Synobun
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I suggest you try to find some girls that arn't in special ed.
She isn't, she's quite smart...
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She isn't, she's quite smart...
Bear in mind that d.highland's peer group is far younger than that of a lot of us.
There's two possibilities:
1) Either she's mentally unstable up there
2) She's attractive and sick of all the attention she's getting
I assume it isn't number one because I don't know why any man would be attracted to an unstable girl.
If it is two, then it isn't so bad.
First I'll throw in an analogy to let you know why she gives everyone ugly looks.
Imagine you were a huge body builder. You live in a big city and walk everywhere. All day long, every day, for years you get the same comments from people. Wouldn't that drive you crazy? I sure as hell know that if I had a quality that gets tons of attention I'd get annoyed at people with time also.
That said, attractive girls have a reputation of being ***chy. That's not their real personality. They are just tired of all the losers that shower them with the same boring attention.
Most guys are intimidated by beautiful women. So if someone went to talk to a girl who gave him the ugly look or attitude, he'd say "sorry I pissed you off," get embarrassed, and leave.
Uugh, how can she have respect for THAT guy?
First, never be apologetic about something that you don't feel the need to be apologetic for. Never.
Sure if you do something stupid that you did not intend, then yes, but if you have a goal, and it does not work, do not apologize to her if she gets pissed (for example, your goal is to talk to her, she gets pissed, and you apologize).
It gets kind of tiring to hear all these guys say, "you need to treat girls well and always be nice to them." What is even more tiring is guys confusing this philosophy as being a jerk.
What I'm saying is that you need the confidence to know that her judgments and thoughts have no affect on you. Therefore - challenge her. THIS is how you gain respect with her.
You've gotta love her little confrontations. And learn to love them and not be intimidated.
Go up to her and start a neutral conversation with her. Do not be boring. Girls love witty guys. (That's a whole different area of conversation which I won't go into.)
Anyways, you can go up to her and ask her an opinion question about something.
If she says something ***chy like, "do I look like I care?!" you need not run away like a little girl but you need to be a man about it.
Say something challenging that reframes what she said. Say, "you looked like an opinionated girl, looks like I was wrong."
Of course, this is a VERY specific example and there is very little chance that it would work like that, but it's a good example at how you should handle yourself.
The most important thing is to have relaxed body language. Like you don't give a crap how she reacts. The more unaffected you seem the more she will respect you.
If she starts getting weird let her know that her trying to be intimidating has always worked, but that's only because she hasn't met her match.
I'd love that. And given the description you gave, you SHOULD let her know that her little intimidation tricks have always worked because of that, but that you are different (don't verbalize you are different, just tell her that it's because she hasn't met her match).
The more she pushes, the more you have to push. If she senses a wussy behavior from you, she'll blow you off like the rest of the losers.
Therefore, love the confrontation. Be relaxed, challenge her. She would not expect that. And she will respect you for it.
The reason why a lot of guys don't like challenging girls like that is because they have a GUY mentality. They think that challenging a girl is the same as challenging a guy. TOTALLY different things. Guys and girls brains are wired in a totally different way, and it is our ignorance and self-absorption that makes us think that girls will respond the same way guys do when being challenged.
Try it.
Then be the FIRST to end the interaction, and freeze out on her. Unless she really is mentally unstable, you'll love your results.
I'd frankly LOVE to have a confrontation with such a girl. Once you develop the mindset that you love confrontations, you'd be bored with the lack of it.
[EDIT] PS: Don't skim through this post. Read it a few times until you know exactly what I'm saying. If you don't get why I'm saying something, ask...
Actually to tell you the truth I know a few girls like that. I'll talk about only one though...
Before I knew how to handle girls I was baffled by their behavior. I was like, "hell, she's like that. I can't do a thing about it. She's not approachable." Actually I used to avoid confrontations with such girls as much as possible because each time I'd get burned! And it was no fun at all because I had no idea how to change that. I actually didn't even think it was possible to change it.
