Insanity Reigns: Attack of the Retcon

[dragonprobably]

Channel 69 Sexy Action News​

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Spoiler :

Top Story - Japan Split in Two: After much anarchy, the nation of Japan split into two. The South joined the Nation of the Tiger Dojo, The North joined the Kitauji Directorate. In related news, Japan's immigration spikes due to weebs wanting to join animu nations.

Music popularity at an all time high across the world: A rebellion in France has caused it to pretty much become the musical Les Miserables. East of France, Laibach has succesfully taken over Slovenia and some surrounding territories. In the Americas, a cult rapper who goes by the name, "MF DOOM," has taken over part of South America.

Animals overthrowing their human oppressors: An island full of polar bears in Europe has taken over both Norway and Iceland. Meanwhile, some regions in Africa have been taken over by Hyper Intelligent animals of many breeds.

CSA rises again: And by "CSA," I mean the Celebrity States of America and by "rises again," I mean their popularity is up. After all, they are ruled by celebrities.

Imperium of Man ready for future conquests: Sylvester Flanagon claims that the Sun won't set on the Imperium. Because, you know, that worked so well the last time Britain did that.

Greece disappears: But it's probably just an excuse into not paying the EU's debts. Also, some Nintendo characters have taken their place.

Connie returns: Connie has returned to her great nation of Prussia. In related news, Robert Crumb has moved to Prussia for reasons.

Australia still weird: As evidenced by it being taken over by some weirdo.

Genocide in Ogrestan continues: The Great Fairy Tale Genocide of 'XX keeps getting worse. When consulted about this, Sultan Shrek claimed it was deserved as they were "in his swamp."

Orders lock on Friday.

 

[Ailedhoo]

50th Anniversary of the Imperium of Man


Link to video.​

Attention citizens of Man and subjects of Earth! Heed well the voice of Man!

Today His Highly Magnificent Imperial Majesty, Emperor Sylvester the first of his name of House Flanagon, issued a renewed effort to reunite the Isles of Man under our glorious dominion. His Highness has promised to see a renewed conflict for Ireland, along with the grand dukedoms of Wales and Scotland, so that security can be ensured throughout the Isles. This is come with the 50th anniversary of the official founding of the Empire, in which the great Michael the Storming united Man and turned the Isle of Man into a beacon of greatness across the Isles of Man.

Meanwhile today mass parades took place all over the Isle of Man, with the main focus around St John's and the Supreme Palace of the Emperors. The grand parade, which went from Douglas to St John's to Peel, had attention of the Emperor, his family, his court and all other most noblest sovereigns within the Imperium of Man. The Emperor himself declared to a crowd at the parade that "the Eternally Lasting and Divine Imperium of the Godly Peoples Empire of the Free and Just Isle of Man may have had its setbacks but those setbacks will be mended under my watch as I do not only bring unity to the Isles like Michael to Ysbal before me but to also like Ysbal go beyond to set this island as the gem of world governance."

Meanwhile troop parades in Ireland and north Wales are being conducted, with the plans of mobilisation to secure our holdings are under way. Those who dare sway the price of Man from our hands will learn the fury of the Three Legged Empire as we march across land and sea to lay claim to these fair isles.

ALL HAIL THE EMPEROR!

Orange: claim through military troops.

Light Grey: search with 2 political points.

Dark red: search and claim with 6 political points.

Purchase 2 armies with 10 pencil shavings.

 

[NinjaCow64]

From: Lord El-Melloi II, Foreign Minister of the Tiger Dojo
To: The Kitauji Directorate

Greetings and salutations from myself and President Taiga Fujimura. As we are both Japanese nations, it is in both of our interests that the region should be stable and peaceful. To further these goals, we propose that we establish formal diplomatic relations with a construction of an embassy in each other's lands. Irisviel von Einzbern will be our diplomat to your lands.

We also wish to extend an offer of alliance and free trade to your nation. Additionally, we believe that we should discuss the future of the Asian region and our expansion options in the area. Our President has expressed interest in expanding into Korea, so we kindly ask that you do not expand there. We will respect your claims if you do so.

