Mazera Mega Story Thread

[Dean_the_Young]

PARAGRAPHS. Seriously, learn them. Fast.


Plus, it's rather impressive that I had two Carrows and Barons, since last I posted they and the werewolves were at the Chislev front.

 

[Tasunke]

yea, its a writing style thing.

 

[Dean_the_Young]

Spoiler A long rant on the value and desirability of grammar, dramatic pacing, and dramatic tension :

You did not have two carrows, or would you rather not make it to rinwell Isle and instead be among the many frozen people? Would you not want to flee the incoming Ice as it was freezing the whole countryside? I wrote a feasible course of events based upon the power of dragons. If dragons are really as powerful as you wan't them to be, dragon slayers wouldn't be able to save you.

You're being deliberately obtuse because people disagree with your style and views. You are engaging in what is known as a straw man fallacy the the reducto ad absurdum argument: you are proposing ludicrous extremes that no one has made. No one has propositioned that Drifa has the power of single-handily freeze the continent, or that Dragons can destroy the world.

But the key between halfway mediocre writing and poor writing, besides pesky things like grammar and flow, is dramatic balance and pacing.When given the magical equivalent of a nuke which is outright stated to be as powerful as a modest nation, the best depiction of that beast is NOT a great victory in the first engagement with your first army and an allied one who have only hasty and makeshift preparations of any sort.

So I found your story about routing Drifa implausible, poorly done, and far to self-gratifying on the part of the Hippus: deal. I certainly did, once you the concession that Drifa wasn't close to her full potential. The Hippus are a far greater power than a modest nation, and so should be able to overcome, but not on in the first engagement. Especially not when your best troops are struck with 50% fatality plague.

If you want to make a great upset or victory of any sort, both in drama and in reality, you have to lay the groundwork ahead of time. Luring Drifa into a Hippus/Luchirp ambush would have been a great idea... if you hadn't simply put it in your first post of fighting Drifa. That would have been the sort of thing to build up for days of updates about Hippus raiders harassing and trying to stop a seemingly unstoppable force of nature. Then, with foreshadowing as to the intent, the Hippus victory would have been deserved and fitting, and actually tense to boot.

Instead, you posted a chocked up post in which Drifa came, Drifa saw, and Drifa was promptly kicked out with her tail between her legs and the Hippus were beloved by all.

Similarly, part of why cypher's post ending the Leviathan is so galling is because it had no buildup or preparation. Before the post, no one knew the Nortek had a navy, let alone a custom one: they certainly can't build it. With the Grigori navy, I broadcast and foreshadowed it well ahead of time, back when the Grigori were finding Nightmares and I claimed Panlupan. I bought one awhile ago, and in the meantime I waited a respectable amount of time for it to be built.

The other part of cypher's haste was that, even respecting strict rules and limits of power, it's so damn implausible. To defeat a Great Beast, you have to be looking to do it. The Leviathan can fight off arcane barges, Lunan pirates, and more, WHEN THEY TRY. But a few overcrowded galleons and a handful of goblin spearmen are going to poison (poison! Not even super venom or Archos superspider poison, just plain goblin poison) it to death when it stumbles across them on accident? Cypher was wise to write and depict massive losses in doing so, but it's still pretty shaky.


Myself and others, we have nothing against beating or turning back a Great Beast. But it really deserves to be set up properly. Grigori Dragon Slayers aren't going to beat a Dragon because they're Dragon Slayers: Grigori Dragon Slayers are going to beat a Dragon because they're immune to fear, they prepared ahead of time, AND they have a whole lot of them ready. And when they aren't prepared to fight... then they will lose. Badly.

 

[cypher132]

There isn't a post here.

Edit: Story changed to make it a Kraken instead of the Leviathan.

 

[Tasunke]

probably just more un-needed words. Its clear some people don't like the drifa post. Must be Nazi, oh I mean Uzi, haters :3

 

[Diamondeye]

I must say that I agree with Dean in every aspect

 

[thomas.berubeg]

as do I.

 

[cypher132]

My post has already been changed. The thing with Drifa is that she wasn't allowed to rest as the other dragons are doing, so she's not even near her full strength. I had mentioned on several occasions that the dragons needed to regain their strength once they were brought into this world. Also, if you'd like to talk to me about something, can you do it in the Erebus Chat or in a PM? I'd rather not have complaints taking up space in the thread.

Also also, if you're going to post a joke story, put a note on the post mentioning that it's a joke. I've had a few of my own joke posts, such as Margaret Thatcher.

 

[hbar]

I must say I found Tasunke's post funny (although it was hard to read), and I think perhaps it was taken too seriously, considering that it was obviously a joke post. Of course, we Balseraphs aren't known for taking anything too seriously...

EDIT - ninja'd by Cyther, just so no one thinks I'm being a jerk...

