Who Would You Have As Your Evil Followers?

[CurtSibling]

Originally posted by Mikoyan
The divisions of my army:

Mikoyan, Your army = Totally top class!

My army has:

RoboStalin unit:
Huge lumbering humanoid robot. Powered by dangerous atomic isotopes and Stalins preserved brain. Leads undead Red army troops. Unstoppable!

Amazon assault troops:
Armed with bazookas, traditional stone clubs and dressed in cleverly placed bits of chainmail and cloth. Dedicated breeding farms make sure the Amazons have inexhaustable numbers! These lethal laides delight in destroying enemies in an orgy of death and devastation, sometimes just an orgy!

Air force of Steel:
I command this elite air corps personally.
Hundreds of Ju290 bombers armed with nuclear V2 missles pound enemy targets into radioactive debris. While I lead the Me109s,
the "Flying death circus of doom" to strafe and bomb the stunned enemy armies and anything that moves. Explode and reload!

Navy of accursed Iron:
Using German super-battleship blueprints of WW2 vintage I have upgraded thier design to fill my navy with a fleet of ninety deadly vessels. They are 235,000 ton behemoths armed with 20 pound guns capable of reducing enemy nations to smoking rubble in 8 hours!
Sailors are all fully trained marines also, each vessel able to send a vast amounts of these boys ashore for Normandy-style attacks!

A dictator must be ready for action ANYTIME, ANYWHERE!!

You never know when we attack,
Till you fall with a sword in your back!

 

[Mikoyan]

Rogue Corps: My elite assassin team, these men and women are masters of murdering, spying and trap building. They are clad in tight black leather, steel rivet studded armor and wear masks on their faces. The wield Ultra light Crossbows, Short Swords, and deadly Chu Ko Nu's.

Scout Corps: Light Cavalry who have received ocular implants to see better and further, they are clad in black chainmail and wield tridents and shortbows.

 

[FearlessLeader2]

Ah, well, if we're talking about our armed forces, I must admit to having no real army. I rule through a combination of uncertainty and assassination. Armies camping within my borders are slaughtered in the night by nigh-invisible assassins, drink from their canteens and suddenly fall to the ground writhing in agony, to die horribly. Armies camped on my borders fall ill to poisoned food, animal stampedes, and associated 'bad luck'. Not to mention the appropriate levels of adrenalin-surging terror brought about by my Ultimate Widget, which I use frequently and as often as I deem neccessary.

I leave the armies to those who can't build Ultimate Widgets, and I send my assassins after those who can.

 

[The Balrog]

Actually i dont need a army!! I can kill any one/thing as easy as i can crush a ant!!!!!!!! I have a spaceship the size of Jupiter!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHHAA*cough cough*hahaha! So bow your heads!!!

 

[FearlessLeader2]

Nice Ultimate widget. Very nice. I'd tell you what mine is, but sadly, my ninjas are already en-route to your location.

 

[Dexter]

Damn I'm crappin' my pants at the sound of some of these armies!!

But my army of secret Ninja's will keep me safe!! Dressed in the darkest clothes they slink silently through the night protecting my secret headquarters.

Though I have another branch of protection, army clothed gun weilding maniacs who help hide the fact that I have a secret army of ninja's protecting me!!

I shall control the world with my Japanese and Chinese Martial arts ninja's protecting me all the way!! Extreme loyalty and kamikaze tendensies will make them even more dangerous.

As for my overall army:

Liberators: Wearing light camouflage and Fidel Castro style caps they are trained in the art of Guerilla warfare. They strike quickly and hide in the lush greenery of my country. Armed with HK MP5SD5's they are the last hope if we are invaded.

First Mobile Regiment: They are the battering ram of my large army. Built up of small mobile tanks which are specifically made for my army. They also drive mobile jeeps with large machine guns fitted to thye back. They lead all our ground attacks on enemies.

SwanBird: This is my elite group of fighters and bombers. Our specifically made bombers are called Duckling G-8's and carry 600lbs bombs and are extremely accurate thanks to our electronic accuracy metre's which aid our pilots.
But the epitome of my airforce is my Swan 9-60's. Agile fighters capable of taking out the fastest jets in the world! They protect me when I'm flying in my Lear-Jet to meet other evil dictators.

I must stop now! My advisor (a pudgy multi-billionaire who created the very annoying internet servoice you're probably using right now!!) Well anyway he has advised me not to indulge any more information as it is jepordising my protection...

You didn't read nothin'!!! Forget everything!!

 

[CurtSibling]

Welcome to the evil council, Dexter!

Your forces are elite, obviously the product of cunning design and sound management!

Once your learjet is over my territory,
you will be of course under the protection of the ENEMY ACE
controlled SDI system, armed with atomic V2 missles.

My fellow despot's safety is my first priority,

Terrorising the world is my second!

