willemvanoranje
Curitibano
brachy-pride said:
It was barely a war..small armies, bad transport, no one won, no one got defeated. The English solved the conflict.
Historical Joke Thread
- Thread starter Adler17
- Start date
It was barely a war..small armies, bad transport, no one won, no one got defeated. The English solved the conflict.
I dont speak English good, but I hope you will understand
Palestine. Jesus is coming home, where is festive dinner with apostles. There is horrible banquet, all apostels are drunken. Jesus asks saint Peter: "Peter, I was thinking that you havent not money?!" Peter replies: "Well, we hadnt. But Judas have got some."
In some work camp in Siberia. Three prisoners talking why they were imprisoned.
First prisoner: "I told something bad about comrade Popov in 1939."
Second prisoner: "I told something bad also about comrade Popov in 1945."
Third prisoner: "I am comrade Popov."
Lenin is near death and Stalin came to him for last advices.
Lenin: "I have fear, comrade Stalin. Do you think that people will follow you?"
Stalin: "Yes, I am sure."
Lenin: "I also hope, but if they will not?"
Stalin: "So they will follow you."
"Friend writes, that he is happy that he live in Russia."
"He is happy, because he live in Russia?!"
"He is happy that he live."
After Protectorate of Bohemia was created, Hacha was invited on festive dinner. But during all time he was sad and absent-minded. Hitler took a note of this and asked Goebbels: "Look, how he dont like food. I think its because he want Czech food. I will command to cooks to give him Czech bill of fare."
So Hacha got Czech bill of fare gently from personell. He not even look at, took out pen and signed.
1970 in Prague. Question in entrance interview on high school: "Who is yours favorite person in history and why its Lenin?
Palestine. Jesus is coming home, where is festive dinner with apostles. There is horrible banquet, all apostels are drunken. Jesus asks saint Peter: "Peter, I was thinking that you havent not money?!" Peter replies: "Well, we hadnt. But Judas have got some."
In some work camp in Siberia. Three prisoners talking why they were imprisoned.
First prisoner: "I told something bad about comrade Popov in 1939."
Second prisoner: "I told something bad also about comrade Popov in 1945."
Third prisoner: "I am comrade Popov."
Lenin is near death and Stalin came to him for last advices.
Lenin: "I have fear, comrade Stalin. Do you think that people will follow you?"
Stalin: "Yes, I am sure."
Lenin: "I also hope, but if they will not?"
Stalin: "So they will follow you."
"Friend writes, that he is happy that he live in Russia."
"He is happy, because he live in Russia?!"
"He is happy that he live."
After Protectorate of Bohemia was created, Hacha was invited on festive dinner. But during all time he was sad and absent-minded. Hitler took a note of this and asked Goebbels: "Look, how he dont like food. I think its because he want Czech food. I will command to cooks to give him Czech bill of fare."
So Hacha got Czech bill of fare gently from personell. He not even look at, took out pen and signed.
1970 in Prague. Question in entrance interview on high school: "Who is yours favorite person in history and why its Lenin?
steviejay
Now in Black and White!!
heh I love the interview question one. Clever
Lockesdonkey
Liberal Jihadist
This one's only vaguely historical:
So there was this Mossad agent in Egypt during the '67 war. He's sitting in a coffee shop, looking around for people who might help him. Eventually he sees this one guy going into an apartment building, rather daft-looking but on the whole the best he could hope for.
Mossad agent: What's your name?
Guy: Nabil.
Agent: OK, Nabil, would you like to make some money?
Nabil: Sure. What do I do?
Agent: All you have to do is take pictures of these places hands Nabil a list of places and a camera. Then you put the film in this envelope hands Nabil an envelope.
Nabil: Then what?
Agent: OK. In about a month, we'll send a guy to your apartment--not me--and he'll ask, "How's your mother?" He'll be carrying an envelope. Show him in, put your envelope in his envelope, and he'll leave, and give you the rest of the money.
Nabil: OK. Anything else?
Agent: You can't tell anybody about this. Hands Nabil the first half of the money
Nabil: OK, OK.
So, a month later, the agent sends another agent to the same apartment building where he had found Nabil. The guy asks the doorman, "Where does Nabil live?"
"Third floor, apartment five."
"Thanks."
So the second Mossad guy goes to the third floor and knocks on the appropriate door.
"Hello, Nabil."
"Hello."
"How's your mother?"
Nabil starts laughing.
"Why are you laughing?"
Between laughs, he says, "You must be looking for Nabil the spy! He lives on the sixth floor."
So there was this Mossad agent in Egypt during the '67 war. He's sitting in a coffee shop, looking around for people who might help him. Eventually he sees this one guy going into an apartment building, rather daft-looking but on the whole the best he could hope for.
Mossad agent: What's your name?
Guy: Nabil.
Agent: OK, Nabil, would you like to make some money?
Nabil: Sure. What do I do?
Agent: All you have to do is take pictures of these places hands Nabil a list of places and a camera. Then you put the film in this envelope hands Nabil an envelope.
Nabil: Then what?
Agent: OK. In about a month, we'll send a guy to your apartment--not me--and he'll ask, "How's your mother?" He'll be carrying an envelope. Show him in, put your envelope in his envelope, and he'll leave, and give you the rest of the money.
