A Teenager's Plead For Help
- Thread starter Caesar of Bread
- Start date
Chukchi Husky
Lone Wolf
I don't know how much this will help.
When I was 11 I was introduced to a small local nondenominational Christian group. They are incredible friendly and welcoming but as I got older I noticed that they would talk about things in a joking way but as they would continue to talk about those things they started to show what they thought about those things and how these things were really bad and had to be stopped. Sexuality and gender were one of those things. I had a sense that what they said wasn't right but I couldn't question them as I had no proof otherwise. The queers were just evil and out to get the children, it was science to them. When I was a teenager I wasn't so much asking questions about myself but having these thoughts that I knew I had to keep a secret. I thought for a while that I might be gay but it wasn't until last year and eventually finding out for myself what it's actually like that I finally discovered that I'm trans. I was 35. I knew there was something ever since I was a teenager but kept it a secret even to myself where the only way I could really express myself was in single player open world games where I could choose to play as a female character. Hiding it, keeping it a secret from everyone and to myself, trying to ignore it, even not even trying to find out what it's actually like.
You can try to ignore it but it won't go away. It will always be there. It will be really difficult to live with yourself. It will destroy yourself from the inside. You will even start hating yourself and you won't even know why. The only way to stop this is to find out who you are. Once you do, it will feel like a revelation, it will be emotional but it will feel like a large weight is lifted off from your life. Then there will be people who will make it as difficult as possible because they don't want to be inconvenience by knowing that people exist who don't fit into their worldview and will condemn you for it. I used to wonder why people who were queer would ever come out knowing how much of the world feels about them and that I thought these people were far braver then I am. Now I understand why and one thought that keeps coming back to me is that I really should've tried to find out who I am a lot sooner. Maybe my life wouldn't have gotten so bad.
Caesar of Bread
Trans Gordon Ramsay
Thank you. I have had feelings that I wanted to change my gender or sexuality.
Guard this until you understand your feelings better.
Caesar of Bread
Trans Gordon Ramsay
I'm the only one who knows about this besides you guys from the internet.
schlaufuchs
Break My Heart
Nah. Keep your head down till college, try to find fellow travelers (difficult perhaps, but definitely not impossible), but absolutely do not sacrifice yourself to fit in. You’ll be miserable AND you’ll regret it later in life.
Getting over a romantic connection is tough. You just gotta keep churning those legs and moving forward. Throw yourself into other things that interest you. It stings now, but it’ll pass with time. Trust this won’t be the last time in your life you’ll feel this way about someone. And, as I noted in the other threads, do try not to pour yourself too much into something you haven’t actually confirmed in future. Young love is pretty volatile, but remember none of the romance actually happened here, this is a bunch of weight you put on yourself absent her. Your feelings and desires were (as far as I know) never reciprocated or validated on her end. Just try not to get ahead of yourself next time.
Everyone loves the idea of having a Beatrice, but remember Dante died with his passions unrealized. She married and he lived his life hung up on a married woman he could never have.
It’s not something you can force. Just keep your mind open and keep on living. One helpful tip is to not think of gender or sexuality as essences. There is no underlying “true” nature for you to uncover. On the one hand that might seem scary; you’ll never really have an answer to “who am I?” but on the other hand it is very liberating. None of this is true absolutely, and any choice you make needn’t be for all time. If you want to be a girl you can simply be a girl. And, if after some time you realize you would rather be a boy or something else entirely that is valid too. Be safe, be careful with who you share yourself with, especially within a Catholic institution, but you should just try horsehocky and see what makes you happy. All the better if you never intend to stay in touch with any of these people post-high school.
happy to
my inbox is always open if you want to talk about anything
Caesar of Bread
Trans Gordon Ramsay
Thanks!
Oh. Well, I have had romantic ideas of other people, but she was the one I felt I truly wanted. So now I am stuck trying to find when I can set up a D&D meeting for my friends.
Yeah. I have had some ideas of being female (I once dressed up in my sisters clothes), and have had some romantic urges at times to people of my gender.
Thanks!happy to
my inbox is always open if you want to talk about anything
Lord of Elves
Suede-Denim Secret Police
- Joined
- Oct 31, 2009
- Messages
- 6,976
You sound impossibly cool. It's hard to go wrong with a pedigree like that. Don't stress yourself about it too much - like Kaitzilla said, it's actually often easier to make friends in high school than it is at other stages of life simply because you're all there but rather wouldn't be.
Narz
keeping it real
To play devil's advocate : Randos on the internet give me better advice than my mother 7 days a week.
Then again I'm not 13, I didn't grow up w so many influences, opinions & ideas coming @ me 24 hours a day, must be wild. But I think overall it's a good thing to be able to access ideas & opinions outside one's physical community/household, as long as it doesn't drive too much alienation/withdrawal from one's physical community.
Narz
keeping it real
Re : OP
My daughter is the same age as you. She's a super nerd, very obsessive, goes on & on about the lore of various games/shows/etc, she wants to be able to be a creator of stories not just a consumer but feels insecure about her abilities. I told her to take creative writing when she goes to high school in fall (she elected to goto virtual school for HS which I have mixed feelings about) but she's afraid she'll 'do badly' and 'get bad grades'. This is what I hate about school, it seems to reward people for right answers & discourage risk taking. But ideally creative writing is about effort & improvement, it's not like math where you need the right answers.
