The Minion line goes back thousands of years. Traditionally, the lineage was filled with peaceful, friendly rulers. But, occasionally, the niceness skips a generation.
At the decree of the departing regent, a royal messenger was sent to fetch Minion the Tyrannical. The sanity of the departing regent was always questionable. Even more so when messenger's arrow-riddled corpse turned up in a ditch.
Minion the Tyrannical, garbed in a rancid bear hide and with breath as green as a fetid swamp, flatly refused to take the Oath to the Throne. Instead, he simply intoned, "I'll take the job."
1550AD (Pre-turn): Engineering due in 2 with research at 50% (+8gpt). Every city is producing a samurai or a catapult. We are Vassalage/Theocracy (we're also Hindu with Hinduism in every city) with Slavery still in effect. We are at war with Qin Shi Huang. Excellent.
We survey our cities and our forces. We discover that the mechanized machines of war were nothing but a bard's fantasy. Many heads will roll this day. In Butterfly (our capital), we burn the bodies of the weak to complete a catapult. The forces gathered there will march forth next turn. We do the same in Theory, which also helps the overcrowding problem there. Chaos and English Setter are also overcrowded, so some citizens there are turned into samurai armour. Citizens building a catapult in Straussburg are whipped for thinking a catapult should take 12 turns to complete. Slackers. Complete and utter slackers.
Warriors in the field are marching south, towards Qin's lands.
Catherine believes herself to be leet. Soon, she shall be pwned.
IBT: Barbarian axemen invade our pig sty and barbarian cavalry (!) approach Hangzhou.
1555AD (Turn 1): Many forces are armed and sent towards the Chinese. More forces are ordered to be mustered. But, what is this? Many cities do not have courthouses. How can the full extent of my law be imposed without proper courts to enforce them?!? A few courthouses are ordered built. Upon the graves of our own people if necessary. Straussburg gets a reorganization and a forge is started (due in 10).
Catapults bombard the walls of Hangzhou (down to 12%).
Samurai kill the infidel barb axemen.
We equip a catapult with burning oil (Barrage II) and send it towards Qin's maceman and catapult outside Butterfly. Samurai and longbowmen finish off the forces (we lose one bowman at 83% odds, trying to gain them XP). The forces in Butterfly regroup after fending off the attack.
IBT: Mao declares war! And destroys a cottage near Adamame.
1560AD (Turn 2): Engineering is completed. Everything but Compass takes over 17 turns to complete. We go for Compass in 6. Hindu monastary completes in Butterfly. Did I forget to mention I was building one there? Too bad. More samurais.
Samurai in Adamame promotes up to Formation and utterly destroys Mao's horse archer.
Hangzhou reduced to 4% defence by our catapult.
An army of two samurai, one longbowman, and two catapults depart Butterfly for Qin's borders. Other forces are sent west to deal with Mao.
IBT: Two of Mao's swordsmen march towards Chaos (picture below was taken before the swordsmen arrived).
1565AD (Turn 3): Samurai south of Butterfly annihilates barbarian warrior.
Horse archer arrives in Chaos and rushes past Mao's army to try and cause damage behind their lines.
Qin's Cho-Ko-Nu is destroyed. All defensive bonuses are eliminated from Hangzhou by our catapult. A samurai attacks and destroys Qin's catapult. Another samurai attacks Qin's spearman and captures Hangzhou.
Longbowmen are moved down from the hills to defend the newly conquered city. The army from Butterfly arrives to late to assist. I resist destroying them all for their laziness.
An archer is upgraded to a longbowman in Chaos. The spearman is upgraded to a pikeman.
The finishing touches of the courthouse in English Setter are completed with the bones of worthless citizens. Twice as many citizens of Adamame (2) are sacrificed to the samurai trainers to produce one worthy fighting unit.
IBT: Our pathetic, worthless horse archer milling about in Mao's territory is destroyed. Good riddance. Mao's swordsmen infiltrate our gold mine. Mao declines to smash himself against the defenses of Chaos.
1570AD (Turn 4): Chaos builds its courthouse and is set to build BETTER horse archers (3 turns each). English Setter completes its courthouse as well and it told to build... Can E.S. not build anything in less than 6 turns?!? Unacceptable!
They are producing WAY too much food. We tell them to mind the hills instead. Horse archers in 4 turns. Their speed will be useful. Or they will die. Either way.
Adamame finishes samurai and starts a catapult for support.
Irish Setter finishes a pikeman and starts a courthouse. The swordsman there is awoken and sent west towards Mao.
Forces move towards their respective goals, for if they refuse, they will be killed as examples.
IBT: Our gold mine is destroyed. A catapult defends against a Cho-Ko-Nu. Elephants attack Hangzhou and destroy a longbowman, but the city holds. Qin adopts Theocracy.
