The Mullet
Definition: a hairstyle, consisting of short, well groomed hair on the anterior area of the head and long, flowing locks on the posterior of the head.
Mullet synonyms: Drape Ape, Wisconsin Waterfall, Mississippi Mud Flap, Missouri Compromise, Louisiana Purchase and Neck Blanket.
The classic mullet includes the mesh tank top, digital watch, silver chain and molester mustache all add points to a fine specimen’s overall look and mulletude.
It is rumored that this scourge is led by this madman. It’s said his tears cure cancer so his followers are many.
Subspecies:
Camaro Cut: The Camaro mullet used to have full reign over the mullet bretheren, but that was so 70’s and ‘80’s. This species has fallen from grace since, but can still be seen at REO Speedwagon and Styx concerts. Distinguishing feacture include: a peach fuzzy mustache (molester mustache), acid wash jeans, and a key ring hanging from the belt loop. Average age is 24 years old for first sexual encounter.
Corvette Cut: A variation of the Camaro cut with 1977 frizzy hair.
Mini-Truck Mullet: Thought to be extinct in 1994, the mini-truck mullet is a rare sighting indeed, usually too wily to be caught on camera. The Mini-truck mullet flap ends close to the bottom of the neck, sporting a more conservative look. The preferred attire of this species is Oakley Razorblade sunglasses, a turtleneck with a gold cross and chain (hanging proudly) accompanied by tight fitting Guess? Jeans. The vehicle owned by the mini-truck mullet almost always has a lame slogan airbrushed on the tailgate (U snooz, U Looz, Teal Dream, etc) and a “No fear”, “Fear This” or a Calvin whizzing Sticker.
Sub-sub species the Vegas Mini-Truck Mullet:
A variety of the standard Mini-Truck mullet, this specimen was thought to be extinct in the early ‘90’s however this species seems to be making a comeback. Unsubstantiated sightings have been reported in Nebraska, Florida and Tennessee. Reliable mullitia sources have concluded the migratory patterns of this particular species point to an undisclosed location in New Jersey-possibly their homeland (Wildwood is suspected, but more studies are needed).
Summary and statistics of the Vegas Mini-Truck Mullet.
Porn mullet: Elegant blend of form and function. Average age is 13 years old for first sexual encounter.
Cross gender permullet This mullet tends to be a little less aggressive than his/her mullet counterparts; Most likely because he/she doesn’t want to taint their mullet with the sweat that would be released in the process of kicking your arse.
Virginmullet: The virginmullet is a fairly common find amongst the population. They are characterized by their flaccid mullets which can only grow to the bottom of their neck. Other factors that reduce the chances of an initial sexual encounter include:
The everpresent Skullet: The Skullet is growing in popularity across the country. Recent research has shown that Skullets are older men needing to compensate for upper dome hair loss by growing wild and wooly neck blankets.
The non North American mullet: An under researched species. Please contribute.
Femmullet: Despite popular belief not all femmullets are lesbians.
They can include the retail store version Wal-Mullet or K-Mullet, business suit Femmullet and the aforementioned Permullet.
North American Mullet Hot Spots
Links to greater mullethood.
www.mulletsgalore.com
www.northamericanmulletpage.com
www.nomullets.com
Definition: a hairstyle, consisting of short, well groomed hair on the anterior area of the head and long, flowing locks on the posterior of the head.
Mullet synonyms: Drape Ape, Wisconsin Waterfall, Mississippi Mud Flap, Missouri Compromise, Louisiana Purchase and Neck Blanket.
The classic mullet includes the mesh tank top, digital watch, silver chain and molester mustache all add points to a fine specimen’s overall look and mulletude.
It is rumored that this scourge is led by this madman. It’s said his tears cure cancer so his followers are many.
Subspecies:
Camaro Cut: The Camaro mullet used to have full reign over the mullet bretheren, but that was so 70’s and ‘80’s. This species has fallen from grace since, but can still be seen at REO Speedwagon and Styx concerts. Distinguishing feacture include: a peach fuzzy mustache (molester mustache), acid wash jeans, and a key ring hanging from the belt loop. Average age is 24 years old for first sexual encounter.
Corvette Cut: A variation of the Camaro cut with 1977 frizzy hair.
Mini-Truck Mullet: Thought to be extinct in 1994, the mini-truck mullet is a rare sighting indeed, usually too wily to be caught on camera. The Mini-truck mullet flap ends close to the bottom of the neck, sporting a more conservative look. The preferred attire of this species is Oakley Razorblade sunglasses, a turtleneck with a gold cross and chain (hanging proudly) accompanied by tight fitting Guess? Jeans. The vehicle owned by the mini-truck mullet almost always has a lame slogan airbrushed on the tailgate (U snooz, U Looz, Teal Dream, etc) and a “No fear”, “Fear This” or a Calvin whizzing Sticker.
Sub-sub species the Vegas Mini-Truck Mullet:
A variety of the standard Mini-Truck mullet, this specimen was thought to be extinct in the early ‘90’s however this species seems to be making a comeback. Unsubstantiated sightings have been reported in Nebraska, Florida and Tennessee. Reliable mullitia sources have concluded the migratory patterns of this particular species point to an undisclosed location in New Jersey-possibly their homeland (Wildwood is suspected, but more studies are needed).
Summary and statistics of the Vegas Mini-Truck Mullet.
- Extremely vocal and chatty
- unlit cigarette constantly in hand provides an atmosphere of uncertainty
- Typical sweater over sweater over turtleneck-tight blue jean fashion sensibilities
- All appear to be clean and douse with fake Drakkar
Porn mullet: Elegant blend of form and function. Average age is 13 years old for first sexual encounter.
Cross gender permullet This mullet tends to be a little less aggressive than his/her mullet counterparts; Most likely because he/she doesn’t want to taint their mullet with the sweat that would be released in the process of kicking your arse.
Virginmullet: The virginmullet is a fairly common find amongst the population. They are characterized by their flaccid mullets which can only grow to the bottom of their neck. Other factors that reduce the chances of an initial sexual encounter include:
- Molestaches—the thin unattractive moustaches often found on Virginmullets.
- Faux gold chains worn with clingy tank tops.
- Sunglasses—especially if purchased at a gas station and worn at night.
The everpresent Skullet: The Skullet is growing in popularity across the country. Recent research has shown that Skullets are older men needing to compensate for upper dome hair loss by growing wild and wooly neck blankets.
The non North American mullet: An under researched species. Please contribute.
Femmullet: Despite popular belief not all femmullets are lesbians.
They can include the retail store version Wal-Mullet or K-Mullet, business suit Femmullet and the aforementioned Permullet.
North American Mullet Hot Spots
- Professional Wrestling matches
- County Fairs
- Monster Truck Rallies
- Dog Tracks
Links to greater mullethood.
www.mulletsgalore.com
www.northamericanmulletpage.com
www.nomullets.com
- Any mullet questions?
- Any mullet answers?
- The positives and negatives of mulletization?
- International mulletization? Fact or fiction?
- Republican or democrats?
Now that you mention it there seems to be a prevalence of mullets at Chicago Blackhawk and Detroit Red Wings hockey games. Could the root of the problem emanate from Sweden?
