CaterpillarKing
Conqueror of Cacoons
Well i got a settler there and I said "meh". I also did not want to lose my settler to barbarians.
Babylon: Rise of a Dictatorship
- Thread starter CaterpillarKing
- Start date
Well i got a settler there and I said "meh". I also did not want to lose my settler to barbarians.
CaterpillarKing
Conqueror of Cacoons
Finally we Babylonians perfected working with copper. This brought us out of the stone age into the light of the bronze age. Finally Babylon could enslave dissidents mine copper to create stronger armies. The national news again proclaimed Babylon as the most powerful nation on Earth and Caterpillar as the most handsome, fair, and charismatic king of them all. In a 100% voter turnout and majority of 100% Caterpillar was elected as man of the millennium.
To the South of Babylon was a group of angry bears. Theorists theorized that it was because they could not become citizens of the glorious empire. The bears were left alone because their sadness would not stop with death, they would only continue to long to be humans so they could live with Caterpillar as their leader.
To the East some Iroquois warriors awaited to see the magnificence of Babylon. They would wait in vain as they were inferior to all Babylonians. Unfortunately, the mere presence of inferior humans caused the city of Babylon to experience some unhappy citizens as just being near them caused some citizens to get hives. They were nicely asked with spears at their heads to leave and they quickly agreed.
Silly bears. The bears thought that if they attacked humans and took their flesh they too would become humans. Since this would have required the warriors of Babylon dying they could not allow this. The bears attacked the very strong and well-trained troops and were very quickly slaughtered. A short moment of silence was held because they only wanted to become Babylonians, but then warriors were cold o they skinned and wore the animals.
After years of researching and studying, the Babylonians finally figured out how to mold Iron into an actually useful form, not just lumps to throw at jealous bears. This iron working would be vital to be able to work the lands that were covered in jungle as until now they were useless. Also, this ushered Babylon into the classical era. This is when all that music by Mozart and Beethoven came out. That's what Caterpillar said at least, and there is no way he is wrong.
With the ushering of the Classical Era a scientist among many rose up the ranks. He apparently had big plans. Plans to have an academy built and for him to teach there and for pupils to be filled with the knowledge of Babylon's greatness. Oh and math and stuff like that. The scientist then gladly decided to work for the state with absolutely no pay and the chance to never see his family again. Babylon really has the best citizens in the world.
Finally that rice near Caterpillarton was of some use. The workers were tasked with clearing the jungles and then building rice fields so that the city can grow and the Great Wall can be built faster. This would be vital in making sure infidels stay away from our wonderful empire. This growing power was case and point of the amazing strength of Babylon and how it would never end.
Spoiler :
To the South of Babylon was a group of angry bears. Theorists theorized that it was because they could not become citizens of the glorious empire. The bears were left alone because their sadness would not stop with death, they would only continue to long to be humans so they could live with Caterpillar as their leader.
Spoiler :
To the East some Iroquois warriors awaited to see the magnificence of Babylon. They would wait in vain as they were inferior to all Babylonians. Unfortunately, the mere presence of inferior humans caused the city of Babylon to experience some unhappy citizens as just being near them caused some citizens to get hives. They were nicely asked with spears at their heads to leave and they quickly agreed.
Spoiler :
Silly bears. The bears thought that if they attacked humans and took their flesh they too would become humans. Since this would have required the warriors of Babylon dying they could not allow this. The bears attacked the very strong and well-trained troops and were very quickly slaughtered. A short moment of silence was held because they only wanted to become Babylonians, but then warriors were cold o they skinned and wore the animals.
Spoiler :
After years of researching and studying, the Babylonians finally figured out how to mold Iron into an actually useful form, not just lumps to throw at jealous bears. This iron working would be vital to be able to work the lands that were covered in jungle as until now they were useless. Also, this ushered Babylon into the classical era. This is when all that music by Mozart and Beethoven came out. That's what Caterpillar said at least, and there is no way he is wrong.
Spoiler :
With the ushering of the Classical Era a scientist among many rose up the ranks. He apparently had big plans. Plans to have an academy built and for him to teach there and for pupils to be filled with the knowledge of Babylon's greatness. Oh and math and stuff like that. The scientist then gladly decided to work for the state with absolutely no pay and the chance to never see his family again. Babylon really has the best citizens in the world.
Spoiler :
Finally that rice near Caterpillarton was of some use. The workers were tasked with clearing the jungles and then building rice fields so that the city can grow and the Great Wall can be built faster. This would be vital in making sure infidels stay away from our wonderful empire. This growing power was case and point of the amazing strength of Babylon and how it would never end.
Spoiler :
DKVM
Joker
You made a mistake there. I believe you meant to say useful, not useless.