But the guys who figured out how to change this had balls. They pushed more than the girl pushed back, and they got rewarded.
And you know what? When you get to know these girls, they are alright! They are fun, smart, and interesting.
Initially they may seem weird, but once you break past their defensive barriers by not being a wuss, you'll get rewarded.
Before I knew how to handle girls I was baffled by their behavior. I was like, "hell, she's like that. I can't do a thing about it. She's not approachable." Actually I used to avoid confrontations with such girls as much as possible because each time I'd get burned! And it was no fun at all because I had no idea how to change that. I actually didn't even think it was possible to change it.
But the guys who figured out how to change this had balls. They pushed more than the girl pushed back, and they got rewarded.
And you know what? When you get to know these girls, they are alright! They are fun, smart, and interesting.
Initially they may seem weird, but once you break past their defensive barriers by not being a wuss, you'll get rewarded.
Synobun
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Yes
There's two possibilities:
1) Either she's mentally unstable up there
2) She's attractive and sick of all the attention she's getting
I assume it isn't number one because I don't know why any man would be attracted to an unstable girl.
If it is two, then it isn't so bad.
First I'll throw in an analogy to let you know why she gives everyone ugly looks.
Imagine you were a huge body builder. You live in a big city and walk everywhere. All day long, every day, for years you get the same comments from people. Wouldn't that drive you crazy? I sure as hell know that if I had a quality that gets tons of attention I'd get annoyed at people with time also.
That said, attractive girls have a reputation of being ***chy. That's not their real personality. They are just tired of all the losers that shower them with the same boring attention.
Most guys are intimidated by beautiful women. So if someone went to talk to a girl who gave him the ugly look or attitude, he'd say "sorry I pissed you off," get embarrassed, and leave.
Uugh, how can she have respect for THAT guy?
First, never be apologetic about something that you don't feel the need to be apologetic for. Never.
Sure if you do something stupid that you did not intend, then yes, but if you have a goal, and it does not work, do not apologize to her if she gets pissed (for example, your goal is to talk to her, she gets pissed, and you apologize).
It gets kind of tiring to hear all these guys say, "you need to treat girls well and always be nice to them." What is even more tiring is guys confusing this philosophy as being a jerk.
What I'm saying is that you need the confidence to know that her judgments and thoughts have no affect on you. Therefore - challenge her. THIS is how you gain respect with her.
You've gotta love her little confrontations. And learn to love them and not be intimidated.
Go up to her and start a neutral conversation with her. Do not be boring. Girls love witty guys. (That's a whole different area of conversation which I won't go into.)
Anyways, you can go up to her and ask her an opinion question about something.
If she says something ***chy like, "do I look like I care?!" you need not run away like a little girl but you need to be a man about it.
Say something challenging that reframes what she said. Say, "you looked like an opinionated girl, looks like I was wrong."
Of course, this is a VERY specific example and there is very little chance that it would work like that, but it's a good example at how you should handle yourself.
The most important thing is to have relaxed body language. Like you don't give a crap how she reacts. The more unaffected you seem the more she will respect you.
If she starts getting weird let her know that her trying to be intimidating has always worked, but that's only because she hasn't met her match.
I'd love that. And given the description you gave, you SHOULD let her know that her little intimidation tricks have always worked because of that, but that you are different (don't verbalize you are different, just tell her that it's because she hasn't met her match).
The more she pushes, the more you have to push. If she senses a wussy behavior from you, she'll blow you off like the rest of the losers.
Therefore, love the confrontation. Be relaxed, challenge her. She would not expect that. And she will respect you for it.
The reason why a lot of guys don't like challenging girls like that is because they have a GUY mentality. They think that challenging a girl is the same as challenging a guy. TOTALLY different things. Guys and girls brains are wired in a totally different way, and it is our ignorance and self-absorption that makes us think that girls will respond the same way guys do when being challenged.