To a long and fruitful relationship,

Yours sincerely,

Lord El-Melloi II.

 

[NinjaCow64]

Taiga: This is the place where life intersects with death, the solution to all of your bad ends and apparently the seat of government for almost half of Japan; the TIGER DOJO! I am President Taiga Fujimura!

Ilya: And I’m Stu-I mean, Vice-President Number One! Osu!

Taiga: Now, Vice-President, what is the most important part of running a nation?

Ilya: Well, this is an IOT, so I would say war. But we aren’t at war at the moment, so it would be finances?

[confetti bursts out of the sides, clapping and cheering noises are heard]

Taiga: Hooray! You got it correct, congratulations!

Ilya: Uh…Miss President, the confetti isn’t stopping. I think the machines might be broken.

Taiga: Oh dear, they are. Run for your lives!

[technical difficulties]

Taiga: Okay, where were we?

Ilya: Finances.

Taiga: Yes! That’s right! The finances of a nation are its’ lifeblood! It makes the cars move, the trains run on time and prevents bad weather! If the nations’ finances were ever mismanaged, then the nation itself would be in dire peril! That is why I have delegated the task to some of my most competent underlings, who will now present us with a report on our finances.

Mikiya Kokutou: Good morning, sensei.

Taiga: Good morning…uh…who are you?

Mikiya: I am Mikiya Kokutou, the love interest of Shiki Ryougi from Kara no Kyoukai.

Taiga: Wait, do you have any financial credentials? Why didn’t one of the more interesting characters come from the Financial Department like Akiha Tohno?

Mikiya: Well I did manage the money for the Yakuza when…

Taiga: AH! NO SPOILERS! *slams sword into the ground*

Mikiya: Right. Well, I volunteered for this job because no one wanted to do the hard jobs.

Taiga: Ah…that is understandable…wait a minute…WHY IS TALKING TO ME CONSIDERED HARD??? *hammers sword into the ground aggressively multiple times*

Ilya: Uh, sensei…

Mikiya: Talking to you isn’t hard, it’s the delivering of bad news.

Taiga & Ilya: Bad news?!?!?!?!

Mikiya: Yes. Currently our total income for this year is exactly 1000 yen. That’s 8.32 USD.

Taiga: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! WHO HASN’T BEEN PAYING THEIR TAXES???

Mikiya: Oh no, our tax income actually exceeded our expectations.

Ilya: Then how…?

Mikiya: Most of the money was lost repaying debts to the Great Houses.

Taiga: …

Ilya: But wouldn’t the money from the loans be factored into our profits?

Mikiya: Usually, but the loans went directly to the President’s personal spending. I can look at what she spent it on if you-

Taiga: AH HA HA THAT’S ENOUGH BYE NOW *forcefully pushes Mikiya out of the room*

Ilya: Sensei, what did you spend all of our money on.

Taiga: Well…uh…that can be…ha ha…easily explained…err…

*knocking on the door*

Shirou: Excuse me Sensei, am I interrupting anything important?

Ilya: Yes, this is a bad time Oni-

Taiga: NO, NOTHING IMPORTANT AT ALL! COME IN! COME IN!

Shirou: Right, well I was just wondering what I was going to do with all these gold encrusted truffles in the kitchen.

Taiga: Cook with them?

Shirou: You ordered over ten kilograms of them, there’s no way I can cook something with all that!

Taiga: Wait, really? Damn, that’s the last time I trust a travelling salesman.

Ilya: Taiga, you really spend the entire national budget on truffles you got from a travelling salesman?

Taiga: No, of course not! I spent the entire national budget except 1000 yen. I mean that's not that bad...

Ilya: Uwah! How could you, you idiot! *Taiga slams the wooden sword down on Ilya’s head* Ow…

Taiga: Don’t call your President an idiot! Hrumph!

Ilya: But sensei, we are now in a budget emergency!

Taiga: Nonsense! If we keep making 1000 Yen a turn, then we’ll repay our debts! Eventually…

Ilya: What if we get attacked in the meantime? We wouldn’t have enough money to summon more servants and we don’t even have a navy!

