excuses racists use (particularly with dating)

[caketastydelish]

First, this is one of those uncomfortable, awkward topic threads that no one wants to think about, although I don't think the problem will go away on its own.

Some of the girls I'd message on dating sites, when they happened to be of a different race (ESPECIALLY if they're white) would send me a quick reply saying (sorry, I'm don't date outside my race. I'm not racist, it's just the way I was raised)... and they use that as an actual excuse.

I of course don't reply back to them because it's impossible to argue and nothing to win. On the other hand there seems to be a *lot* of people that legitimately believe refusing to date outside your race because you were "raised" that way somehow excuses you from being racist yourself.

A black woman my age whom I'm internet friends with said she's tried to date some white guys and when they brought her home, the guy's parents would always be horrified with this same "we're not racist but we're just old fashioned" nonsense.

I'm a lot less sensitive to what counts as "racist" than a lot of the posters (particularly left wing ones) are. On the other hand if specifically refusing to date someone just because they're the "wrong race" then perhaps nothing is racist at all, the line has to be drawn somewhere.

My experience of this forum is that most of the people here are white guys are willing to date minority girls, so a lot this criticism wouldn't apply to most of you. And even those of you that would honestly refuse to date outside your race would never openly admit it.

The real question is how can we come up with an effective way of calling these people out whenever they casually use the "not racist, I was just raised that way" line without sounding snarky like a jerk, that way you can actually say it and they may actually listen and think about it.

 

[LucyDuke]

The world might change when we find a way to call out rasists in a way that makes them actually listen and think about it.

 

[Domen]

Some of the girls I'd message on dating sites, when they happened to be of a different race (ESPECIALLY if they're white) would send me a quick reply saying (sorry, I'm don't date outside my race. I'm not racist, it's just the way I was raised)... and they use that as an actual excuse.

What race are you caketastydelish ???

My experience of this forum is that most the people here are white guys are willing to date minority girls, so a lot this criticism wouldn't apply to most of you. And even those of you that would honestly refuse to date outside your race would never openly admit it.

I suppose, that most of racist white men are willing to date minority girls, but they don't want white girls to date minority men.

So when a white guy is willing to date minority girls, it doesn't mean that he is not racist.

White racist guys would probably date minority girls, but would rather not get involved in serious long-term relationships with them.

 

[Timsup2nothin]

The world might change when we find a way to call out rasists in a way that makes them actually listen and think about it.

Unfortunately accurate.

Not that I think it would be particularly effective, but I would like to ask some of these "just raised that way" people how they intend to raise their kids. It would be encouraging to think this has some chance of dying out.

 

[caketastydelish]

I'm half persian half white, we've been over this.

And you'd be surprised how many white men wouldn't consider dating minority women.

 

[Domen]

LOL, Persians are white in my opinion (so you are "half white half whiter").

I guess she should have said "I don't date outside my ethnic group".

 

[caketastydelish]

You may think I'm white. But some people who consider themselves "white" think that I'm not, and thus won't date me.

---

Although whether I am actually "white" or not is thoroughly irrelevant. It's that they're racist prickheads, regardless of how accurate their depiction of me is.

 

[Domen]

Did you try to date via Stormfront ???

 

[caketastydelish]

No, just mainstream normal websites like Okcupid and plentyoffish. And indeed that is the problem. And keep in mind these are just the women that are simply too embarrassed to just flat out say "I only date white guys" on their profile (although a lot of them actually do say that).

And I'm apparently supposed to believe they aren't actual racist.

 

[Domen]

And you'd be surprised how many white men wouldn't consider dating minority women.

Well, don't they think like "our race is the best so women of other races can be our booty cuz we rule the world".

Or maybe "even if she gets pregnant then at least I'm improving the average racial quality of mankind".

I thought they do kind of think along these lines. Maybe I'm wrong.

 

[FredLC]

Hmmm... I don't know.

Perhaps they are unfortunate in their language, but what about taste? Can't some people be attracted by a certain ethinicity?

I am dark haired, but mostly people would categorize me as white, save immediatly after a day at the beach. I have dated mostly white girls in my life, and my wife is white; I always had a little soft spot for asian girls, though I never really had one as a girlfriend. I also never had a really dark skinned girlfriend, and though I never actually thought "I would totally date her, but the skin is putting me off", is that terribly different than simply not picking them out of not being interested?

I see where you are coming from, but maybe in some of these instances it's more about taste than prejudice? I mean, could be really prejudice, I don't know these girls; but I suppose someone could think the same of me, considering my dating history, and I know that would be false, so I'm thinking of benefit of doubt here...

Regards .

 

[Domen]

And keep in mind these are just the women that are simply too embarrassed to just flat out say "I only date white guys" on their profile (although a lot of them actually do say that).

But probably each of these women has a different idea of what is "white".

Perhaps Persians (and half-Persians) are white for some of them.

Which of course doesn't change the sad fact that they are apparently racist.

 

[JollyRoger]

Perhaps you can find a guy of another race willing to date.

 

[Domen]

The real question is how can we come up with an effective way of calling these people out whenever they casually use the "not racist, I was just raised that way" line without being sounding snarky like a jerk, that way you can actually say it and they may actually listen and think about it.

You mean how to really transform a racist person into a non-racist so you can date her.

But transformation must be genuine not artificial, caused by fear of being called racist.

Well, I guess it will be easier to just find someone who already isn't racist, if possible.

 

[Domen]

Or if you really want to date a racist prickhead who doesn't date "non-whites" then maybe just tell her, that you are not Hispanic or Mexican (isn't this what they think when they see you), but Persian - and as everyone knows, Persians are Aryans...

Then you can date any "miss Hitler" (link):

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...ia-entrants-include-reasons-revere-reich.html

 

[caketastydelish]

The volume of these "I'm not racist just old fashioned" people is astounding. There are a lot more of them than you may think. Everyone says they aren't racist but for their actual personal life, that's a different story

You live in Poland and since that's a far away place I've never been to, I give you a pass. But here's how it works in America:

Racist white people that won't date Mexicans have a 99% chance of not dating middle easterners either.

 

[JollyRoger]

Would you consider yourself homophobic for not dating men?

 

[caketastydelish]

No, but that's hardly the same thing. I mean come on.

 

[JollyRoger]

What would you call your refusal? You are old-fashioned?

 

[caketastydelish]

No, just that I'm not gay. a non gay man is not going to date another man. That's putting the obvious together.

On the other hand, there isn't any particular reason why a heterosexual man and heterosexual woman wouldn't date just because they're of a different race.