The Llamast Jokes Thread... 3

[Catharsis]

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

Why did the alligator get cancelled?

Because of the allegations.

 

[dariusII]

Bah humbug! All these alligator jokes - what a croc!

 

[Uncle Sparky]

History is full of examples of things that happened long ago. - Cunk

 

[Kyriakos]

I actually find all these jokes painful ^^ And they remind me of:
(spoken by the elephant to the koala) "Your koalifications are irrelephant".

 

[dariusII]

More pain:

How do construction workers party?

They raise the roof!

 

[dariusII]

I used to work in search and rescue, which I always had a flare for.

I had a fantastic career making wedding bouquets, but I threw it away.

 

[Gori the Grey]

If you had an online hair-cutting business, you could call it e-clips.

How can you cut hair over the internet? I'm leaving that part of the business plan to you.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Why do pediatricians often yell at people?

They have little patients.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

My friend asked if I wanted to pet his cocker spaniel.

Spoiler :

I chose his spaniel

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Her: I'm not looking for anything serious, just a quick fling.

Him: Well, you'll be pleased to know I have a trebuchet in the back garden.

 

[Samson]

The impact of jokes in this thread can be measured on a sighsmograph.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

What kind of tree can you hide in your hand?

Spoiler :

A palm.

 

[Gori the Grey]

My marble likes to be appreciated for the kind of stone it is, so I try not to take it for granite.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

When I die, I plan to have a pecan tree planted over my grave. Then people can chew on my nuts for 100 years!

 

[Uncle Sparky]

The invisible man just married the invisible woman.
I have no idea what they saw in each other...

 

[Samson]

What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

 

[Samson]

A senior engineer with a perfectly stable 50k line Go lang backend walked into a bar. The bartender asked, "Rough day?"

The engineer sighed. "Rough year. Management just told us to rewrite it all in Rust, and to 'accelerate' the process, we have to use AI."

The bartender poured a triple. "Accelerate what? The inevitable career change?"

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I love ruining the plot of "Picture of Dorian Gray".
Never grows old!