Taiga: Hmm…that is a problem. Well, there’s a simple solution to that. MORE LOANS!

Mikiya: Um, sorry to interrupt-

Taiga: Wait, how did you get back in here?

Mikiya: -but you have exhausted every single banking institution and great house in the country. If we wanted further loans we would have to go overseas or ask Gilglam-

Everyone: NO!

Taiga: Hmm, well this IS a problem.

Suddenly, Rider/EXTRA bursts in from one of the doors, dragging Shinji/EXTRA behind her in chains.

Rider/EXTRA: GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!!!

Taiga: Rider, what are you doing here? Are…are you drunk?

Rider/EXTRA: Yes! Because I am celebrating! I have the best news that could ever come to any Pirate! BUIRED TREASURE!!! *Rider/EXTRA shoves an indecipherable treasure map in Taiga’s face*

Taiga: GAH! GET OFF ME WOMAN!!!

Rider/EXTRA: I have a map of the lost treasure of Kim Il-sung! Buried treasure! TREASURE!!!

Taiga: Treasure…wait…what a conveniently timed solution! Buried treasure would surely solve our budget issues!

Rider/EXTRA: Yes, but to get the treasure I need your help. You see, SOMEBODY caused my fleet to crash into each other.

Shinji/EXTRA: I said I’m sorry!

Rider/EXTRA: Quiet, slave. Anyway, if I could borrow one your boats, I would be able to find his treasure! I ask that I only take enough to repair my fleet, the rest is yours.

Ilya: But we don’t have any boats!

Taiga: Yes we do! You can use the Von Einzbern family yacht! It’s a done deal! *Taiga hands Rider/EXTRA the keys to the Von Einzbern family yacht*

Ilya: What? No! You can’t use that, grandfather would be livid! *Ilya starts feebly attempting to stop Taiga hitting her* Stop exploiting other people to solve your own problems!!!

Rider/EXTRA: Ha ha, time to set sail! And you’re going to have the best view Shinji, tied to the mast!

Shinji/EXTRA: Nooooooooooo!

Ilya starts sobbing in the corner.

Ilya: Grandfather is going to be so angry…this is even worse than the time when Berserker sat on his Mercedes-Benz…

Taiga: Another national crisis averted, thanks to my amazing leadership! It is only from my superb leadership skills, excellent financial experience and my genius intellect that I was able to save our nation from this terrifying financial hole! Join us next time, where I will solve this nation from yet another crisis that was definitely not caused by me!!!

Orders:

-All political points to be spent exploring Korea.
-Bank Pencil Shavings.

 

[Omega124]

To: The world
From: Ylisse

はじめまして。私はルキナです。イーリスの女王です。

...

私の声が聞こえますか？

Spoiler forum rules dictate I must give a translation :

No, seriously; I dont want to be infracted. I urge you to NOT open this if you can contain your curiosity. We're foreigners from a different world, you think you can understand us?

Spoiler :

Please to meet you. I am Lucina. (I am) the queen of Ylisse.

...

Can you hear me?

OOC: Besides the last sentence, I didn't use gogole translate for any of this ^_^

 

[NinjaCow64]

To: The world
From: Ylisse

はじめまして。私はルキナです。イーリスの女王です。

...

私の声が聞こえますか？

Spoiler forum rules dictate I must give a translation :

No, seriously; I dont want to be infracted. I urge you to NOT open this if you can contain your curiosity. We're foreigners from a different world, you think you can understand us?

Spoiler :

Please to meet you. I am Lucina. (I am) the queen of Ylisse.

...

Can you hear me?

OOC: Besides the last sentence, I didn't use gogole translate for any of this ^_^

From: The Tiger Dojo
To: Ylisse

こんにちは！私たちはあなたを聞くことができます！タイガー道場からのご挨拶！

((Hello! We can hear you! Greetings from the Tiger Dojo!))

(OOC: Apologies for the awful Google Translatese)

 

[dragonprobably]

Orange: claim through military troops.

Light Grey: search with 2 political points.