 

[lemonjelly]

Dispelled​

Top Amurite Sages have been studying a way to get through the divine magics of the Illian priests.​

The room was cold. Icicles hung from the ceiling. Three sages were huddled around a small blue fire. They were reaching towards it even though it gave off no heat. One of them reached across and lifted the lid off a container full of small golden amulets. A fierce purple glow collected around them, brighter and brighter, until, finally, the purple dispersed around the room, finally fading away completely. Another one of the sages picked up a small wooden box. He waved it around in the air, but nothing happened. A small glass dome was placed over the fire, and slowly, the box started humming. The glass dome was removed, and the humming instantly stopped. The fire burnt, and a small puddle appeared on the floor. The room was heating up, or to be more accurate, the room wasn't being frozen any more. The magic was being dispelled.

 

[Diamondeye]

Spoiler Exiled. pt. 1 :

Sigillum looked at the small village. He had been riding around randomly for a long time, trying to find his way back into the world after the defeat at the hand of Flauros. He could not return to the Calabim - even if Flauros forgave him, the people never would, and there was nothing left in the Calabim lands that interested him. It seemed like Flauros and his sister had corrupted all the traditional Calabim virtues - even the Dark Gift they had spoiled!

Now, with surprise, Sigillum found himself among other people again. He rode through the small village, his armour glinting in the morning sun and his weapons hanging by his side. The people in the streets looked at him, more with curiosity than with fear. He stopped his horse as an old man came near.

"Excuse me, Rider, what is your business in this little village?"
"I'm an exiled. Who are you to ask?", Sigillum replied angrily.
The old man did not startle as he had expected. In fact, he laughed a bit before replying the rude question: "I am Ghan, mayor of this village. And an exile like yourself."
Sigillum frowned upon hearing the name. "You are... Sheaim?"
The man shook his head despite the obvious fact.
"I am Grigori. Everyone here are Grigori."

 

[Dean_the_Young]

Progress on the Tower of Alteration Accelerated

The Grigori are putting all their magical efforts into completing the Tower, much advanced since gaining the knowledge of Arcane Lore from the Amurites. Even with the war with the Chislev turning against them, they are waging that curing the Plague will help turn their fortunes.
​

 

[Tasunke]

About half of the winners from the Hippus Jousting tourneys decided to go medicos, many more were volunteers from the peasantry ... and the remaining 17 slots were filled with state enforced conscriptions.

The 500 new Medicos recruits are presented to the Grigori government.

 

[Dean_the_Young]

They were a mercenary lot, just like the nation that bred them. Men and woman used to pursuing a job with the intensity of knowing that failure meant no gold to buy bread.

Well, that would not be a problem. There was always enough work. Now all that was left.

"I am a Medicos," Hyppoc Tic read to the latest recruits. They echoed her.

"I am more than a Grigori. I have left behind my nation of birth to join the Ordine. All that I am, all that I will be, is in the way of the Ordine. I am a Medicos."

"As a Medicos, I know what is expected of me, and what I expect of myself."

"First, I will do no harm, except in my own defense or in the defense of my patients."

"I will never betray the trust or my duty of and to a patient."

"I will never compromise or betray my patient while he is under my care."

"I will never give up on a patient so long as they have not given up on themselves and there exists a chance to save them."

"I will never abandon or flee a patient, no matter the state or disease."

"I will never harm a patient, except in the pursuit of his greater health."

"I will never betray my patient's recovery with afflicted malady or poison."

"As a Medicos, I understand I am beyond nation or creed. I will heal whoever comes to my care, regardless the race, nationality, or creed."

There was more, enough to bury a new conscript's mind in recitation. But the Oath was administered, and Hyppoc looked at those before her.

"You are Medicos," she warned. "You will be expected to walk in the valley of death, and to draw others out. It will be ugly, bloody, even deadly. You are all volunteers, and will be expected to earn your place among us."

"Tonight you will be broken into your groups. Some of you will go to the Medicos College. Others will be sent out to supplement are busy heroes across the rest of the continent. And the others..." she grimaced. "You will come with me back to the front."

---

Medicos, Hippus Relations Fully Restored

With 500 volunteers, the debt of the Hippus to the Medicos has been paid. No issues between the two remain standing, and the Medicos fulfill their treaty duties as before.​

 

[Diamondeye]

Ordine offered Citadel in Calabim lands
Previous talks and rumours about the construction of a large Ordine Citadel in Calabim lands can now be realized. The Ordine has been replenished with new recruits from the Hippus, and the Calabim have now made it official that they have a large ground in central Prespur that would serve well as Ordine Citadel. Flauros and the Calabim government await an eventual confirmation by the Ordine to begin the construction.

 

[Dean_the_Young]

Calabim Citadel Confirmed

The Ordine Medicos have accepted the Calabim's offer of a Citadel to be constructed in Calabim lands. A citadel in the most classic sense, initial plans have supported that it will be an impressive structure.

Though an official name of the Citadel has yet to be chosen and will certainly be more noble and enlightened, reflecting the reformed Calabim's new nature, one designation born from past memories has gained widespread use within the Ordine itself: Bloody Mercy Citadel.

 

[Diamondeye]

Spoiler The Calabim Citadel :

Asmellum grinned as he saw the Ordine arriving at the ground where their citadel would be built, the Calabim masons ready to take orders from the Ordine leaders. A young Ordine recruit, Hippus most likely, and without the absolute discipline that most of the experienced Ordine commanded at all times, asked the grinning old man why he was laughing.