1575AD (Turn 5): A worthless samurai loses to Qin's maceman/catapult approaching Hangzhou. Others must divert to finish the job. The army disperses to mop up Qin's forces around Hangzhou.
Near Chaos, our samurai waste Mao's swordsman. Some catapults (w/ Barrage II) arrive and charge Mao's army. Much collateral damage is done. A samurai destroys an escorting horse archer with no injuries at all.
IBT: Cho-Ko-Nu defeats a samurai. More elephants from Qin. Hangzhou holds.
1580AD (Turn 6): Samurai ready in Theory. More catapults! Catapult in Adamame. More samurai!
Two samurai discover Chengdu out west of Adamame. It is well defended. The samurai there are told to learn Woodsman I and resort to guerilla tactics.
A samurai in Theory upgrades to Formation and charges one of Qin's elephants. The beast dies before it can destroy our iron mine. To celebrate, the severely wounded samurai (1.2) makes elephant foot garbage cans for their lord and tyrant. Me.
Near Chaos:
A samurai destroys a Cho-Ko-Nu. A catapult is "encouraged" to attack Mao's stack south of the city. It causes collateral damage and survives, as any good unit should. We are pleased.
Near Hangzhou:
A samurai destroys a catapult. Forces rally for the defense of Hangzhou.
IBT: Horse archers ambush a catapult near Adamame. Victoria shows up wanting to trade us Compass and 50 gold for our Paper. Compass is due in 1 turn. We try "negotiation". She has NOTHING else. We tell her where to go and recommend she wear asbestos knickers once she gets there. Mao bombards Chaos (from 40% to 10%), destroys a mine (without resources), and completes the Hagia Sophia (in Bejing).
1585AD (Turn 7): Samurai in Butterfly. Catapult next. Catapult in Theory. Why does Theory produce so slowly?!? We investigate. And after SEVEN TURNS (!), we discover the governor had been ordered to EMPHASIZE FOOD!!! We kill the entire administration and tell their replacements exactly where to work.
We check our other cities and "set the governors right". (Gads but that was evil!)
Courthouse done in Irish Setter. They need...ug... a library? Fine. More books for me to burn later.
Hangzhou comes out of rebellion and is ordered to build Walls to keep the blasted elephants out. THREE catapults charge Qin's maceman/elephant stack, destroy BOTH units, and ALL THREE survive. Our catapults are learning to respect our orders. Excellent.
Samurai near Chaos destroys a Cho-Ko-Nu with no injuries. The new horse archer destroys a swordsman (who was on a hill).
Our swordsman arrives in Adamame and continues on to destroy Mao's ambushing horse archer.
IBT: Mao's catapults attack Chaos and cause collateral damage to units therein. Our horse archer outside of the city is destroyed by a Cho-Ko-Nu. A samurai outside of Hangzhou is destroyed by Qin's Cho-Ko-Nu. Catherine adopts Theocracy.
1590AD (Turn 8): Compass is learned. GUILDS next, but due in 17. Ug.
Hangzhou fortifies against Qin's next wave (so far, just an elephant and a damaged Cho-Ko-Nu).
Samurai near Chaos destroys a Cho-Ko-Nu.
Samurai near Chengdu destroys Mao's rice paddies.
IBT: Mao moves his forces. A horse archer sneaks by and destroys our copper mine. Victoria cancels Cow for 4gpt.
1595AD (Turn 9): Horse archer done in English Setter. More samurai.
Samurai near Chaos avenges the loss of our copper mine. Another samurai (our seige engine destroyer) finishes off the last catapult outside the city. A samurai in Chaos emerges to destroy the last of Mao's forces near the city (a Cho-Ko-Nu).
Our swordsman near Adamame sacrifice themselves to cause severe injury to Mao's swordsman threatening our cows. Our WARRIOR (remember "I love tree hugging"? Yeah. THEM.) finishes the swordsman off.
IBT: Mao moves forces. Qin's elephant attacks Hangzhou and kills a samurai. Kublai Khan declares war. He's not our immediate neighbor, so I don't really care.
Qin wants peace and offers us Optics for it (sure, we accept).
1600AD (Turn 10): Catapult done in Butterfly. More samurai. Forge in Straussburg. More samurai.
Our horse archer races through Adamame and runs down Mao's encroaching horse archer. And then runs him through.
The catapults in Chaos are healed up. They join up with the Cho-Ko-Nu-slaying samurai waiting outside of town.
We need some repairs out west of Chaos. There are some forces healing up in Hangzhou. A lone samurai is fortified on a forested hill outside Changdu, waiting for an opportunity to cause havoc.
And that's where we'll leave it for the next bloodthirsty soul to sit in the throne.
The prankster has outdone himself this time!
the heathens. Catherine deserves worse. We must weaken her before she gets cossacks!
slaver that killed and made people PAY!
