Dumb Quotes

[KaiserElectric]

Okay, this is what happened in a game of Counter Strike where there was this 6-year old in the game. Not so much a dumb quote, but it is pretty funny.

Six-year old: I gotta fix something, brb.

Guerrila: Ok, see ya.

(Six-year old leaves)

Guerrila: What kind of parent gives their kid a microphone and Counter Strike for their birthday?

SAS: The good kind!

 

[CCRunner]

I'm not racist, racism is a crime, and crime is for black people

Imagine there were no hypothetical situations.

Solution to two of the world's problems: Feed the homeless to the hungry.

The last time someone listened to a Bush, a bunch of people wandered in the desert for 40 years

Girls are like paladins, they get mounts for free

I cry during sex.... f---ing Mace

I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself.

coffee just isn't my cup of tea

Rehab is for quitters

Being dyslexic has drawbacks.I once went to a toga party dressed as a goat

 

[Yeekim]

Solution to two of the world's problems: Feed the homeless to the hungry.

That is not dumb, that is pure genius!

 

[Firestorm94]

This isn't really dumb as much as it is pwnage
Salesman: Hello is mister (my last name) there
Me: no, but he can call you back at about 5 or 6 tonight
Salesman: But I'll be at home then, I don't want people calling me about sales offers
Me: Now you know how we feel
Hang Up owned

 

[salty mud]

A discussion between two friends, about buying a new school uniform:

Friend: Have you got your uniform yet?
******: Yes, I went and collected it earlier.
Friend: I haven't got mine.
******: Why?
Friend: I just cba.
******: Well can't they deliever it or e-mail it to you?
Friend: Sorry, but that's been screen-shotted.

Yes... he thought the clothes could be e-mailed.

 

[KaiserElectric]

Seen on a game show...

Host: Of the four figures on Mount Rushmore, how many are ex-presidents?

Contestant: Three

Me:

 

[Faramel]

"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours."
"If your parents never had children chances are you won't either."
"We don't necessarily discriminate, we just exclude certain types of people."
"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."

 

[DroopyTofu]

"All they have to do to win, is keep the other team from scoring, and score some points themselves."
"Bananas were a good idea."
"I like the corn I do like, but don't like the types that I don't like!"

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

"We take these things very seriously, speling, etc."
- Shelley the Republican

 

[Sharwood]

Guy in Year 5, while we were doing our work, out of absolutely nowhere;
"Mr Katen, what's a prostitute?"

Girl the same year;
"Is Bermagui (a small fishing town on Australia's East coast) a continent?"

Hot blonde I spent three years on, then got just once;
"Why do I need to learn English. I'm never going to England."
Yes, she seriously meant that.

Guy in my Year 8 History class;
"Miss, I can't find my virginity. I think Sarah took it."

My last girlfriend, in a shoe store, to a clerk;
"Excuse me, what come after 11?"

 

[Bllasae]

This isn't really dumb as much as it is pwnage
Salesman: Hello is mister (my last name) there
Me: no, but he can call you back at about 5 or 6 tonight
Salesman: But I'll be at home then, I don't want people calling me about sales offers
Me: Now you know how we feel
Hang Up owned

You took that from Seinfeld.

 

[tycoonist]

90% of problems solve themselves - me.

apply it to life folks, you won't regret it.

 

[Sharwood]

90% of problems solve themselves - me.

apply it to life folks, you won't regret it.

That's up there with: "I'll just hide under a pile of coats and hope that somehow everything works out."

 

[Firestorm94]

You took that from Seinfeld.

Huh? I've watch Seinfeld, but I didn't see that one. That's weird

 

[carmen510]

"V FOR VAGINA" -Random Ventrilo Guy

"Let's have roleplay cybering"
"Okay, sure"
"Alright, I'll be your mom and you be every guy in town."

 

[Bllasae]

Huh? I've watch Seinfeld, but I didn't see that one. That's weird

Press CTRL+F and type "Now you know how I feel".
For those of you too lazy, this is what it says:
JERRY: Uh, sorry, Excuse me one second. Hello.

TEL: Hi, would you be interested in switching over to TMI long distance service.

JERRY: Oh, gee, I can't talk right now. Why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you later.

TEL: Uh, I'm sorry we're not allowed to do that.

JERRY: Oh, I guess you don't want people calling you at home.

TEL: No.

JERRY: Well now you know how I feel. [Hangs up]

 

[Bllasae]

"All they have to do to win, is keep the other team from scoring, and score some points themselves."

Lol, this sounds like a John Madden quote.
“Here’s a guy who when he runs, he moves faster.”-John Madden
Lol.

 

[holy king]

madden:

“The only yardstick for success our society has is being a champion. No one remembers anything else.”

“The road to Easy Street goes through the sewer.”

“When your arm gets hit, the ball is not going to go where you want it to.”

“Hey, the offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field, they're bigger than everybody else, and that's what makes them the biggest guys on the field.”

 

[eastsidebagel]

Most of our imports are coming outside of our country.-George Bush

Prior to the age of 13, I didn't know for what we have boobs.-a girl I knew

Dudes, you won't believe me, but I totally forgot what I've done in the toilet just 5 minutes ago!-me, drunk like a skunk

 

[Sharwood]

Lol, this sounds like a John Madden quote.
“Here’s a guy who when he runs, he moves faster.”-John Madden
Lol.

Speaking of Madden-esque sporting quotes.

"The bottom line is unless they score more points than the other team, they can't win." - Derek Thackery.