CaterpillarKing
Conqueror of Cacoons
(thank you)
CaterpillarKing
Conqueror of Cacoons
Yet more jealous bears decided it would be a good idea to attack Babylonian troops. These foolish bears just do not understand they can never be citizens of the gracious empire.
Clearly the death of the bears saddened the citizen of Babylon and some of them complained. Eventually these complaints turned to loud complaints. These loud complaints turned to vicious cow-tipping and mean notes being left on Caterpillar's doorstep. Eventually it became actual riots on the streets over some dumb bears. This was ridiculous. The archer division that was defending city was told to ensure the citizens "went inside safely". Obviously it didn't work too well.
Finally, after a 25 year period of anarchy in Babylon was over the infamous Bear Riots ended. The citizens were now "subdued" and about half of all the arrows in the armory were now listed as "missing". The mayor made it back and restructured the government so that he was once again mayor.
It was like the RNG gods were mad at Caterpillar because all of the sudden a thunderstorm blew away a quarry.... Interesting as a quarry is just a hole in the ground with rocks and a few shacks but whatever.
A full 200 years after the infamous Bear Riots a whole new sweep of angry people came into the streets. They were moaning about hunger or something. Regardless, they were deemed as dangerous to the city and the defending troops were ordered to control the crowd. This lead to some accidental massacres. There were some dead but coincidentally, no one kept an accurate count.
Once again peace was restored and happiness and love would reign forever and ever never ending again.
Apparently Babylonian didn't like peace and happiness. This time there was no screwing around and the archers just started punching people and shaking the revolutionary spirit out of them. The innocent prayed this would be the last time.
Order was once again in Caterpillar's hands as it rightfully should be. The workers to the East could now once again rebuild the quarry because now they wouldn't be interrupted every turn.
Babylonian generals approached Caterpillar King, for some odd reason they were shaking, wired. Regardless, they requested that their gracious and glorious leader recruit 12 new swordsmen divisions so that they can conquer anyone on the battlefield. Caterpillar likes conquering. He accepted this and took it as a challenge.
This was just getting stupid...
Finally, after many many riots and moments perfect for irritated groaning, the Pyramids were completed in Babylon. Caterpillar's best achievement ever devised. In fact, the lead architect actually named the monument the Caterpyramids in honor of their amazing ruler.
The main thing that the people religiously believed in was their amazing god-like leader, Caterpillar King. Everyone showed up to the temple every day for 20 minutes to pray for their wonderful king and friend, Caterpillar. Despite this, they needed something on the books to be shown as their religion in the world, thus the idea of Buddhism was born. It translates roughly to "Caterpillar is the greatest, most handsome, strongest, nicest, and best person in the world I would love to share my salad with him any day" in Babylonian. This new religion spread like wildfire across the empire. Especially since they were told to believe it or there really would be a fire.
Just as a new religion was being formed in Babylon, in Caterpillarton a major building project had been finished. A Great Wall was now constructed and was said to be great for defense and building up amazing generals, even though it seemed to only be around Caterpillarton it apparently worked everywhere.
A few years later some missionaries traveled to Caterpillarton to spread the word of their lord and savior Caterpillar King. Anyone who didn't let the men come inside had their door kicked down, it was a fair trade.
The dang Iroquois finally actually did something successfully. Unfortunately this lead to stepping on toes, Babylonian toes. The Oracle was built by the tribe and this was completely unacceptable. No matter how much gold replaces what was the structure of the Oracle they would never forgive the Iroquois. Caterpillar King immediately forced all of their tourists out of Babylon in a fit of rage. This would lead to a new rivalry.
The Babylonian religious leaders all met together one day and decided to make their religious sector much more organized. This helped with building buildings faster and training missionaries.
Unfortunately some barbarian aemen surrounded a Babylonian scout. They cut them down viciously and violently. Obviously the scouts did nothing wrong and it is purely because the savages were bloodthirsty. Clearly.
To get a new resource of iron to be able to actually build swordsmen and other melee units Caterpillar sent a group of settler South to create a new city. The city was named Kingsley after Caterpillar King. It was clear the citizens of Babylon loved their king.
Babylon was now the greatest and largest and most awesome empire in the world. With now increased military potential those dumb Iroquois would suffer for their impotence. This would be fun.
Spoiler :
Clearly the death of the bears saddened the citizen of Babylon and some of them complained. Eventually these complaints turned to loud complaints. These loud complaints turned to vicious cow-tipping and mean notes being left on Caterpillar's doorstep. Eventually it became actual riots on the streets over some dumb bears. This was ridiculous. The archer division that was defending city was told to ensure the citizens "went inside safely". Obviously it didn't work too well.