Try it.
Then be the FIRST to end the interaction, and freeze out on her. Unless she really is mentally unstable, you'll love your results.
I'd frankly LOVE to have a confrontation with such a girl. Once you develop the mindset that you love confrontations, you'd be bored with the lack of it.
[EDIT] PS: Don't skim through this post. Read it a few times until you know exactly what I'm saying. If you don't get why I'm saying something, ask...
Wow, now that is useful.
As for the 1) and 2), she is neither. She rarely gets attention from guys.
As for your advice, it sounds good!
Just some things:
Whenever I talk to her, I get nervous and have weird posture, since I think she'll go berserk (as i've seen her do with other guys).
One day, she put on non matching shoes, and I said, "Those shoes don't really match." And she replied, "Does it look like I care?" Which is what you said in the post.
Another day, I told her that if I give her answers, that she uses them, because they are always right, she actually nodded to this, but didn't say anything.
That's all I can remember
So, do you have any ideas whatsoever on what to even say to her? I mean, there is almost nothing interesting in my town...
Wow, now that is useful.
As for the 1) and 2), she is neither. She rarely gets attention from guys.
As for your advice, it sounds good!
Just some things:
Whenever I talk to her, I get nervous and have weird posture, since I think she'll go berserk (as i've seen her do with other guys).
One day, she put on non matching shoes, and I said, "Those shoes don't really match." And she replied, "Does it look like I care?" Which is what you said in the post.
Another day, I told her that if I give her answers, that she uses them, because they are always right, she actually nodded to this, but didn't say anything.
That's all I can remember
So, do you have any ideas whatsoever on what to even say to her? I mean, there is almost nothing interesting in my town...
Okay, good stuff.
Yes, there are also girls that don't get a lot of attention that are still like that. The reason? They've figured out that the way they respond to guys gives them POWER because most guys freak out. They love it.
ANYWAY, there's a law unwritten in the universe that says the less you care about what someone thinks, the more success you'll have (with women particularly) because you won't be as self-conscious. It's a fact. Get in the area of dating in general with a careless "I don't give a crap what happens" attitude. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be effective in how you present yourself, but put as little pressure on yourself about what others think of you.
And this is what it's all about: Get rid of being self-conscious. (To do that, do something that breaks your norm of behavior every day. You'll grow a lot from doing what you're typically afraid of - but start small.)
I've got to applaud you on noticing her shoes and telling her that line. In fact, when you approach girls, I advise you to pick one thing you don't like about her and point it out. That should be easily fixable though, so you don't come off as a JERK. Don't say "You've a big nose," or "Your right eye is crooked." No one got anywhere with insults.
However when she said "Does it look like I care?" I bet you didn't have a good comeback. That's okay.
But do remember that the third response (aka the "bounce-back") is most important. (What I mean is that what you say to her first doesn't matter much, but it helps. Then the second response is what she says, and the third response which is made by you is most valuable - the "bounce-back.")
I love talking about this because me giving you specifics will almost never help you. Instead, there is what comes close to an algorithm in conversation. For example, instead of making your brain concentrate on finding something to respond with, you need to have your algorithm down in this area of how you should respond to every statement someone makes.
That's why some guys are considered "witty." Because they can come up with killer responses in nanoseconds.
For example, if she says something aggressive to you that you consider intimidating and totally uncalled for, your brain should go directly to the cause of why she said that. For example the assumption that she doesn't get out much in social environments (it doesn't really matter if it's true or not - you need to be sarcastic and playful in order to challenge her).
It's really all about how you organize your thoughts.
If she says to you "Grow up!" You'll probably spend time thinking for a comeback (and that takes a while). But if you have your thoughts organized you'll quickly come up with the response of, "I'll just take my time with that!" or something that shows her she hasn't got you by the balls.
That's being witty.
PS: Don't tell her you'll give her anything. To her that speaks that you are trying to win her over, which places power in her hands. Tell her she has to work for that (literally and figuratively).
