How do we cheer up the English?

[Gori the Grey]

Best tragedies in the language, maybe in any language.

(Best comedies too, though, come to that).

 

[EnglishEdward]

First time I heard the term "trip-hop"; I had to search at youtube:

:

Thank you

 

[EvaDK]

Portishead forever

 

[EgonSpengler]

So let it be known for what we believe in
I can see no reason for it to fail
'Cause this life is a farce
I can't breathe through this mask
Like a fool

 

[EvaDK]

The soundtrack of my early youth. There was nothing else like Portishead... then I discovered all the other UK bands

Had the fortune of watching them in the flesh at Roskilde a decade or so ago.

 

[Chukchi Husky]

The English have produced punk rock, trip-hop, and the most grim crime-dramas on tv.

Go up to the Midlands and Northern England and you get heavy metal and gothic rock.

 

[April Fools' AI moderator]

Portishead forever

Your friendly AI Moderator, Nigel, likes Portishead.

 

[Comrade Ceasefire]

I was looking for a job and then I found a job, and heaven knows I’m miserable now.

 

[EvaDK]

Your friendly AI Moderator, Nigel, likes Portishead.

Phew, no 500 page essay on the lyrics of It's A Fire for me!

 

[Comrade Ceasefire]

Best tragedies in the language, maybe in any language.

(Best comedies too, though, come to that).

Best creative musicians too.

No squealing and remember that it's all in your head

 

[Valka D'Ur]

I bet one of the problems is that stuff they call "pudding" that isn't pudding. You know, the bready stuff. I recommend we rename it all to more logical names while they're sleeping.

Tea time, during which you don't even have to consume any tea, that's also a bit confusing. If you invite someone over for tea, tea should be served. Otherwise the country will slowly fall into depression.

Their football team winning a trophy of some kind would probably help. Maybe we could bribe FIFA to have the English football team be admitted to the Asian confederation, as opposed to the European? They already left Europe, and they have zero chance winning anything in UEFA anyhow. They might just have a chance beating the likes of Japan and Iran though.

This might be a bit of a stretch, but they seemed to be happier when they had a queen. Maybe the king should get a sex change? I'm sure he'd be down for that, given that the happiness of the country is at stake. And if he isn't, surely there's some princess out there who wouldn't mind being queen.

They should also probably have a dragon on their flag. The current iteration combines the English and Scottish flags into one. What about Wales though? That's one badarse looking dragon, surely a British flag upgrade would raise the happiness index of the whole island.

Perhaps we should also run some sort of a disinformation campaign to convince them that it's not raining.

All we need to do is persuade Charles, William, and George to abdicate. That would leave Charlotte as Queen (even though she's still a child).

We did have a Queen Charlotte at one time; there's a bunch of islands off the west coast that used to be named for her until they were renamed Haida Gwaii. She wasn't a Queen Regnant, though.

So let it be known for what we believe in
I can see no reason for it to fail
'Cause this life is a farce
I can't breathe through this mask
Like a fool

This is how you cheer up David Tennant:

 

[Zardnaar]

Best tragedies in the language, maybe in any language.

(Best comedies too, though, come to that).

Just finished the New Statesman (1987-94).

It was mocking Thatcherism but its almost prescient.

 

[Comrade Ceasefire]

Look on the bright side.
Latest figures show that the number of patients waiting to see a GP has risen by over 75%, which means that many English people
won't be more miserable knowing they have some horrible disease.

 

[Comrade Ceasefire]

Best tragedies in the language, maybe in any language.

(Best comedies too, though, come to that).

I've seen better...

Romeo:
Juliet:
Romeo:
Juliet
Romeo: ppppppp
Juliet: :00000000
Romeo & Juliet: 0=o 0=o 0=o 0=o
Romeo: ))))))))))))
Juliet: ))))))))))
Romeo: :|
Juliet: :|
Juliet: :0 <----[]
Juliet: x(
Romeo: (((((((((
Romeo: ---||-
Romeo x( ___
Juliet: (((((((
Juliet ---||-
Juliet x( ___

 

[warpus]

All we need to do is persuade Charles, William, and George to abdicate. That would leave Charlotte as Queen (even though she's still a child).

Or we sneak into the palace at night and modify succession laws while everyone's sleeping. I'm 100% sure this would work

 

[Narz]

I've seen better...

Romeo:
Juliet:
Romeo:
Juliet
Romeo: ppppppp
Juliet: :00000000
Romeo & Juliet: 0=o 0=o 0=o 0=o
Romeo: ))))))))))))
Juliet: ))))))))))
Romeo: :|
Juliet: :|
Juliet: :0 <----[]
Juliet: x(
Romeo: (((((((((
Romeo: ---||-
Romeo x( ___
Juliet: (((((((
Juliet ---||-
Juliet x( ___

ASCII porn lol

 

[Valka D'Ur]

Or we sneak into the palace at night and modify succession laws while everyone's sleeping. I'm 100% sure this would work

We'd actually have to sneak into Parliament, since that's who decides these things. They had to quickly pass a new succession law when Kate first became pregnant, since there's no way in this day and age that the public would have stood for a younger son coming before an older daughter. So now it's birth order, regardless of sex.

Hm. How to change it so Princess Charlotte becomes Queen instead of her grandfather, father, and older brother?

I think it would take a time travel operation, moving Kate around in time during her pregnancies so she gives birth to Charlotte first, before George. And then we'd have to persuade Charles to abdicate in favor of William and then figure out how to prevent William from succeeding...

 

[Comrade Ceasefire]

And then we'd have to persuade Charles to abdicate...

"We" just need enough people to send him photos of "us" pointing to the severed head on the 2p coin.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

I am unfamiliar with that coin. He's not on any Canadian money yet (that I know of). He'd be on the coins and the $20 bill (which is going to look utterly bizarre).

 

[Comrade Ceasefire]

I am unfamiliar with that coin. He's not on any Canadian money yet (that I know of). He'd be on the coins and the $20 bill (which is going to look utterly bizarre).