High school is weird, one of her best friends abandoned her & she doesn't know why (or maybe she does & doesn't want to share) so now it's just her & this one other girl. I'd like her to make more friends but she doesn't seem all hung up on it like I was when I felt socially isolated as a kid. Probably because she isn't bullied (afaik) & doesn't mind being 'weird'. Still, I think only having one close friend is too risky & limiting to one's personality & empathy development (the more people of various types you can be friends with the more different perspectives you can take on).
Anyway, don't mean to hijack your thread about teens entering HS in general but there's a lot of parallels w you guys (nerdy, not many friends, starting HS, also religious school altho she's leaving her Catholic middle school & going to secular HS). Re : her romantic inclinations, I have no idea, she kinda seems asexual to me, like she's still 10 or 11, which I suppose is easier to deal w as a father than if she was wearing makeup & talking about boys (or girls). It's hard to relate as she's so different than me because A : now is such a different time than 1993 when I was her age, B : she's a girl, C : her mom gives me 0 information about her life whatsoever & she's rarely goes deep about anything personal preferring to talk about her various obsessions (most recently this youtube series called the Magnus Archives & for over a year Five Nights @ Freddy's which I hope goes away soon
).
My daughter is the same age as you. She's a super nerd, very obsessive, goes on & on about the lore of various games/shows/etc, she wants to be able to be a creator of stories not just a consumer but feels insecure about her abilities. I told her to take creative writing when she goes to high school in fall (she elected to goto virtual school for HS which I have mixed feelings about) but she's afraid she'll 'do badly' and 'get bad grades'. This is what I hate about school, it seems to reward people for right answers & discourage risk taking. But ideally creative writing is about effort & improvement, it's not like math where you need the right answers.
High school is weird, one of her best friends abandoned her & she doesn't know why (or maybe she does & doesn't want to share) so now it's just her & this one other girl. I'd like her to make more friends but she doesn't seem all hung up on it like I was when I felt socially isolated as a kid. Probably because she isn't bullied (afaik) & doesn't mind being 'weird'. Still, I think only having one close friend is too risky & limiting to one's personality & empathy development (the more people of various types you can be friends with the more different perspectives you can take on).
Anyway, don't mean to hijack your thread about teens entering HS in general but there's a lot of parallels w you guys (nerdy, not many friends, starting HS, also religious school altho she's leaving her Catholic middle school & going to secular HS). Re : her romantic inclinations, I have no idea, she kinda seems asexual to me, like she's still 10 or 11, which I suppose is easier to deal w as a father than if she was wearing makeup & talking about boys (or girls). It's hard to relate as she's so different than me because A : now is such a different time than 1993 when I was her age, B : she's a girl, C : her mom gives me 0 information about her life whatsoever & she's rarely goes deep about anything personal preferring to talk about her various obsessions (most recently this youtube series called the Magnus Archives & for over a year Five Nights @ Freddy's which I hope goes away soon
).
Plains-Cow
Best Resource; Always Wins
Ever even question your religion? Have you considered converting to Islam?
Mm, at any rate a 13-year-old won't have much common ground with (on average) people 20-30 years older. Which is the group of OT regular posters ^^
I do remember being 13. I hope things work out as you wish them to, @Caesar of Bread .
I do remember being 13. I hope things work out as you wish them to, @Caesar of Bread .
Edmund Ironside
White Rabbit Object
Hopefully they have (Not sure if this was aimed at Narz or Caesarbread). Everyone should regularly question their religion (including atheists). Otherwise you may end up having built your house on sand.
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Plains-Cow
Best Resource; Always Wins
Directed at the OP but I guess Narz could comment on it too lolol
Angst
Rambling and inconsistent
it really, really depends on the parents.
i get the "listen to your parents" appeal, if they're loving and wise. but it really depends on them being loving and wise.
GoodEnoughForMe
n.m.s.s.
I haven’t really read the whole thread so I apologize if this has been covered but;
If people want to bully you they will find a reason to bully you (I say that as someone who was verbally and physically bullied all through middle, junior high, high school, and even college)
AND
When you are older you will regret every year you existed as someone you aren’t or tried to hide the person you actually are
If people want to bully you they will find a reason to bully you (I say that as someone who was verbally and physically bullied all through middle, junior high, high school, and even college)
AND
When you are older you will regret every year you existed as someone you aren’t or tried to hide the person you actually are
Let's not get into this "atheism is a religion" crap.
It isn't, so we have no need as a demographic to "question our religion". We don't have one (though individuals may, of course, explore whatever religious options that interest them).
Edmund Ironside
White Rabbit Object
Lol, how did I know you would react to this even though I if I considered atheism a religion I would not have added it in brackets ( as if i thought it a religion would not have needed to give it the extra mention)! I did think at the time I could have made it clearer, but I was like only 1 person on here is going to really care and what are the odds she will read my post and take it that way! But well here we are...Let's not get into this "atheism is a religion" crap.
I merely meant atheists should question their atheism, in the same manner that someone who is religious should question their religion. Of course you don't have to do this, it is just a suggestion, a personal opinion.
As for atheism being a religion, the only reason for me to pursue this argument is to piss off atheists, and pissing off people on purpose is not something I try to do. Pissing off people by accident, well that is just part of life!
I have been participating in this thread. And if you knew I'd be upset, why are you surprised at my reaction?
The OP is going to a Jesuit school, where there are presumably no atheists.