"Don't you know? The ground is the location of the old Ilyth Manor and its annexes. You should be glad that the Elohim Devouts agreed to Sanctify the area earlier, or you'd have demons and serpents crawling up the floor all the time."
The young man rolled his eyes and returned to aid in the establishment of the Citadel. Asmellum looked on the workers in contemplation. Despite Flauros' conversion and reformation of the Vampires, he had not been able to resist the urge to demolish the Manor. Asmellum doubted that Flauros' claimed intentions of sanctifying the area would be reason enough to demolish everything that bore a sign of the traitor lord.

Calabim donate rare artifacts to the Elohim
The Calabim have discovered artifacts left behind by the late Lord Ilyth, and have donated them to the Elohim monks. Some of the artifacts seem to be of demonic origin, and Flauros worries that their influence might corrupt the weaker of heart among his people, but there are also beautiful and expensive items among. Flauros says that this is a "sign of trust towards the Elohim, a thanks for their Sanctification of Prespur, an oath that the Calabim will take good care of the Tomb of Succellus, and perhaps the beginning of a new friendship."

 

[Tasunke]

The Dragon-core and the Dragons of Death return to hippi lands in order to refill their ranks.

The creators of the Dragon-core are the The Psycholitic Sage Council (PSC). Only the management board is of hippus decent, the actual meat and potatoes of the organization, the thinkers, are mainly from Balseraph decent, with a few renegade Illians who had been in-hiding after Auric's power had become absolute. Those in the PSC have decided to join the hippus coalition.

Spoiler :

Extra-nationals can join the hippus movement by becoming part of a "coalition." Officially they are auxiliaries of the hippus military, and have 9 of the 10 ranks of hippus citizenship. Privileges which separate 9th rank citizens and 10th rank citizens are currently a state secret. Although no rank can hold administrative or commanding authority over 10th rank citizens (in bueracracy and military) however there can be entire 9th rank branches of the military, even with its own generals, which would answer to a 10th rank field marshal. Obviously, due to the mental status of most dragon-core, they are currently considered rank 2 citizens.

The PSC has officially admitted that the original success was some-what of a fluke, and while they mainly relied on certain psychoactive methods, the addition of mind magic was too primitive and brutal, making them into near-mindless slaves. The PSC calls for aid from the Balseraph nation for more experienced researchers on psychoanalysis and mind magic. Believed reasons are meant to make a new type of soldier that is much more autonomous than the Dragon-core, however blessed with the same basic abilities and hardiness of the mental programming. A super soldier that can live at-least a semi-normal life will allow for a more flexible branch of the military (with more willing recruits/ greater public sympathy= a bigger budget, and more men), and more importanly, will allow for the new soldiers to retain mastery of horseback. The current Dragon-core prefer to fight on their own two legs, and while melee fighting can prove useful, its within the interest of the Hippus Government to push the PSC into alternate methods.

further on the ranks of hippus citizenship

Spoiler :

Ranks: out-right slaves would be Rank 1, citizens of unsound mind are rank-2, prisoners of war are rank-3, political prisoners are rank-4, royal negotiation hostages (think Atilla growing up in Rome) as well as Khazad/Svartalphar under hippus rule (subjugated peoples) is rank-5. foreign troops are Rank-6, Foreign citizens are Rank-7, Foreign diplomats are Rank-8, Hippus Coalition citizens/troops are all rank-9, and a full Hippus national is Rank-10.

Ordine medicos, being considered Foreign Diplomats, are all rank-8, with the added benefit of completely free border movement as they are helping the hippus during a time of (plague) emergency. It also helps that they are an International Organization and not solely the arm of a foreign government.

Furthermore, of the mental experimentations in the Dragon-core, the oldest prototype, and their leader, Vladivostok, is the only one to show the most independence, humanity, and improvisation/cunning. Therefore, he is currently the only Dragon-core to hold as high as rank-9, which is an extremely high honor.

 

[Diamondeye]

Spoiler Exiled, pt 2 :

"So, where are you travelling, Rider?"
Sigillum shook his head, lacking words.
"I had guessed that," the old man said. "We have a house here where you can live, and a stable for your horse, if you want to stay for a while to gather yourself?"
Sigillum found himself nodding, and slid out of his saddle, dragging the horse after him as the old man followed him to the stable. A thought struck Sigillum. "My name is Sigillum, by the way. You may have heard of me."
The old man barely nodded. "Your acts, however gruesome, and that name that the Firebrand Moroi shouted in excitement for enemy blood, Sigillum, is past now. I do not judge you on past actions. I judge you on what you are to become."
Sigillum was curious. "And what is that?"

The old man shook his head. "Have you not understood? That is up to yourself. I can only help you in finding your direction, not dictate it for you."
Sigillum contemplated over the man's words later, as he laid in the bed in the small hut, staring into the ceiling through the dark. Could all the blood be washed off his hands? Could he start over?

 

[Tasunke]

A rash corporal leads a large contingent into doviello territory on a raiding campaign. The first winter snows are in a fortnight.