Nabil: OK. Anything else?
Agent: You can't tell anybody about this. Hands Nabil the first half of the money
Nabil: OK, OK.
So, a month later, the agent sends another agent to the same apartment building where he had found Nabil. The guy asks the doorman, "Where does Nabil live?"
"Third floor, apartment five."
"Thanks."
So the second Mossad guy goes to the third floor and knocks on the appropriate door.
"Hello, Nabil."
"Hello."
"How's your mother?"
Nabil starts laughing.
"Why are you laughing?"
Between laughs, he says, "You must be looking for Nabil the spy! He lives on the sixth floor."
That took me a couple readthroughs to get it . . .
Lockesdonkey
Liberal Jihadist
Eran of Arcadia said:
It usually does...That's Egyptian humor for you.
nonconformist
Miserable
I don't get it.....
Nabil said he would tell no one, but every body knows Nabil the spy lives on the 6th floor, and "how's your mother" is the passwordnonconformist said:
nonconformist
Miserable
Oh, I thought it was going to be something funnier than thatSteph said:
I knew it with a Russian spy trying to infiltrate Wales as a sleeping agent.
[Reference mod on]If you watch the movie "The Englishman who went up a hill and climb down a mountain", that takes place in a Welsh village, all the villagers are known by their first name and their trade.
Like John the Garage, Peter the School (the teacher), and Morgan the Goat (well, he's the innkeeper, but being well endowed by mother Nature, he has a different nickname...)[Reference mod off]
So, when another Russian spy tries to contact him several years ago, he doesn't know he's name or what he's supposed to do, he just describe him, and the villagers say "Oh, you mean John the Spy"
[Reference mod on]If you watch the movie "The Englishman who went up a hill and climb down a mountain", that takes place in a Welsh village, all the villagers are known by their first name and their trade.
Like John the Garage, Peter the School (the teacher), and Morgan the Goat (well, he's the innkeeper, but being well endowed by mother Nature, he has a different nickname...)[Reference mod off]
So, when another Russian spy tries to contact him several years ago, he doesn't know he's name or what he's supposed to do, he just describe him, and the villagers say "Oh, you mean John the Spy"
Captain2
ಠ_ృ
heres two i read somewhere, sorry if they've already been posted, both are WW2 German end of war jokes
1944 in Berlin, Hitler decided to see if the people still supported him, so he disguised himself and went to a heavy urban centre and found someone standing by the side of the street
"what do you think of the Furher?" Hitler asked him
the man looked around and pulled Adolf into his house checking to make sure nobody could hear them
"personally....I like him"
Heres the other one
in early 1945 Germans were divided into two types of people, those who thought the war was going well learned English, those who thought it was going badly learned Russian
1944 in Berlin, Hitler decided to see if the people still supported him, so he disguised himself and went to a heavy urban centre and found someone standing by the side of the street
"what do you think of the Furher?" Hitler asked him
the man looked around and pulled Adolf into his house checking to make sure nobody could hear them
"personally....I like him"
Heres the other one
in early 1945 Germans were divided into two types of people, those who thought the war was going well learned English, those who thought it was going badly learned Russian
Lockesdonkey
Liberal Jihadist
That's an old one, and really doesn't make much sense (if the war was going well, the English would have to learn German). The correct joke is:
"Optimistic students in the Soviet Union learned English. Pessimistic ones learned Chinese"
Because of the fear that China would surpass the Soviet Union and then invade (thank you Mao).
Adler17
Prussian Feldmarschall
A true story:
A few years ago a female physician wanted to be called doctora, as she was feministic and this should be the better version as doctor. So she even sued that. The judge had to go down into Latin and found something: Doctora is wrong Latin. The correct female version is doctrix. That she carries that title nobody can attack. However, as being too similar to Asterix and Obelix, she denied that. So she lost her action.
Adler
A few years ago a female physician wanted to be called doctora, as she was feministic and this should be the better version as doctor. So she even sued that. The judge had to go down into Latin and found something: Doctora is wrong Latin. The correct female version is doctrix. That she carries that title nobody can attack. However, as being too similar to Asterix and Obelix, she denied that. So she lost her action.
Adler
Dann
Green bug
I think in Spanish speaking countries 'doctora' is indeed the proper address for a female physician. We've been using that term in the Philippines for ages.
Captain2
ಠ_ృ
its a joke about the hopelessness of the nazi situation by 1945... things werent exactly going well
Adler17
Prussian Feldmarschall
@ Dann: Yes, but Latin is used here in Germany on the doctor documents even today, so that doctrix is correct and not doctora. However I am pretty sure, she argued that way,too.
Adler
Adler
Cheezy the Wiz
Socialist In A Hurry
GoodSarmatian
Jokerfied Western Male
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- Apr 25, 2006
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As i heard it she knew the right form was doctrix, but wanted the title doctora because doctrix sounds like some character from Asterix.
The court argued that "the Federal Republic of Germany has neither the duty nor the right to alter the Latin language".
It is funny because she really went to court for this pseudo PC nonsense.
[cliché] But things like that happen every day in the USA, so it's neither unusual nor funny for Americans.
[/cliché]
