All right, let's find out the REAL reasons....

[Pontiuth Pilate]

WARNING: this is a slightly humorous thread, at least, one would hope. Therefore if your satire gland is impaired please do not read any further. Headaches, weight gain, and even fatalities may result.

So everyone's wondering, "If WMD wasn't the answer, why DID we invade Iraq?" Yes we know Saddam was a brutal dictator and was overfond of croissants, but what was the REAL reason?

Let's do some group brainstorming here! Contribute your own theories. But remember, they have to be wacky and in a Letterman Top Ten format...

My own top 10 [you don't have to contribute 10 ]:

David Letterman's Top 10
REASONS WE INVADED IRAQ

No I'm not David Letterman. Please don't sue me for copyright infringement! Pretty please?

1. The French said not to. In sexy breathy voices! You know what that means...
2. The final decision to invade was reached by a 2/3 majority of the voices in Attorney General Ashcroft's head.
3. Saddam uses a Mac.
4. Oil! Oil, you fool! YEEEEEAAARGH!
5. It wasn't really an invasion, just a bad Hollywood action movie gone way over budget. Happens every year.
6. It was a slow news day! Whattaya gonna do?
7. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.
8. Osama 911 Saddam! Osama 911 Saddam! Osama...
9. Iraq was about to implement universal healthcare.
10. We couldn't wait to use our new moustache-seeking missile!

 

[Perfection]

11. To protect the freedoms of an oppressed people...

 

[Archer 007]

I see Perfection's satire gland is dead.

 

[Shadylookin]

12. so we could kill the british and blame it on friendly fire.
13. to test out our cool new military gadgets

 

[Archer 007]

14. Palace parties.

 

[Mrogreturns]

1.Because it was there.
2.Because it was still there a bit later on.
3.Because it was persistently and willfuly there and- dammit- how much of that sort of **** are we supposed to take?
4.I don't believe it- its still there!

 

[Benderino]

Because he tried to kill my pappy!

 

[Bozo Erectus]

15. Who cares? The important thing is, with all those dudes over in Iraq, it just means more babes for us here at home! And Bush lowered my taxes too! Gotta love this guy!

 

[Johann MacLeod]

15. for reasourses, not oil, but dirt, rocks, and scrubby grass all vital to our industrial economy (also the reason we invaded afganistan.)

 

[SeleucusNicator]

Ahem. You have to do this in Top 10 format, which means you need to propose 10 at a time numbered 1-10. (or 10-1, Lettermen goes from larger to smaller).

 

[cgannon64]

16. Because the Germans disagreed for once on a war, and we just had to take advantage of that chance.

 

[Norseone]

bah! a humerous thread needs no rules!

We invaded Iraq because Saddam had gotten copies of Bush's SAT scores!

 

[Torakami_Bltzen]

because sadaam messed with texas

 

[Marla_Singer]

From the less inspired to the craziest my poor brain was able to find :


17. Because a President needs outside ennemies to get elected.

18. Because he wanted to help the EU to find a reason to build up its own military.

19. Because he wanted to support the Californian wine industry.

20. Because Saddam is the secret son of Eva B. and Adolf H.

21. Because there's no oil on Mars.

22. Because, from a Texan, attacking Mexico would sound too gross.

23. Because it was a way to fight gays since Saddam is Chirac's secret lover.

24. Because Bush wanted to get some purebred arabic horses free for his ranch.

25. Because he wanted to support the cigarette industry with images of GI's smoking camels.

26. Because we're actually in the Matrix and it's a diversion from the architect to avoid us to find it out.

 

[Johann MacLeod]

17. it was on the axis of evil, next target for invasion: Dick Cheney.

 

[The Yankee]

17. He was being unpatriotic.
18. He voted for Gore.
19. You mean...that WASN'T Jacque Chirac? Oops...

 

[cgannon64]

Originally posted by Marla_Singer

19. Because he wanted to support the Californian wine industry.

Nice reference! (Unless I'm mistaken.

 

[The Yankee]

D'oh, got to renumber.

 

[h4ppy]

Originally posted by Marla_Singer

19. Because he wanted to support the Californian wine industry.

IF you mean the Whine Industry then you are correct.

 

[stratego]

Edit: Damn format.

1. Let's put this in biblical terms. Saddam will play Moses, since he looks like Moses with the beard. Bush will play God, since God came to Moses in terms of a burning Bush. Saddam's sons would be the people Moses led.
**God told Moses to bring his people out of Babylon to a land of Enduring Freedom. Moses said no, so God smight him. Now God's people will have eight days worth of oil instead of just one.