DarthNES II - Superpowers Redux

[m.t.cicero]

YO: Arabs
From: Nigeria

Holy Father-President Joseph has pledged to stand by his brotha' President Harris against the mohammedan menace. If you got beef with America you got beef with us, and you gonna have 99 problems real soon. But don't worry, Alexander's wife won't be one of them, I'll be taking good care of her.
-Minister Ihejirika

'Sup: America
From: Nigeria

Holy Father-President Joseph has a storied history of slaughtering Moslems, and would be happy to trade pointers on the finer details of killing Moslems with President Harris. We'll throw a rager in Lagos after this is all finished, it'll be ratchet.

 

[christos200]

The Americans are racists who cannot understand that no one else, except for their fat rich puppet dictators, wants to be like them.

 

[christos200]

And by the way, Alexander's wife has been dead for more than 10 years.

 

[talonschild]

Bonus points to Harris for pulling that off, then. Premier Diaz sends him his congratulations.

 

[TheLizardKing]

She was believed to have died in President Harris's arms.

EDIT:


Link to video.

 

[DarthNader]

I'm absolutely loving this. Keep it up!

 

[christos200]

This cannot be true because the USA President is gay. So how could teh President's wife have slept with you?

 

[talonschild]

Premier Diaz supposes that President Alexander should have our condolences, belated though they are. Black armbands shall be distributed.

 

[m.t.cicero]

High Archbishop Kanye of the Nigerian National Church​

High Archbishop Kanye Iworuniha of the Nigerian National Church on the Mahometan Menace​

Now I ain't saying Mrs. President Alexander's wife was a gold digger, but she wasn't messin' with no broke...I mean if you with this girl then you better be paid. Oh, right, I'm supposed to be talkin' about these Moslems. You see, unlike our good friend and brotha' President Harris, this President Alexander doesn't care about black people. He rules half of North Africa, and from what I heard, they're oppressing black folks up there. And, yo, Alexander, I'm really happy for you, I'ma let you finish, but the Turks were the best at ruling Arabs for all time! Best at ruling Arabs for all time!

 

[talonschild]

The Turks? Really? Give Argentina a crack at it and you'll see.

 

[ChineseWarlord]

Martinez won the election with his popular campaign message of "Cut off the hands of all of the other candidates." Not much else about him is known, though he does like tacos.

To: America
From: Mexico

Drugs? We don't know what you're talking abou-ah screw it! Everyone knows anyway. We would be glad to join your Arab hating alliance. Remember, when Mexicans aren't selling drugs, killing rival drug lords, or eating tacos, they're going to church!

 

[m.t.cicero]

Further Musings by High Archbishop Kanye on Mrs. President Alexander (feat. Bishop of Port Harcourt Foxx)


Link to video.

 

[Milarqui]

To: United States of America
From: European Federation

We are willing to join this alliance against the United Arab Republic, but do not agree with your characterization of all Muslim people as an extremist sect. There are many Muslim people living among the people of Europe, and they are supportive of our efforts to establish a democratic nation, where all religions are equal under the law.

 

[Lord of Elves]

From: Russian Federation
To: United States of Yankeeland
CC: Anyone Else Who Cares, UIR
Despite the fact that Americans smell weird and are fat, we can essentially agree that the current leadership of the United Islamic Republic is a threat to the international balance of power. As a neighboring power to the Islamic Republic, the Russian Federation warns our Arab friends that the course of action they have set upon is not conducive to their own peace and prosperity, or the general peace and prosperity of all sovereign nations. You are going to the part of your map which reads "Here There Be Dragons."

Regards, "Uncle" Anton Sverstikov

 

[Shadowbound]

To the UIR
From Brazil

Dirige mais rápido, estamos num bairro perigoso.

 

[ZeletDude]

From: Russian Federation
To: World
CC: China, Japan
In accordance with the Russo-Japanese Friendship Treaty, and their commitment to peace, security and stability in Eurasia, the nations of the Russian Federation, the Republic of Japan and the People's Republic of Greater China set down in writing their friendly and cooperative intentions to one another in the name of the Eurasian peace. This document, to be known as the Putingrad Compact, will establish a loose international association of Free Eurasian Republics for the maintenance of the balance of power in Eurasia. This coalition shall be known as the Association of Free EurAsian Republics or FEAR. Its tenets are outlined below:

FEAR

1. The aforementioned nations shall enter an international compact and coalition for the maintenance of the Eurasian peace and balance of power.

