Historical Joke Thread

[Bugfatty300]

Other jokes there:

From German Jews:
"Two Jews are about to be shot. Suddenly the order comes to hang them instead. One says to the other "You see, they're running out of bullets."

"My father is in the SA, my oldest brother in SS, my little brother in the HJ (Hitler Youth), my mother is part of the NS women's organisation, and I'm in the BDM (Nazi girls group)."
"Do you ever get to see each other," asks the girl's friend?
"Oh yes, we meet every year at the party rally in Nuremberg!"

I don't get em.

 

[Captain2]

1. they are running out of bullet, therefore they hang them, but they dont want to make it look like they're running out

2. that means basically they have no spare time except to attend nazi party events

 

[JonnyB]

I don't get em.

The author of the article can explain this one better than I can.

Such jokes were harmless to the Nazis and didn't reflect opposition to them, says Herzog. He contrasts it with the desperate gallows humor of Germany's Jews as the noose tightened during the 1930s and in the war years:

"Two Jews are about to be shot. Suddenly the order comes to hang them instead. One says to the other "You see, they're running out of bullets."

Such jokes told by Jews were a form of mutual encouragement, an expression of the will to survive. "Even the blackest Jewish humor expresses a defiant will, as if the joke teller wanted to say: I'm laughing, so I'm still alive," says Herzog.

 

[nonconformist]

I don't get em.

1)It's near the end of the war, when Germany is losing.
The order comes to hang them instead; i.e the bullets are too valuable (ironically, this is what really happened)

2)The family members are so involved with all the Nazi organisations, that they dont see each other much.
"Except at Nuremberg", the site of the famous rallies the Nazis would hold, where troops and such would parade.

 

[Bugfatty300]

1)It's near the end of the war, when Germany is losing.
The order comes to hang them instead; i.e the bullets are too valuable (ironically, this is what really happened)

2)The family members are so involved with all the Nazi organisations, that they dont see each other much.
"Except at Nuremberg", the site of the famous rallies the Nazis would hold, where troops and such would parade.

I understand them. I just don't see the humor (though the irony is there) Poor punchlines perhaps? Or maybe its just me.

 

[Irish Caesar]

I understand them. I just don't see the humor (though the irony is there) Poor punchlines perhaps? Or maybe its just me.

They're not meant to be funny; more of a dark irony funny.

 

[Nuka-sama]

Yea, i hate jokes when I don't get them

 

[nonconformist]

I understand them. I just don't see the humor (though the irony is there) Poor punchlines perhaps? Or maybe its just me.

Because it's
A)Humour from another time
B)Very dark humour. I wouldn't be surprised if the first one circulated round Dachau in some form or another.

 

[NKVD]

A funny one I found in the other thread from back in 2004 in case someone wouldnt have read it all...from Pirate

A man is walks down the street one night and passes a Soviet guard.
The guard asks his, "Hey! Where are you going?!"
"Home" replies the man.
The guard says, "You realize there is a curfew here."
The man looks scared and starts to run away so the guard levels his rifle and shoots him dead.
Another man witnesses this and says to the guard, "Curfew doesn't begin for another 15 minutes. Why did you shoot him?"
The guard replies, "That man was a friend of mine and I know where he lives. He never would have made it."

 

[Adler17]

Dark night in Afghanistan. Two Soviet soldiers are on patrol. A shot is fired and one of them hit. Nothing is to see. The comrade soon calls for help: "Help, we were ambushed and my comrade is hit. The enemy retreated into darkness. I need fast help." "Don't worry. We will send a patrol. Your comrade is hit. Is he dead?" A second shot is heard by the commander. "Now he is."

I think I forgot something...

Adler

 

[cidknee]

Dark night in Afghanistan. Two Soviet soldiers are on patrol. A shot is fired and one of them hit. Nothing is to see. The comrade soon calls for help: "Help, we were ambushed and my comrade is hit. The enemy retreated into darkness. I need fast help." "Don't worry. We will send a patrol. Your comrade is hit. Is he dead?" A second shot is heard by the commander. "Now he is."

