The Llamast Jokes Thread... 3

[Uncle Sparky]

I can't wait for the sequel: 'The Picture of Gori the Grey'!

Oh! The horror!

 

[Uncle Sparky]

The way statistics work-

I interviewed 1000 people who played Russian Roulette.
100% of them survived.
Conclusion: Playing Russian Roulette is completely safe.

 

[<Nexus>]

I interviewed 1000 people who played Russian Roulette.
100% of them survived.

100% of them survived the interview?
Okay...

 

[Samson]

Somebody just threw a bottle of omega 3 capsules at me.

I only have super fish oil injuries but I'm lucky I wasn't krilled!

 

[bestbushcraft1]

Hm... Am I in a minority for not finding it to quite be worthy of an award?
Maybe "a posh trophy" could have been coupled with a pun (also) about trophies for enhanced effect.

Three deaf old ladies:

"It sure is windy."
"It's not Wednesday, it's Thursday."
"I'm thirsty too; let's stop somewhere for a drink."

 

[Uncle Sparky]

100% of them survived the interview?
Okay...

I did very thorough interviews!

 

[dariusII]

One of my brothers is an unemployed carpenter who is desperately looking for work. On Monday he finds out if he got the job installing door frames.

Everything hinges on it.

----------------

I hope he nails it.

----------------

I hope he doesn't screw up.

----------------

Or show up hammered.

----------------

That's, that's all I got.

----------------

Honest.

----------------

Totally on the level.

 

[Gori the Grey]

Let me be plane with you. If he doesn't get the job, he really needs to drill down on why employers don't want him (even if he finds that a wrenching experience).

 

[<Nexus>]

(Just read this on FB)

Why does the Norway navy have bar codes on the sides of their ships?

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian.

 

[dariusII]

When my therapist told me I was bipolar, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

When my therapist told me I was bipolar, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

I've been to the Arctic, but not the Antarctic.

 

[dariusII]

I've been to the Arctic, but not the Antarctic.

Ooh, that's cold.

 

[danjuno]

I saw a hot dog with wings fly past my house the other day. You never sausage a thing!

 

[Samson]

Viewing a fish tank produces a calming effect on your brain.

This is because of the indoor fins.

 

[tjs282]

Someone told me a joke the other day about living under the Heathrow flightpath, but it went right over my head.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I was at the grocers yesterday and a man threw cheese, yogurt, and butter at me..

How dairy!

 

[dariusII]

I was at the grocers yesterday and a man threw cheese, yogurt, and butter at me..

How dairy!

I hate dairy jokes!

Does that make me lactose intolerant?

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I hate dairy jokes!

Does that make me lactose intolerant?

You're going to milk that for all it's worth, aren't you?

 

[Gori the Grey]

It's not just dariusII, though. A lot of participants in this thread try to push jokes to a point that is udderly ridiculous.

It's as though they think they should just keep churning out puns.

 

[dariusII]

I never promised my puns would be any gouda. Edam if I did.