Making her respect you and see you as different and unaffected from the other guys takes time, but it's not all that bad. Start with very short interactions with her. With each interaction, you should signal to her (by challenging her) that you are not really affected by what she says. That takes all the power away from her hands - leading her to pursue you because girls want to be appreciated. When she sees that her tricks don't work with some guys, she'll do what it takes to make it work... voilla! You've the power now. And the tables have turned. Can't repeat enough how many times this has happened.
PS: Keep VERY strong eye-contact with each interaction. Lock eyes with her and do your thing, while being as relaxed as possible (that takes practice though). You'll become better with more approaches like that.
Synobun
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Okay, good stuff.
Yes, there are also girls that don't get a lot of attention that are still like that. The reason? They've figured out that the way they respond to guys gives them POWER because most guys freak out. They love it.
ANYWAY, there's a law unwritten in the universe that says the less you care about what someone thinks, the more success you'll have (with women particularly) because you won't be as self-conscious. It's a fact. Get in the area of dating in general with a careless "I don't give a crap what happens" attitude. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be effective in how you present yourself, but put as little pressure on yourself about what others think of you.
And this is what it's all about: Get rid of being self-conscious. (To do that, do something that breaks your norm of behavior every day. You'll grow a lot from doing what you're typically afraid of - but start small.)
I've got to applaud you on noticing her shoes and telling her that line. In fact, when you approach girls, I advise you to pick one thing you don't like about her and point it out. That should be easily fixable though, so you don't come off as a JERK. Don't say "You've a big nose," or "Your right eye is crooked." No one got anywhere with insults.
However when she said "Does it look like I care?" I bet you didn't have a good comeback. That's okay.
But do remember that the third response (aka the "bounce-back") is most important. (What I mean is that what you say to her first doesn't matter much, but it helps. Then the second response is what she says, and the third response which is made by you is most valuable - the "bounce-back.")
I love talking about this because me giving you specifics will almost never help you. Instead, there is what comes close to an algorithm in conversation. For example, instead of making your brain concentrate on finding something to respond with, you need to have your algorithm down in this area of how you should respond to every statement someone makes.
That's why some guys are considered "witty." Because they can come up with killer responses in nanoseconds.
For example, if she says something aggressive to you that you consider intimidating and totally uncalled for, your brain should go directly to the cause of why she said that. For example the assumption that she doesn't get out much in social environments (it doesn't really matter if it's true or not - you need to be sarcastic and playful in order to challenge her).
It's really all about how you organize your thoughts.
If she says to you "Grow up!" You'll probably spend time thinking for a comeback (and that takes a while). But if you have your thoughts organized you'll quickly come up with the response of, "I'll just take my time with that!" or something that shows her she hasn't got you by the balls.
That's being witty.
PS: Don't tell her you'll give her anything. To her that speaks that you are trying to win her over, which places power in her hands. Tell her she has to work for that (literally and figuratively).
Making her respect you and see you as different and unaffected from the other guys takes time, but it's not all that bad. Start with very short interactions with her. With each interaction, you should signal to her (by challenging her) that you are not really affected by what she says. That takes all the power away from her hands - leading her to pursue you because girls want to be appreciated. When she sees that her tricks don't work with some guys, she'll do what it takes to make it work... voilla! You've the power now. And the tables have turned. Can't repeat enough how many times this has happened.
Ahh, that gave me another thing to mention. She's told me to grow up before, and yes, as you thought, I didn't know what to say. Along with "Does it look like I care?" question
. That is quite informative what you have just wrote... Does it help any if I get her friends on my side, or atleast some of them?
Ahh, that gave me another thing to mention. She's told me to grow up before, and yes, as you thought, I didn't know what to say. Along with "Does it look like I care?" question
That is quite informative what you have just wrote... Does it help any if I get her friends on my side, or atleast some of them?
Of course! It actually helps a lot.
