<De Vries> So you're applying to be my secretary? You need to understand, this is an intensely important job. You'll be privy to state secrets, dodging bullets from communist assassins and running interference between my wife and all my mistresses. Don't worry about that bit until you have to.
<Applicant> Yes sir.
<De Vries> Please, call me Christofoor. Or don't. Whatever. Just get the job done. What are your references?
<Applicant> Here, I think you'll find them satisfactory.
<De Vries> Look, first rule of being my secretary, don't think for me. You're not my brain. You're my ********ing eyes and ears. This place is a jungle. You know the guy in the office across the way? He's the enemy. Guy in the office on the left? Also the enemy. We are surrounded by enemies. Never forget that, or you'll end up like Aleydis.
<Applicant> Aleydis?
<De Vries> Second rule is never ask about Aleydis.
<Applicant> Yes sir.
<De Vries> Alright kid, I'm gonna be one-hundred percent honest with you, because that's just the kind of guy I am. Your references aren't half bad. But like I said earlier, do you think you're really capable of this job?
<Applicant> Sir?
<De Vries> Stop ********ing calling me sir. The only people who call me sir are the grunts. You're not gonna be a grunt, you're gonna be my eyes and ears. That's like... Elevated grunt removed twice.
<Applicant> Yes, Mr. De Vries.
<De Vries> Let me give you an overview of the average day being my eyes and ears. You get up at four in the morning. You make coffee, you bring it to the office with you. If you don't,
BAM, I'm interviewing more applicants. You go into the building, Meijer starts asking you questions about what I'm doing. You answer him?
BAM as God is my witness you will never work in the entire Empire ever again. You get to my office. I'm sitting in my chair, because when you were getting up at four in the morning I was sleeping in. You know why? Because I'm the Prime Minister. Get over it. Is my coffee cold? If the coffee's cold then
BAM. Don't watch yourself? Not on time?
BAM! Do I need to be any clearer?
<Applicant> No, Mr. De Vries.
<De Vries> Great. Welcome aboard. It's going to be a pleasure.
<Applicant> Honored, Mr. De Vries.
<De Vries> Oh, oh, careful newbie! Get this into your head. It's never going to be a pleasure, not ever. You're gonna be screening my calls. What's more important, a communist uprising in Poland or tribal violence in the Congo? Lives will depend on your decisions! But not to worry, because every time I will prevail because I'm
CHRISTOFOOR DE VRIES. I'm not just your boss, I'm your arbiter. I will destroy you. The minute you step into this building it's hell on Earth. Bring your sunblock.
<Applicant> I won't be caught without it.
<De Vries> Excellent choice, come in tomorrow, I'll get started on systematically destroying your life.