I think I forgot something...

Adler

no u pretty much got it.....ive heard that joke before but with 2 hunters and a 911 dispatcher.
For some reason the Sovs just make it funnier.

 

[Lockesdonkey]

Dark night in Afghanistan. Two Soviet soldiers are on patrol. A shot is fired and one of them hit. Nothing is to see. The comrade soon calls for help: "Help, we were ambushed and my comrade is hit. The enemy retreated into darkness. I need fast help." "Don't worry. We will send a patrol. Your comrade is hit. Is he dead?" A second shot is heard by the commander. "Now he is."

I think I forgot something...

Adler

Nope, it's complete, but the original joke was as cidknee had it. The version below was voted the funniest in the world:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

 

[NKVD]

lol make me think of a joke...not histolorical but lets change the name so it is...

Hitler is hunting with Stalin (lets say right after the ribentropp-molotov pact was signed ) when suddenly a duck start to fly away. Both hunters aim and shoot. BAM...at the same time. they walk to the dead duck. Both crouch to take the duck.

-It's mine Camarad
-No I killed it says Hitler
-No way
...the continue this way for a couple of minutes when Stalin says they should do a duel to determine who gets the duck

-We'll give each other a good kick in the crotch until someone say "stop"
-Ok then, answer Hitler
-Let me start

Hitler bend his knees while Stalin take his momentum going
BAM! right in the crotch. Hitler is on the grass eyes full of tears because of the pain for 5 minutes. Finally he manages to get himself up and says:

-Ok my turn now

and Stalin to answer
- You can keep the damn duck!

 

[Adler17]

Just before the last election for the Bundestag Schröder visits a flea market. He buys there an ancient oriental lamp. At home he wants to clean the lamp at first before showing it to his wife, Doris. But when he does so a genie appears.
"Master, I can fulfil you one wish." the genie said.
"Then I want to have a chateau at the Loire, with 4 towers, a vineyard, a..."
"Erm, Master, I am only a small genie. I am not so strong like my older brothers. Can you please have another wish?"
"Okay, then I wish to win the election tomorrow."
"Well, okay, how many towers the castle should have?"

Works with other politicians/ peoples.

Adler

 

[Eran of Arcadia]

Actually, there are a million variations of that joke, but it fits here!

 

[Pokurcz]

My dad told me this joke told in the the late thirtys in Poland:

If the Germans attack they will never be able to take the train stations!
Why?
Because they won't be any cashiers there to sell them station tickets!

("Stationtickets", or whatever they where called in english, where tickets you had to by to gain admishion to the platform if you, for example, wanted to pick someone up arriving by train at the station.)

 

[Adler17]

That remembers me of something Lenin once said. He said if the Germans make a revolution, they would at first buy tickets to go to Berlin or elsewhere by train. I do not know, if he said it before or after but: Indeed German revolutionaries in 1918/19 at first bought such a ticket!

Adler

 

[aussieboy]

Reference: Joseph Estrada was President of the Philippines from 1998 to 2001. He was known for his love of fatty foods, especially pork,

Estrada goes to see his doctor. His doctor tells him to lose weight. Estrada, bewildered, asks the doctor how to do that. "Simple," says the doctor. "Eat only vegtables, and things that fly or swim."

A month later, the doctor shows up to Estrada's estate in San Juan. "Where is Estrada?" he asks. After being told that Estrada is in the swimming pool, the doctor is overjoyed that he has even taken to exercise. That is, until he sees Estrada teaching the pig to swim.

 

[FriendlyFire]

During ww2 Musoliani having sat on the side lines while hitler brlitekerig through the lowlands and france. Suddenly decides to declare war and make gains only the italians perform badly in france and everywhere. Like a scavanger looking to take easy "spoils" only to be fustrated at what is joked as an "outbreak of peace"

(fighting dies down with fall of france)

 

[Pokurcz]

Here is a Soviet era joke:

A man walks in to a store.
"You don't have any meat today, by any chance?
"No, we don't have any fish. It's the store next door that doesn't have any meat."