And if I see a girl I'm interested in I'll make friends with her friends first. That'll get her curious about me.
This leaves a huge opening for me to do my own thing and get her even more interested up until the point she starts ignoring her friends and starts following me everywhere. Practice, practice, practice.
PS even though what I'm saying can be extremely effective, I don't really condone using people or breaking their hearts on purpose. . . Because that's also easy to do. And yes, there are freaks out there who do that because they've got something against girls in general.
Synobun
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Of course! It actually helps a lot.
And if I see a girl I'm interested in I'll make friends with her friends first. That'll get her curious about me.
Practice, practice, practice.
PS even though what I'm saying can be extremely effective, I don't really condone using people or breaking their hearts on purpose. . . Because that's also easy to do. And yes, there are freaks out there who do that because they've got something against girls in general.
Well, i'm friends with... 2 of her friends. Another one not really a friend, and another which hates me.
Any tips on how to overcome nervousness?
Can't overcome nervousness overnight, but the more you do what you're afraid of, the better off you'll be. It's hard to face it, but unless you face it and get your hands dirty, you won't get any better. So that's the thing I was saying about doing something you are usually afraid of doing every day. You'll become much more confident and with time people will wonder what the hell happened to you. And that's good, because people respect growth. You can't do it unless you challange yourself in doing exactly that which makes you nervous.
So as soon as you start getting that tingle in your stomach about something, take the plunge to uncertainty. Almost always you'll come out loving the fact that you grabbed your fear and pulled through. Because fear is "an immagined negative outcome that is almost never realized" (especially when it comes to social interactions).
You've nothing to lose and everything to gain in those social interactions. The brain just confuses us way too much in terms of what we can expect.
Synobun
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Can't overcome nervousness overnight, but the more you do what you're afraid of, the better off you'll be. It's hard to face it, but unless you face it and get your hands dirty, you won't get any better. So that's the thing I was saying about doing something you are usually afraid of doing every day. You'll become much more confident and with time people will wonder what the hell happened to you. And that's good, because people respect growth. You can't do it unless you challange yourself in doing exactly that which makes you nervous.
So as soon as you start getting that tingle in your stomach about something, take the plunge to uncertainty. Almost always you'll come out loving the fact that you grabbed your fear and pulled through. Because fear is "an immagined negative outcome that is almost never realized" (especially when it comes to social interactions).
One time I battled my fear and I got bombarded by 200 girls
Okay, anyways. I'll try to do what you said, hopefully it works *crosses fingers*
If this means anything:
I am the most developed in my school. I am the only one with a mustache and very hairy legs
TheBladeRoden
Deity
This foe is beyond me.
Synobun
Deity
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I asked out some popular chick and when she said no, I went outside during break and all her friends surrounded me, closed me in, and almost ate me for lunch
I asked out some popular chick and when she said no, I went outside during break and all her friends surrounded me, closed me in, and almost ate me for lunch
Haha, yes that used to by my fear that asking a girl out and getting rejected would make people view me differently. People are more concerned about themselves so no matter how much you think they judge you, it's not as bad as you think.
That said, they wanted to have some fun... not that their opinion of you has been destroyed.
Synobun
Deity
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That was no worry, because i've patched it up with 3 of them, and the popular chick left! Woohoo!
Anyways, I've been attempting to get a girlfriend for... 1.. 2.. 3.. yeah, 3 years now. All the ones which ask me out I don't like
Kozmos
Jew Detective
Hmm girls and boyz. Often the situation will turn into trench warfare, both sides are taking heavy losses and no one advances. That is until one sides invents tanks and Close Air Support.
TheBladeRoden
Deity
then a century down the line tanks and close air support become obsolete and the boys and girls will have to slug it out on foot again
Junglecutter
Honorable Delegate
Where ultimately it all comes down to wether the bayonets the girls or boys use are sharp enough
azzaman333
meh
How important is 'small talk' when talking to girls?
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