Dark red: search and claim with 6 political points.

Purchase 2 armies with 10 pencil shavings.

Woah there, nelly. With the amount of PP you have, you can at most take 2 territories and explore 4.

-All political points to be spent exploring Korea.
-Bank Pencil Shavings.

The Koreans like you, but you spent all your money on K-Pop albums while you were there.

Next turn, you'll start with 10 more PP, but 0 PS.

Spoiler :

Normally, I wouldn't let you take land across the sea without naval units. However, you don't have money and very low salesmanship so I'm going to make the ONLY to that here.

 

[Ailedhoo]

Woah there, nelly. With the amount of PP you have, you can at most take 2 territories and explore 4.

I thought you say I could take lands with armies?

 

[dragonprobably]

I thought you say I could take lands with armies?

I misunderstood. I thought you meant are armies required for taking lands.

No, political points are used to take and explore lands. It says so in the OP.

 

[GenMarshall]

The Prussian Reich Exploration Team​

"So" Connie begins to sit down at her desk "What's the news of the day?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary" Bismarck responds "Aside from the Isle of Ham to the northwest of us. As long as they keep to themselves and their hammyness, we should be fine."

"Don't you mean the Imperium of Man? Sounds like a rip off of the Imperium of Mann of Warhammer." Connie retorts as she takes a drink of her tea.

"Yes. But judging by their leader, not only is he a hammy egotist, but also a backstabber. Judging by the amount of 'accidents' his predecessors have" Bismark stated as he pulls up a folder for the Prussian Reich. "Now then, I strongly suggest that we explore to the west of us and settle in these areas and head down south of us to nab some land. So long as the Kunst Republic stay down in the Adriatic".

"So, what are we going to do about just taking the lands?" Connie asks

"Leave that to me" Bismarck said while tipping his picklehaube.

"As you will, and...." then looks at the price sheet "pencil shavings? Were buying things with worthless pencil shavings?".

"Things are..." Tifa Kennison then continues to further elaborate on the pricing system of Insanity Reigns "...quite different in this universe. Instead of straight up dollars and monies, were buying things with pencil shavings now....or at least that's how the exchange rate goes between Reichsmarks and Pencil Shavings".

"So long as there's a smooth exchange rate between the Reichsmarks and Pencil Shavings" Connie responds as she looks through the pricing sheet once again "Naturally were going to be needing a navy".

"We do need a naval force" Admiral Orlock stated "To keep the ruffians from England...err the Imperium of Ham out of the Baltic seas".

"Consider it done" Connie responds as she gestures towards Orlock "12,000 Reichmarks to be set aside for the establishment of a new naval force"

"That would come to an exchange rate of 10 Pencil Shavings" Tiffa responds.

"I've also recived this message from....Ylisse" Dennis Crocker stated as he looks at the message in his hand.

"Let me see that" asks Connie as she puts her hand out to take the piece of paper from Crocker "I see......may I recomend Crocker that you brush up on your Japanese" she then looks up at Crocker "It's a greating from Queen Lucina of Ylisse". She then turns to her secretary "Fetch me the good parchment, were going to be doing a bit of diplomacy. Finally, I can use my Japanese calligraphy."

"Even to the Imperium of Ham?" Orlock shockingly said.

Bismark, then brushes himself into a stoic pose "Be polite; write diplomatically; even in a declaration of war one observes the rules of politeness. They may be egotistical hams, but it does not mean we should be rude to our neighbors."

To: Ylisse
From: The Prussian Reich

こんにちは。プロイセン帝国からのご挨拶。私たちはあなたのはっきりと聞くことができます。私はコニー・マーシャル。プロイセン帝国 女帝。 ^^
(Hello. Greetings from the Prussian Reich. We can hear you. I am Connie Marshall, (I am) the Empress of the Prussia(n Reich) ^^)

 

[NinjaCow64]

 

[dragonprobably]

Sorry, I forgot to update. I just got a big essay assignment due. I can probably update Wednesday.

 

[NinjaCow64]

 

[dragonprobably]

Sorry, I'm just really busy. I promise this will update someday.