BvBPL
Pour Decision Maker
(At the office, I receive a daily email from the Grocery Manufacturers’ Association. Yesterday’s headline was “Method makes sustainability a priority,” which I initially misread as being about Method Man. After learning it was, in fact, about consumer product goods vendor Method I was disappointed about this missed opportunity for the Wu Tang member to speak out about sustainability. So I wrote a fake news story about it. Please enjoy.)
Staten Island: In a press conference, rapper and prominent Wu Tang Clan member Method Man announced sustainability goals for future projects. Said Method: “Me and (Wu Tang member and frequent collaborator) Red[man] have always kept it real, kept it ghetto, but that can no longer be the sole principle in our work. The music industry is burning through available samples at unsustainable pace; prominent musical ecologists suggest that within twenty years all available samples will be exhausted. I can’t abide by a world where we condemn further MCs to sampling only Lawrence Welk. This is why Red and I are committed to using strictly renewable music samples in our future solo and collaborative work, as well as encouraging other members of the Clan to do the same. We are doing it for the kids, for the MCs that haven’t hit the mic yet.”
Mr. Man further stated that local sourcing of his supply chain was also a key priority. “Wu Tang lead the rap industry in bringing an Asian flair to the streets. I was and remain proud of the effort we made to bring an international message to our consumers, but the world is different today I believe we must reduce carbon emissions generated through the shipment of international goods. For this reason, I am now committed to pulling all further samples from domestic sources. There are ancillary benefits to this process, and it is my hope that by contracting sample suppliers in Motown, I will play some small part in returning productive industry to Motor City.”
Method Man’s his commitment to sustainability extends to his personal life as well, stating that he has begun negotiations with marijuana suppliers in Staten Island to fill his own needs. No marijuana suppliers in Manhattan, where Method Man’s purchases account for $1 million per annum in revenue, could be reached for comment at this time.
The rap music industry has implemented relatively few sustainability initiatives, indeed many rappers flaunt their ability to acquire goods from afar including Cristal champagne and the favors of women in different area codes. The heavy use of sampling in rap music has also be criticized as being unsustainable, with many songs being over-sampled to the point of being barred from future works. Most prominently, the exploitation by rappers of the irreproducible work of David Bowie has forced Bowie’s catalog onto the Endangered Samples list.
Staten Island: In a press conference, rapper and prominent Wu Tang Clan member Method Man announced sustainability goals for future projects. Said Method: “Me and (Wu Tang member and frequent collaborator) Red[man] have always kept it real, kept it ghetto, but that can no longer be the sole principle in our work. The music industry is burning through available samples at unsustainable pace; prominent musical ecologists suggest that within twenty years all available samples will be exhausted. I can’t abide by a world where we condemn further MCs to sampling only Lawrence Welk. This is why Red and I are committed to using strictly renewable music samples in our future solo and collaborative work, as well as encouraging other members of the Clan to do the same. We are doing it for the kids, for the MCs that haven’t hit the mic yet.”
Mr. Man further stated that local sourcing of his supply chain was also a key priority. “Wu Tang lead the rap industry in bringing an Asian flair to the streets. I was and remain proud of the effort we made to bring an international message to our consumers, but the world is different today I believe we must reduce carbon emissions generated through the shipment of international goods. For this reason, I am now committed to pulling all further samples from domestic sources. There are ancillary benefits to this process, and it is my hope that by contracting sample suppliers in Motown, I will play some small part in returning productive industry to Motor City.”
Method Man’s his commitment to sustainability extends to his personal life as well, stating that he has begun negotiations with marijuana suppliers in Staten Island to fill his own needs. No marijuana suppliers in Manhattan, where Method Man’s purchases account for $1 million per annum in revenue, could be reached for comment at this time.
The rap music industry has implemented relatively few sustainability initiatives, indeed many rappers flaunt their ability to acquire goods from afar including Cristal champagne and the favors of women in different area codes. The heavy use of sampling in rap music has also be criticized as being unsustainable, with many songs being over-sampled to the point of being barred from future works. Most prominently, the exploitation by rappers of the irreproducible work of David Bowie has forced Bowie’s catalog onto the Endangered Samples list.
Well done! Top drawer, G-money. What about renewable hemp fabrics for use in Wu-Wear garments? 