2. The aforementioned nations pledge to one another their cooperation and friendship, bound by no specific clauses to mutual defense, but establishing the precedent for international military cooperation should it become necessary.

3. The aforementioned nations pledge to seek to maintain, by cooperation and judicious intervention, the balance of power in Eurasia against foes within and without.​

Signed, "Uncle" Anton Sverstikov, Chancellor of the Russian National Congress, Director of the Russian Unity Society and Father of the Nation

Signed, Takashi Nozoe, Prime Minister of Japan.

 

[Lord of Elves]

Welcome back to RUSSIAN IDOL

<Studio Narrator> Since you last joined us, we had eliminated contestants Sven, Sergei and Ismina by dumping them into a pool of ravenous Kazakh blade fish. Astute viewers will remember that the blade fish is so named for the remarkable sharpness of its teeth, capable of ripping through human flesh at an astonishing speed. The producers have assured me that their deaths were as horrific and painful as was possible on our budget. Remember to give generously this donation season!

We said generously, you drachma-pinching Eurotrash.​

<Studio Audience> Challenge! Challenge! Challenge! Challenge!

<Narrator> Yes friends, it's that time again. In order to determine who will advance to the next round, we have separated the remaining cast members into teams. Both teams will have to navigate an obstacle course in the shape of the Russian nation, filled with rabies-infested wild animals, human remains and sharp, pointy things. It's time to introduce the teams!

<Voice Actor Impersonating Late National Hero Vladimir "Ol' Bloodyhands" Putin> On the red side, team Glorious Russian People's Freedom Army of Justice!

Representation.​

<Voice Actor> And on the blue side, the actual cast members!

May or may not be actual cast. View at own peril.​

<Narrator> Now remember, we want a good, clean fight. Our cast members will be permitted to use their fists, as well as their feet. The red team, (or Glorious Russian People's Freedom Army of Justice) will be permitted to use heat-seeking light artillery missiles and concentrated small arms fire. Begin!

<Anton Sverstikov> Ah dammit, who jiggled the rabbit ears? Come on, if you confess I'll kill you before I have you flayed.

 

[TheLizardKing]

This cannot be true because the USA President is gay. So how could teh President's wife have slept with you?

We have documented proof this is not the case. Further more, even if it was true, the Arab President's wife should be the one questioned, not the United States State Department. After all, she was the "aggressor", from what we can tell. Our documents, photos, video evidence and eye-witness testimonies say that it was President Alexander's wife (who we will refer to as Person of Interest X from this point on) locked President Harris in a villa on the Californian coast, and made love to him for several days straight, with the only breaks being for business calls, liquor runs, ice runs, or to answer the door when the pizza boy came. In all fairness, it's absurd to blame Person of Interest X. She claimed President Alexander couldn't satisfy her womanly needs in bed, and so she came to President Harris. So the fault lies not on President Harris, or arguably Person of Interest X, but President Alexander's shortcomings as a man. Literally and figuratively.

We also have evidence that this is where President Alexander's hatred of Americans come from. Which makes sense; after all, it was the American President that turned Person of Interest X away from her husband and sent her on a sex-filled journey across the world, where she laid with a statesman from every nation in the world. Even Russia.

President Harris was also proposed to by President Alexander's mother, but he didn't find her as appealing as Person of Interest X.

Actual image of President Alexander's Mother



From: The Owners of New Mexico
To: The Owners of Old Mexico

We're delighted to hear you support us. With that being said, would you be up for some sort of NAP, or (dare I say) and outright alliance? We'll buy your drugs, and we'll send you drunk co-eds in exchange?

To: United States of America
From: European Federation

......but do not agree with your characterization of all Muslim people as an extremist sect. There are many Muslim people living among the people of Europe, and they are supportive of our efforts to establish a democratic nation, where all religions are equal under the law.

Yes. We here in the United States feel the same exact way.

 

[DarthNader]

I have 9/14 orders in so far. The rest of you have less than 24 hours to get yours in. I will not be accepting late orders and I will not grant any extensions, period.

 

[Grandkhan]

To: United States of Obesity
from: the People's Republic of Greater China

While we, too, have shared around Alexander's wife like a tractor at a collective farm, we feel our military interests are better served in other areas than securing access to a single unattractive woman.

OOC: Mrs Hussein is going to be the 21st Century's Helen of Troy.