Spoiler :
Finally, after a 25 year period of anarchy in Babylon was over the infamous Bear Riots ended. The citizens were now "subdued" and about half of all the arrows in the armory were now listed as "missing". The mayor made it back and restructured the government so that he was once again mayor.
Spoiler :
It was like the RNG gods were mad at Caterpillar because all of the sudden a thunderstorm blew away a quarry.... Interesting as a quarry is just a hole in the ground with rocks and a few shacks but whatever.
Spoiler :
A full 200 years after the infamous Bear Riots a whole new sweep of angry people came into the streets. They were moaning about hunger or something. Regardless, they were deemed as dangerous to the city and the defending troops were ordered to control the crowd. This lead to some accidental massacres. There were some dead but coincidentally, no one kept an accurate count.
Spoiler :
Once again peace was restored and happiness and love would reign forever and ever never ending again.
Spoiler :
Apparently Babylonian didn't like peace and happiness. This time there was no screwing around and the archers just started punching people and shaking the revolutionary spirit out of them. The innocent prayed this would be the last time.
Spoiler :
Order was once again in Caterpillar's hands as it rightfully should be. The workers to the East could now once again rebuild the quarry because now they wouldn't be interrupted every turn.
Spoiler :
Babylonian generals approached Caterpillar King, for some odd reason they were shaking, wired. Regardless, they requested that their gracious and glorious leader recruit 12 new swordsmen divisions so that they can conquer anyone on the battlefield. Caterpillar likes conquering. He accepted this and took it as a challenge.
Spoiler :
This was just getting stupid...
Spoiler :
Finally, after many many riots and moments perfect for irritated groaning, the Pyramids were completed in Babylon. Caterpillar's best achievement ever devised. In fact, the lead architect actually named the monument the Caterpyramids in honor of their amazing ruler.
Spoiler :
The main thing that the people religiously believed in was their amazing god-like leader, Caterpillar King. Everyone showed up to the temple every day for 20 minutes to pray for their wonderful king and friend, Caterpillar. Despite this, they needed something on the books to be shown as their religion in the world, thus the idea of Buddhism was born. It translates roughly to "Caterpillar is the greatest, most handsome, strongest, nicest, and best person in the world I would love to share my salad with him any day" in Babylonian. This new religion spread like wildfire across the empire. Especially since they were told to believe it or there really would be a fire.
Spoiler :
Just as a new religion was being formed in Babylon, in Caterpillarton a major building project had been finished. A Great Wall was now constructed and was said to be great for defense and building up amazing generals, even though it seemed to only be around Caterpillarton it apparently worked everywhere.
Spoiler :
A few years later some missionaries traveled to Caterpillarton to spread the word of their lord and savior Caterpillar King. Anyone who didn't let the men come inside had their door kicked down, it was a fair trade.
Spoiler :
The dang Iroquois finally actually did something successfully. Unfortunately this lead to stepping on toes, Babylonian toes. The Oracle was built by the tribe and this was completely unacceptable. No matter how much gold replaces what was the structure of the Oracle they would never forgive the Iroquois. Caterpillar King immediately forced all of their tourists out of Babylon in a fit of rage. This would lead to a new rivalry.
Spoiler :
The Babylonian religious leaders all met together one day and decided to make their religious sector much more organized. This helped with building buildings faster and training missionaries.
Spoiler :
Unfortunately some barbarian aemen surrounded a Babylonian scout. They cut them down viciously and violently. Obviously the scouts did nothing wrong and it is purely because the savages were bloodthirsty. Clearly.
Spoiler :
To get a new resource of iron to be able to actually build swordsmen and other melee units Caterpillar sent a group of settler South to create a new city. The city was named Kingsley after Caterpillar King. It was clear the citizens of Babylon loved their king.
Spoiler :
Babylon was now the greatest and largest and most awesome empire in the world. With now increased military potential those dumb Iroquois would suffer for their impotence. This would be fun.
Spoiler :
constantinople
not Istanbul
Da Bears
TheNoob
Dank Memes
RIP wannabe-Babylonian bears. You will be remembered forever in the schoolbooks of 8th graders.
Moai_Spammer
Ave, True to Caesar!
oh no, i can't bear it
CaterpillarKing
Conqueror of Cacoons
There should be a bear on the flag 
Also, with the Next War mod being a part of Darkciv the late game will be interesting 
Also, with the Next War mod being a part of Darkciv the late game will be interesting 
Manuss
Sleeping man
With "interesting" you mean "KILL'EM ALL" right?
CaterpillarKing
Conqueror of Cacoons
CaterpillarKing
Conqueror of Cacoons
Update tomorrow my peeps!
Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk
Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk
DrZomboss
Brrrainz Gourmet
Maybe a bit late, but... subbed.
