Day Five
Professor Askvaard counted up the votes and was displeased.
Professor Askvaard: "It seems that one of you has been inactive since last month. Why did you come to my party if you didn't want to have dinner and play a game?"
Neverwonagame: ".........."
Professor Askvaard: "Are you listening? I'm aware this sort of thing has happened before. And I have grown tired of it. Now you'll pay the awful price."
Professor Askvaard grabbed a heavy vase, and smashed Neverwonagame over the head with it, and dragged him away from the dinner guests.
Professor Askvaard: "Be right back, folks!"
And so the professor dragged Neverwonagame down the hall, and turned the corner. He passed a marble statue of himself, and dropped Neverwonagame onto the floor. Then he pushed the marble statue onto Neverwonagame, smashing him with several hundred pounds of solid rock, which broke apart on impact.
Professor Askvaard: "Take that!"
And the dragging continued. They passed several turns, and the Professor took them quickly, bashing Neverwonagame into the corner. He went up a flight of stairs, with Neverwonagame's head bouncing roughly off of each step. Then, he went down that same flight of stairs, hurling Neverwonagame down ahead of him. Then, he took out a set of keys and unlocked the basement, picked up Neverwonagame, and punched him in the face, sending him tumbling down yet another set of stairs, landing unconscious in the unfinished cement floor at the bottom, covered in roaches.
When Neverwonagame woke, he felt tiny pieces of cardboard raining down on him. There were jigsaw puzzle pieces of all kinds.... tens of thousands of them.
Professor Askvaard: "If you want to stay alive, you'll assemble all five puzzles. Otherwise, you go in my refrigerator of doom. THIRTY MINUTES....."
And Neverwonagame realized that this was the one time he really Neededtowinagame. So he worked furiously, assembling the first puzzle in only ten minutes.... but there just wasn't enough time, so he worked faster, and faster....
Professor Askvaard: "TWENTY MINUTES....."
And Neverwonagame quickly assembled the next puzzle.... it only took him five minutes this time.
Professor Askvaard: "FIFTEEN MINUTES....."
Working as fast as he could, he assembled the next puzzle. Two more to go. There was just enough time!
Professor Askvaard: "TEN MINUTES...."
Neverwonagame finished the fourth puzzle, scrambling for his life. The final puzzle would be much easier, since the pieces weren't all mixed together. He worked like a madman, and soon enough, the puzzle was almost finished.
Professor Askvaard: "FIVE MINUTES...."
There was still a piece missing. Neverwonagame looked all around, trying to locate the missing piece... but time was running out.
Professor Askvaard: "ONE MINUTE...."
Neverwonagame: "Where's the last piece?"
Professor Askvaard: "Oh, NOW you want to play a game, huh? Now you want to talk?"
Neverwonagame: "Please, give me a chance! I'm sorry! Just tell me where the last piece is!!!"
Professor Askvaard: "You want to know where it is? You want me to tell you?"
Neverwonagame: "Yes, yes! Please! I'll do anything!"
Professor Askvaard: "You really want to know? You've only got thirty seconds left to live...."
Neverwonagame:
*breaking down and crying* "Just tell me, please mister... I'm so sorry I went inactive in your game....
Professor Askvaard: "It's in your small intestine."
Neverwonagame: "WHAT???"
Professor Askvaard: "You remember that lovely piece of chicken you ate earlier? You remember how tasty it was? You said it wasn't very tasty at all, that it tasted like cardboard. Well, you were right. That was the final puzzle piece. Now, you must use
this jigsaw to cut your stomach open and retrieve the missing piece.... or you will die."
Neverwonagame:
"No....no.... that's not true.... this is impossible!"
Professor Askvaard: "Search your feelings, you KNOW it to be true..."
And so, Neverwonagame grabbed the jigsaw off of the nearby table and plugged it into the wall. He took the jigsaw and turned it on, and was just about to cut open his stomach when....
Professor Askvaard: "TIME'S UP!!!"
Neverwonagame: "Stay back, you madman! I'll cut you open with your own saw!"
Professor Askvaard: "Neverwonagame, you do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover your power. Join me, and I will complete your training. With our combined skills, we can end these destructive murders and bring the mafia to justice and bring order to the galaxy."
Neverwonagame: "I'll never join you!"
Professor Askvaard: "If you only knew the power of the town side. Methos never told you what happened to your father."
Neverwonagame: "He told me enough.... he told me YOU killed him."
Professor Askvaard: "No.....
I am your father."
Neverwonagame:
*cries of anguish* "Noooooooooooooo!!!!"
And, filled with the horror of knowing he was Professor Askvaard's son, he dropped the jigsaw and hurled himself into the refrigerator filled with flesh eating beetles, and willingly closed the door, locking himself in. Professor Askvaard watched and listened with delight as the beetles went to work, tearing the inactive dinner guest apart, in the most horrible death imaginable.
Professor Askvaard: "Hahaha! Hahaha! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"
___________
Back at the party....
___________
Professor Askvaard: "Sorry everyone. I had some business to take care of. Now, who did you decide was guilty?"
Darth Caesar: "They picked me. Bring on the noose!"
Crowd: "NOOSE! NOOSE! NOOSE! NOOSE!"
And so Professor Askvaard grabbed the prop noose from around Earthling's neck, releasing him from its grip and allowing him to breathe once more, and placed it down on Darth Caesar's neck.
Professor Askvaard: "Any last words?"
Darth Caesar: "Before I am lynched, I just want to say, I only have one regret. And that regret is being lynched. I'm INNOCENT, I'm innocent, oh please don't kill me.... don't, I'm too weak, please...."
Professor Askvaard: "I'm going to end this, once and for all!"
And so, the Professor gave the noose a good yank, to simulate lynching Darth Caesar.
Darth Caesar: "Urk! This is quite uncomfortable!"
Professor Askvaard: "Okay everyone. Let's find out if we've finally caught the murderers among us. Everyone take your places....."
"Alive" - (21/36)
Autolycus- SOUP
Jarrema- SOUP
Kennigit- SOUP
Nictel- SOUP
Renata- SOUP
robbiecon- SOUP
taillesskangaru- SOUP
Takhisis- SOUP
BSmith- CHICKEN
Mechaerik- CHICKEN
NarutoAvatarDBZ- CHICKEN
Romanichine- CHICKEN
Seon- CHICKEN
Winston Hughes- CHICKEN
Arakhor- BEEF
Camikaze- BEEF
Joecoolyo- BEEF
johnhughthom- BEEF
landlubber- BEEF
Save Ferris- BEEF
Yoshiegg737- BEEF
"Dead" - (14/36)
The Bake- BEEF
mgsmuhammed- BEEF
Bestrfcplayer- BEEF
GamezRule- SOUP
Skwink Caesar- CHICKEN
classical_hero- CHICKEN
Choxorn- SOUP
Red_Spy- CHICKEN
CivGeneral- CHICKEN
General Olaf- SOUP
Earthling- CHICKEN
Zack- BEEF
civplayah- SOUP
Darth Caesar- BEEF
Wrath of the party host - (1/36)
Neverwonagame3- CHICKEN
Begin Night Six
