OOC: This would have been a lot funnier if I had finished it last week when Adar and the Citadel were still talking about the blockade.
In Tellium, the government, responsive as it was to the nations moneyed interests, quickly recognized private property rights and passed laws enforcing contracts. The people, finally freed from the uncertainty of despotism and the communism inherent in the Assemblum were reinvigorated; personal initiative was rewarded here like nowhere else. While those of modest means opened shops or bought more land, Telliums wealthiest entrepreneurs pursued the huge profits available to the pioneers who opened foreign markets to Tellian trade.
Most speculative trade ventures were thoroughly researched, fully insured and professionally crewed. The results of such investments were concise comments in the credit column of accounting registers, but those who set sail with more dreams and less preparation often met with lurid tragedy and so had their journeys recorded in more public fashion, like this.
Bill Bardious and Ted Zabaka were two merchants who had staked their fortune on being the first to open trade with distant Adar. Little was known about Adar, for most merchants such gaps indicated unmanageable risk, but to Bill and Ted the only reason for the Citadel to blockade Adar was to enforce a very valuable trade monopoly, it was just one of many things they were wrong about.
The voyage south was difficult, but discovering that they had been holding the map upside down was no less tricky. Eventually the Blind Faith and her intrepid crew got turned around set on a proper course. They survived storms, running aground on the mysterious island of the Lotus eaters, a pit stop on the mysterious island of the Cyclops, a run in with the mysterious Laestrygonian pirates, an extended visit to the home of a beautiful (and mysterious) enchantress and with great relief finally found the coast of Adar. But the bad news was only beginning. First the ships cook reported that he was out of the delicious five leaf clovers that he had been using to season all the food, but before it could be discovered how the cargo of cannabis herb had been stowed in the galley they received a hail:
Tellium vessel, Adar is under Citadel quarantine, put about and depart.
After such a voyage the captains and the crew were sleepy and extremely hungry. They halted as if to let the Citadellers pull along side and board, but at the last moment hoisted full sail and speed away. The blockade commander could do nothing but shake his fist and curse those meddling kids. Bill and Ted responded with gestures of their own which were thought to be rude but appeared to mimic the playing of imaginary lutes. That is why they tragically never received the warning about the dangerous xenophobia of the Adarian population, although it is unlikely that either of them would have known the meaning of a word like xenophobia anyway.
The sturdy vessel was once again run aground on a mysterious shore. But there was no excellent adventure this time, the crew was murdered and the ship set fire. The Citadel vessels moved in as close to the beach as they dared but only Bill and Ted could be saved.
They were eventually returned home after a pleasant voyage which inspired the hit song Row Your Boat. The wealth and fame that befell them as composers helped them to forget all the horrible drama and tragedy of their odyssey to Adar.