CaterpillarKing
Conqueror of Cacoons
You're never too late
Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk
Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk
CaterpillarKing
Conqueror of Cacoons
Finally the people of Kingsley all were converted to Buddhism. They now had a true place to spend their entire free time worshipping the almighty Caterpillar King.
Finally the Iroquois accepted that Caterpillar King is the best person to ever live and the greatest ruler of the whole world in its entirety.
It also seemed as though they were extremely sorrowful for taking the Oracle. They better had because it was a terrible wrongdoing. They begged Caterpillar to please reopen national borders. Every nation must learn to be better and what better way than to copy Babylon? With this in mind he accepted.
Volcanoes, they're wonderful aren't they?
NO! NOT AGAIN! Damn bears, they must have sent in insurrectionists.
The Iroquois were so bad at war that barbarians could simply enter their territory unchecked. Also, the Iroquois are said to interbreed with the savages, it actually explains their rudeness and stupidity.
It seemed as though one way to worship Caterpillar was not enough. He therefore invented a new religion. It is exactly the same in every way except it has a cool name. The citizens are too stupid to realize this though so it was okay.
Although Babylon was not a naval power in any way, there was significant coastal trade. Therefore engineers in Babylon created the greatest and most beautiful lighthouse in the world.
Then more great news came. The city of Kingsley to the South was finally able to take advantage of the iron deposits. Now we could build the soldiers needed to "help" the Iroquois.
What is this?? A false religion founded by the Iroquois?? This was unacceptable as their was only one true god, Caterpillar.
Finally we might be able to build the swordsmen that the generals had requested for. We could build the army we dreamed of.
A new addition was made to the empire. It seemed some people of Babylon were unhappy and executions would be too inefficient so Caterpillar built a New Babylon as a sort of refuge.
With such a large number of unhappy people Caterpillar King in all his glory made a new governmental decision. He decided to change the government so positions were held by bloodlines and not by killing, as was the norm before.
Babylon had created a wonderful artist. He was sent to New Babylon because right now they sucked pretty badly. His art was so big it was seen for miles and expanded borders.
We now had a military force to speak of and would soon use it to liberate the Iroquois from their terrible leader, Logan.
With borders expanding so much, Babylon was very clearly the best empire. There are none like it. Anywhere.
Spoiler :
Finally the Iroquois accepted that Caterpillar King is the best person to ever live and the greatest ruler of the whole world in its entirety.
Spoiler :
It also seemed as though they were extremely sorrowful for taking the Oracle. They better had because it was a terrible wrongdoing. They begged Caterpillar to please reopen national borders. Every nation must learn to be better and what better way than to copy Babylon? With this in mind he accepted.
Spoiler :
Volcanoes, they're wonderful aren't they?
Spoiler :
NO! NOT AGAIN! Damn bears, they must have sent in insurrectionists.
Spoiler :
The Iroquois were so bad at war that barbarians could simply enter their territory unchecked. Also, the Iroquois are said to interbreed with the savages, it actually explains their rudeness and stupidity.
Spoiler :
It seemed as though one way to worship Caterpillar was not enough. He therefore invented a new religion. It is exactly the same in every way except it has a cool name. The citizens are too stupid to realize this though so it was okay.
Spoiler :
Although Babylon was not a naval power in any way, there was significant coastal trade. Therefore engineers in Babylon created the greatest and most beautiful lighthouse in the world.
Spoiler :
Then more great news came. The city of Kingsley to the South was finally able to take advantage of the iron deposits. Now we could build the soldiers needed to "help" the Iroquois.
Spoiler :
What is this?? A false religion founded by the Iroquois?? This was unacceptable as their was only one true god, Caterpillar.
Spoiler :
Spoiler :
Finally we might be able to build the swordsmen that the generals had requested for. We could build the army we dreamed of.
Spoiler :
A new addition was made to the empire. It seemed some people of Babylon were unhappy and executions would be too inefficient so Caterpillar built a New Babylon as a sort of refuge.
Spoiler :
With such a large number of unhappy people Caterpillar King in all his glory made a new governmental decision. He decided to change the government so positions were held by bloodlines and not by killing, as was the norm before.
Spoiler :
Spoiler :
Babylon had created a wonderful artist. He was sent to New Babylon because right now they sucked pretty badly. His art was so big it was seen for miles and expanded borders.
Spoiler :
We now had a military force to speak of and would soon use it to liberate the Iroquois from their terrible leader, Logan.
Spoiler :
With borders expanding so much, Babylon was very clearly the best empire. There are none like it. Anywhere.
Spoiler :
CaterpillarKing
Conqueror of Cacoons
Yeah, they are certainly not intelligent as their namesake.
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