 

[Shaolin]

Hippy Chicks, if i had to go off the poll, but personally I would have angry little people or midgets, whatever the politically correct term is. They can be terrifying, just watch Charlie in the Chocolate Factory, Wizard of Oz or the worse one is the movie Willow, ewww (shudder).

 

[Sixchan]

Divisions of my army:

Leather Torture Division: Headed by me, of course. Keeps all the other troops obedient and in line.

Silent Assassins: My assassins are of the highest quality, able to poison, maim, destroy, obliterate and generally kill whoever I want. Equipped with my customized style of trench coat for any circumstance.

Homicidal Spies: Do what the assasins do, but instead of killing the leader, they destroy the whole building.

CAHCCKOSWS!: My main offensive unit. With all my undercover operations, and as a full member of the Evil Council, I only need one attack unit. And since they are SO good-looking, most enemy troops would rater put down their weapons than hurt them. What a pity they prefer killing to men. BWHAHAHAHAHAH!

 

[King of England]

However, I did have something specific in mind. I'd just wear what my army wears, which is a grey trenchcoat (lotsa pockets inside, for a sidearm with silencer, grenades, extra ammo (also on belt), and yes, a switchblade for real desperate fights, id plaque for in case they die or are injured) over beige colored or dark brown khaki pants and a mixed black/navy blue shirt with a light bulletproof vest underneath. Of course, I'd probably arm myself with some sort of automatic rifle (which is the best for urban combat?), but wouln't obsess with it like that Bin Laden fellow over in the caves. It would be slung over my back. On the shoulders, I would simply have whatever insignia for my rank on a little strip of navy blue, but not medals like some dictators because it looks stupid. I'd also wear a gray hat, kinda like Itchy's hat when he's the priest who presides over Scratchy's wedding that he tosses like a frisbee to kill Scratchy and Mrs. Scratchy.

Wow! When it comes to military units, I'm severely outclassed!!

Amazon warriors, ninjas, knights of all sorts!

I was just planning on leaving the people to take matters into their own hands for the most part, everyone for themselves.
I'm too damn lazy to handle administrative matters, maybe a staff to keep me informed from time to time and make TV shows, as well as a court simply for show and to make myself look cool.

All I'd do is give each able citizen a decent rifle, and some training, and summon my militia when danger comes.

Each of them will be trained in guerrilla warfare, urban warfare, commando attacks, sniping, enduring horrible aerial bombings, etc. They can move around pretty quickly in any environment. They'll be able to cause a pain in the ass for any invaders, and the best part is, if another dictator wins, he'll have wasted his troops, equipment, money, Amazon warriors, for nothing, cuz all the militia and therefore all the citizens would be dead.

They'll be willing to fight for me because I'll be the only one providing them with good TV programming, and if I go there won't be any more good TV.

Oh yes, and if someone takes advantage of my generous mob rule and thinks he can get some power for himself, he'll have another thing coming for him...

Robot: "You have one mail package"
Pretender: "Hmm.. Let me see what it is... Hey, there's only white powder here..."

I may not be as fancy with my 'army' as my fellow 'dictators', but it'll be a nice deal for the citizens and me!!

 

[Sixchan]

Citizen Militia can be added to our troop register then.

Great idea, KoE!

 

[King of England]

Troop register?

Someone's writing this down?!

 

[adamsj]

This thread, I am sorry to have to say this, but is make me Sick!

I will not have Evil followers, If I had them, but I would have "Angels"!

 

[Sixchan]

Troop register?

Someone's writing this down?!

Of course! This thread is the register!

 

[Simon Darkshade]

Ah! I shall add my evil forces to the conglomerate!

Elite: Two corps of black clad Stormtroopers, equipped with BMP-30 armoured fighting vehicles, which carry chain gun, cannon, death ray, outer clothing removing gun, and anti tank missiles, T-234 MBTs, with 200mm guns, reactive Chogham armour, two external .50 cals, and 250mm SPA firing conventional, nuclear and chemical munitions, MLRS with 25 tubes, each rocket containing several hundred bomblets.
They have air support in the form of Super-Hind heavy attack choppers, Stealth helicopters with revolving Hellfire missile launchers and four coaxial chain guns, and F-126 ground attack jets, with plenty missiles and cannon capability. At the divisional level, there are special forces (see below), engineers, intelligence, and Intermediate Range Ballistic Missiles, (air defence comes in at lower levels), as well the divisional band, who play rousing Germanic and Russian tunes for morale, so the Sturmtruppen can gooschtepp inside their vehicles.

Ground Forces: The main units are the heavy armoured division, and the motor rifles division. There are some 3200 of the former, and 5800 of the latter. Added to this are the artillery of 2800 divisions, and 4000 mechanized infantry divisions. The elite Sturmrangers have 20 divisions, 250 Spetznaz divisions, and 25 Airborne Corps, each of 20 divisions.
Attached to each division is helicopter support as outlined above.
The Royal Guard consists of 10 extra heavy, elite divisions, and are held in reserve.

