horrible puns

[!!!!!]

Q. when did the clam stop exercising


A.when his mussels were sore

 

[Dumanios]

:groan:

 

[!!!!!]

The telegraph operator who accidentally sent the same message twice was remorseful.

 

[!!!!!]

The 'Star Wars' character was nicknamed 'Coffee'. His real name was Java the Cup.

 

[!!!!!]

The history of cheese is full of holes, but it's interesting in its own whey.

 

[!!!!!]

last one:Birds don't mind fowl weather in fact they usually find it just ducky.

 

[Bobbtjoe]

The telegraph operator who accidentally sent the same message twice was remorseful.

The 'Star Wars' character was nicknamed 'Coffee'. His real name was Java the Cup.

The history of cheese is full of holes, but it's interesting in its own whey.

last one:Birds don't mind fowl weather in fact they usually find it just ducky.

You could've put all these in one post, ya know?

 

[!!!!!]

I am trying to get to 30 posts

 

[!!!!!]

actually I did not think about it when I was posting them

 

[TheDS]

I think spamming would be coming here and posting a link to your own rather large collection of Webster's Rejects, unless it was mostly puns. If you get a log-in request, just hit cancel and try again, it's a google screwup.

A couple of favorites:

Integer math: it's all so pointless
Loading the dishwasher: getting your wife drunk
Progress: the opposite of Congress
Quadruple bypass: missing the highway off-ramp four times in a row
Three square meals a day: waffles, brownies, TV dinners

 

[!!!!!]

what kind of cheese is not yours "nacho cheese"

 

[Fr8monkey]

I had an out of body experience and I was beside myself.

 

[Veritass]

Did you hear about the guy that was in a horrible accident and lost the entire left side of his body?

He's all right now.

 

[KaiserElectric]

Did I post the jump rope joke here?

nevermind, skip it.

 

[Mango Elephant]

This thread is so punny.

 

[globaooba]

I have a couple of sci miami puns for ya.

He said he'd die when pigs fly.
well it looks like.....swine flew
YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHH!!!!

We found the guy who tried to defend himself with a broken pencil!
Well it looks like his defences were....pointless.
YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHH!!!!

 

[KaiserElectric]

 

[Lord Baal]

That comic doesn't make sense. How could she have been raped if the rapist wasn't there when he commited the crime?

 

[Reiser]

More importantly, why is the guy already wearing sunglasses when he pulls out a new pair?

 

[Mise]

That's part of the joke (both those things)
1) It's a contrived way of getting the captcha into the punch line (so contrived that it's amusing)
2) That's a long running meme (CSI guy putting glasses over his glasses)