana hahhahahahahahaha

 

[Pariah]

What's yellow & points north?
- A magnetic banana!

What's yellow & points west?
- A stupid magnetic banana!

What's bright yellow & grows in an apple tree?
- A confused banana!

 

[Goober]

These are funny because they are so lame - wait a sec - that is the point, isn't it? Hmm . . .

*ponders . . . *

 

[Goober]

Here is a terrible one:

How do you turn a calculator on? Wink at it . . .

That is more of a pun, but oh well . . .

 

[Vancouver 2010]

We only wanted lame jokes, not super-lame Math teacher jokes.

 

[Achinz]

Originally posted by RealGoober
Here is a terrible one:

How do you turn a calculator one? Wink at it . . .

That is more of a pun, but oh well . . .

Did you mean "one" or "on"?

In any case, I can turn the typo into a lame joke too:

How do you turn a calculator one?

When you've owned it for one year.

 

[Goober]

"on", not "one", yes, thanks Achinz

V2010 - But they are lame, right?

I have some others, but I first must go stuff my face full of homemade pizza . . . mmm . . . pizza . . .

 

[stratego]

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

 

[Manverulin]

Originally posted by stratego
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

 

[Goober]

The one about Ghandi is good.

Dang it, I need to find the time for my Lame Math Jokes, vol. II.

Bah, stupid time ging so fast . . .

 

[Pariah]

A rabbit dined every morning in a cafe, asking for coffee, corn flakes with milk, buttered toast & jam toast. One morning he didn't show up. Or the following morning. The cafe owner figured he must be ill.

A week later was Hallowe'en... and the ghost of the rabbit drifted in as night fell, asking for Dreaded Wheat instead of cornflakes.

"How did you die?" asked the owner.

The rabbit ghost replied: "I MIXED-A-MY-TOASTIES!"

 

[nonconformist]

A man walks into a bar, asks for crisps. He places them on his head and smashes them with his palm.
The next day the same man walks into the bar, and asks for another pack. He places those on his head and smashes them.
Next day same thing.
The next day he walks in. The bar manager, intrigued by this person decides to trick him.
The man asks for crisps, but the manager says "sorry we have none".
The man then asks for a pack of peanuts. He places them on his head, and smashes them. The manager asks "Why did you do that?".
the man answers "Well, you said you had no crisps....."

 

[Pirate]

A rabbit escapes from a drug testing lab and meets some wild rabbits on the outside. The wild rabbits show him all the green grass he can eat, all the gardens he can dig in, and all the fields in which he can hop free. The escaped rabbit is delighted to be free of his cage and eats the grass and digs in the garden and hops all around the fields.

After a long afternoon of romping the escaped rabbit turns around and starts heading back to the lab.

"Where are you going?" cry the wild bunnies.

The escaped rabbit answers, "You know guys, it's great out here, but I really need a cigarette!"

 

[Sims2789]

A funny joke, made up by my football coach:

Yo mama's so fat, I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.

A dumb one:

Yo mama's so fat, we make "yo mama" jokes about her!

Two things a pimp would say to a fellow pimp(these two invented by me):

Our hoes(prostitutes) are on our payroll, and we don't even pay 'em!

What they[the prostitutes] don't know is that they got a gold mine between their legs. The funny thing is, they do all the mineing and we keep all the gold!

 

[Sims2789]

If this was 20 years ago we'd have bigots telling "Dumb Polelock" jokes about Polish people.