In addition, we have the parallel organization of the SS type organization, who are only known as the Teutonic Knights. There are some 4000 Waffen divisions available at present, with one being equipped with the experimental nuclear yo-yo. Every officer above the rank of Hauptmann must wear a monocle and a severe haircut, and have an aide named Hogan, whom they must yell for twice a day at the same time. There is also a rumoured organisation known as the Jerusalem Riders, but their role is yet unclear.
The "civilian" Polizei militia, under the auspices of General-Oberst Arkady Renko, can add another 6000 divisions to the strength of the armed forces, but are mostly employed in helping old ladies cross the road, and playing with schoolchildren for propaganda films.

Naval: The primary weapon of the Red Fleet is the 250 Carrier Battle Groups, each of which consists of a carrier, a Darkshade class Battleship(based on Iowa class, Bismarck and Yamato), two AEGIS cruisers (each with a Jack Ryan on board to shoot down nukes), four AEGIS destroyers, 6 frigates, 5 attack submarines, and various support craft.
Additionally, there is a U -Boat fleet of 2000 attack boats, and 1000 Red October class boomers.
A battle flotilla of 2500 Darkshade-classes and cruisers are also kept afloat.
Each carrier air wing consists of 250 aircraft, with varying roles.
Naval special forces, SEALS and SBS, number some 180 divisions, and all look like Charlie Sheen.

Air Force: Classified, but suffice it to say, there are rumoured to be almost 500000 combat aircraft in use, in addition to the bombers of SAC.

Strategic Rocket Forces: Some 1.2 million missiles, ranging from a simple SS-18 to the SS-350, known as the Planetbuster missile. Their motto:
"Megadeath with a smile"

 

[CurtSibling]

Originally posted by Simon Darkshade

"Megadeath with a smile"

How about Megadeth with smile!
Maybe not...

Another fine army for our alliance, Welcome aboard, simon!

 

[FearlessLeader2]

Whoa, whoa, whoa! This guy claims to have more ordinance than the US multiplied by NATO. Are we sure he's a real Evil Overlord, and not just some poseur? Worse, he could be an Evil Overlord from an alternate dimension, who conquered that one, and has come here to conquer us. I think the only thing we can safely do is launch an immediate sneak attack. My ninjas will be reporting back soon on their progress...

 

[Simon Darkshade]

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! This guy claims to have more ordinance than the US multiplied by NATO."

Yes, yes, that is quite correct.

"Are we sure he's a real Evil Overlord, and not just some poseur?"

Feel free to examine my credentials- my card, the entry in Who's Who, membership of the Evil Overlord Club in Soho (two doors down from the Hellfire Club. Can't miss it), demonic servitors, millions oppressed under my legions, my twice weekly radio slot spinning the hits of Evil Domination, and my fan club.

"Worse, he could be an Evil Overlord from an alternate dimension, who conquered that one,"

Now you are getting warmer. My interest in this world comes from two sources- the novel, but obscure computer game entitled "Civilization" (Hope I spelt that right), and chasing down and destroying an escaped ex-lawyer/criminal (In our world, lawyers were banned in 1876) named Klin Ton who fled from our wrath, stealing some of my cigars, which I don't realy want back anymore.

"and has come here to conquer us."

No, there are plenty of far more interesting worlds out there with far more charming character and ambience, and less problems. Sort of like Blackpool or Brighton compared to the Costa Brava or the Carribean.
And it would add to the administration backlog.
You should see the amount of paperwork I have to do before the morning beheadings.

"I think the only thing we can safely do is launch an immediate sneak attack."
Not really the smartest step to take, as the men are on maneuvers at the moment, and are quite ready. Besides, you have to find the wormhole first. And its hardly a surprise if one has prior warning.
Unlike Cousin Stalin, some of us can heed signals

"My ninjas will be reporting back soon on their progress..."

Please find attached to this post, your ninjas, lightly sauteed and served with a bearnaise sauce and truffle shavings, but otherwise unharmed.
They have a large amount of tourist literature and pamphlets for you in the black knapsacks, along with some local cuisine and memorabilia from the most enlightened of the evil dictatorships.
Bumper stickers like "I met the multiverses most Sensitive New Aged Evil Overlord and all I got was this sticker and a maniacal laugh" or "All We Are Saying Is Give Police a Chance"

 

[FearlessLeader2]

I must say, that is a damned fine Ultimate Widget you've got there. Are you taking resumes for Trusted Lieutenant? Perhaps an opening for a Mad Scientist who makes darn fine Ultimate Widgets? Maybe a temp job in the secretary pool?

I'll just go polish up my resume...

 

[CurtSibling]

Now I'll have no killing of ninja and messengers on my thread, gentlemen!

Simon, you should know the brain of your cousin powers my
huge stalin-battle robot!

My airforce commandos have been to this wormhole and found it
unstable...like me!

Anymore dictators out there!?